There's been a minor outbreak of T.M.I. – Too Much Information – in the world of celebrity this week. Jack Nicholson reckons he's so overworked his love-making muscles that he might have 9,000 kiddiwinks; Juliette Lewis has been casting aspersions about the size of Brad Pitt's manhood; and Sarah Harding, Girls Aloud's harridan-in-chief, has been the worst offender of all. "Sex toys, they're the best," she gushes. "I find whips funny, but draw the line at chains…" Let's put it this way, she's not talking about the Aloud's latest stage costumes. (We hope.)

10. Jodie Foster
Good on ya, Jodie!

9. Stephen Fry
Rufus Sewell helps the master wordsmith to lose more than three stone… no, not like that!

8. Alan Davies
The QI quipper comes over all Evander Holyfield after a few drinks, apparently. Honestly, what would Stephen Fry say?

7. Britney Spears
A French film producer wants Britters to play the Virgin Mary. We hate to break it to you, matey, but you're about five years too late.

6. The Beckhams
Posh and Becks hire out a private room at Spearmint Rhino in Las Vegas. Hey, whatever they gotta do to keep their marriage fresh, you know?

5. Brad Pitt
Don't worry Brad - nobody can have everything.

4. Denise Van Outen & Lee Mead
Joseph jazz-hander + Rent grin-flasher = New West End power couple?

3. Andrew Lloyd-Webber
It's West End, Broadway, BBC Television Centre, Hollyoaks for the piano-bashing peer.

2. Jack Nicholson
Honest to goodness, are there really 9,000 mini-Nicholsons roaming the earth?

1. Sarah Harding
Oh Sarah, what would your poor mother say?