Director: Guy Ritchie
Screenwriter: Matthew Silveira
Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Vinnie Jones, Coleen McLoughlin, Adam Woodyatt
Running time: 137 mins
Certificate: PG-13

A decade after he breathed fresh life into the Rocky and Rambo franchises, Sylvester Stallone has raided his past again in a bid to halt his latest career slump. With a face now resembling a melting image from a Salvador Dali painting and a voice that needs subtitles to counteract the slurring, the one-time action hero tries his best but ultimately fails to convince in his tough guy vigilante role. Teaming up with Guy Ritchie in a bid to merge the Hollywood blockbuster with the archetypal British gangster flick, this dismal film is best described as Lock, Stock and Two Sagging Biceps.

In a futuristic London in 2150, the cryogenically frozen John Spartan (Stallone) is shipped over from the States and thawed by the British government in order to battle with the city's ruthless Cockney thug crimelord Charlie Taylor (Vinnie Jones). After rescuing a slave girl called Vicky (Coleen McLoughlin) from a life of prostitution, Spartan embarks on a heroic one-man mission to rid London town of chavs and gangsters.

Coleen McLoughlin makes her big screen debut as Stallone's love interest Vicky, a Liverpudlian lass who has been sucked into the capital's vicious chav warfare against her own will. The pivotal love scene between the pair has been the major talking point in the pre-release publicity blitz, but sadly it fails to arouse our attention, let alone anything else. Also drooping is Vinnie Jones' acting career. A mere three years after his Best Actor Oscar for his tender portrayal of a young Gandalf in Peter Jacksons's Lord of the Rings: The College Years, Jones has reduced himself to playing uber-violent thugs once again. Presumably he was paid well. In addition, Adam Woodyatt continues to suffer a serious case of IBS (Ian Beale Syndrome), as he fails to capitalise on his recent against-type turn in Quentin Tarantino's Ice Monkey by portraying a weasly police chief.

Demolition Man 2 follows the recent trend of allowing on-screen ejaculations to be shown in PG-13 movies, following the British Board of Film Censors' recent decision to take a more liberal attitude towards natural acts. This doesn't make for pretty viewing, but it is pleasing to see that a faded, septogenarian star like Stallone can still muster the juice when thrust back into the limelight.

Guy Ritchie still seems to bear the effects of his highly-documented hospitalisation following an encounter with ex-wife Madonna's purple penetrator. For we can only assume that he has struggled to sit in his director's chair for long enough to film action sequences that are even semi-coherent. What we have here is a cliched mess that feels like it's been edited together by a six-year-old using Pritt Stick and scissors.

The campaign by Sight and Sound magazine to have Ritchie recognised as an auteur alongside Hitchcock and Scorsese, given the recent critical reappraisal of Swept Away, will certainly have taken a knock when the public see this film.

Demolition Man 2's soundtrack is fortunately a decent affair, with Sting performing the title track (a techno tinged update of the original theme). Duran Duran, now a duo consisting of just Andy Taylor and Warren Cuccurullo, also contribute a haunting piece of instrumental guitar-based music called 'Dog Vomit', which plays during the Stallone-McLoughlin love scene.

It's also rather pleasing to see that Stallone has opted to shun the need for any CGI to give his character an artificial look. Despite being well into his 70s, he has clearly spent an unhealthy amount of time bulking up at the gym in order to reprise the role and his determination should be commended. Still, it's hard to take the numerous chase sequences seriously given that he is pursuing men who are five decades younger. The fact that Ritchie predominantly shoots only the upper half of his body suggests that a Zimmer Frame may well have been used as a mobility aid.

Let's just hope that the upcoming Tango and Cash 2 is of higher quality.