Do you fancy owning a piece of the nation's favourite glamour model? If so, today's your lucky day, because Jordan has announced that she's selling her old breast implants. With characteristic generosity, she's agreed to donate 10% of proceeds from the 32G silicone domes to charity. We're desperate to make an offer, but Mrs. Andre's £1m price tag is proving a bit of an obstacle. Hmm. Would she consider flogging one of them for £500K?

10. Alexa Chung
Is Miss Chung turning into a "diva" after her success on Popworld, 8 out of 10 Cats and... err... Get A Grip?

9. Jaime Winstone
The Phoo Action star says she'd rather film a sex scene with a girl than a boy. Jaime, love, we'd imagine a lot of people are glad to hear you say that.

8. Jason Gardiner
Ouch! Even Simon Cowell reckons Dancing On Ice's purveyor of put-downs is a "nasty piece of work".

7. Paris Hilton
Guys, be very afraid... Miss Hilton's on the hunt for an English boyfriend.

6. Girls Aloud
The feisty five take a swipe at "indie clones" on their storming new single.

5. Amy Winehouse
At this stage in proceedings, is moving in with the Osbournes really such a good idea?

4. Michael Barrymore
The showbiz veteran is mistaken for a tramp after growing a beard. Michael, mate, it's just God's way of telling you to have a shave.

3. Kerry Katona
Oh Kerry, whatever you do, please, please don't relaunch your 'singing' career.

2. Jack Nicholson
Jack-the-lad's tips for top notch septuagenarian sexploits? Well, it's small, blue and very, very stimulating.

1. Jordan
Mrs. Andre, are you prepared to negotiate on price?