At this time of year, it's customary to make a couple of New Year's Resolutions in a well-intentioned, but not terribly meaningful, bid to improve ourselves. There's no reason, we figure, why even the glitziest celebrity should be exempt from this process. Now, we could go to great time and effort to give each one of them an individually-tailored resolution, but, honest to goodness, that would be silly when a one-size-fits-all approach is perfectly satisfactory. Famous girls and boys around the world - be more subtle!

10. Rosie O'Donnell
The loud-mouthed TV presenter tells us something we already know: she's really quite annoying.

9. Ozzy Osbourne
Who on earth gave poor, forgetful Ozzy an advance to write his autobiography?

8. Kevin Federline
The man who's famous for romancing an iconic, supremely wealthy female star spends New Year's Eve with… Paris Hilton.

7. Posh Spice
Apparently, old pouter's banned everyone who's ever slagged her off from the Spice Girls reunion shows. Honestly, does anyone ever get in?

6. Janet Jackson
Michael's little sister reckons lots of babies were conceived to her music. Hmm… we wonder if they grew up to be nasty boys?

5. Johnny Depp
The hippest actor of his generation still has one item on his professional wish-list: a duet with Barry Manilow.

4. Tom Cruise
We know the price of petrol's gone up a bit, but is there any excuse for spending $1m a year on fuel?

3. Hayden Panetierre & Milo Ventimiglia
The Heroes hunk and hunkette are our second favourite showbiz couple of the week.

2. Kylie Minogue
It'll be Kylie OBE soon enough, you know.

1. Billie Piper & Laurence Fox
Congratulations, newlyweds! Fingers crossed Billie remembered her Secret Diary of a Call Girl props for the honeymoon.