Alex - please put the Sex back in Essex!

After reading an article in the Daily Star this week (I don’t buy it, I merely found it abandoned on a train seat, you know) I was stunned to see an article about Alex, revealing his modelling past. It seems the Essex boy used to have lovely long-ish locks but lobbed off his manly mane prior to entering the Big Brother house.

Call the hair-do police - a major crime has been committed on Alex’s head. If you’re wondering where your modelling contracts went Mr Sibley, they went down the plug-hole with the rest of your heavenly hair. Listen, long-haired lover the Leytonstone, get rid of your current ‘half-a-hairdo’, grow back those luscious, sexy locks. That will sure put the sex back into Essex!

So you’re leaving Adele and Kate alone this week, then?

As if. Adele’s game-plan tactics are being slowly realised by her fellow housemates. It seems that PJ is turning detective, using his observational solicitor skills to catch out the sly girl. The Hercule Poirot of the house has finally sussed out who is murdering all the friendships. Expect fireworks between the two before the week is out. Can you imagine what Adele would look like if she really lost her temper? With those muscles, I'll bet she turns into the Incredible Hulk.

I haven’t seen a ventriloquist act this good since Roger De Courcey & Nookie Bear…

The disturbing thing about Adele is her ability to cleverly manipulate the oblivious and painfully impressionable yet outspoken Jade into acting as her ‘mouth-piece’ - allowing Jade to get into trouble for their dual bitching while remaining saintly herself. Clever while in the safety of the Big Brother house but I get the feeling (ok, I’m really hoping - and so are you), that this will all backfire on Adele From Hell on her eviction night.

I read in Adele’s biography that she fantasises about being ‘the greatest’ and suffers from ‘Walter Mitty’ syndrome. Scary woman. Adele, by the time Big Brother is over, you’re going to wish you lived in an alternate reality (if she isn't living in one already).

Silent Sophie Slips up in potential Slapping Saga!

Just when I was warming to Kate, it seems the Kent Conniver is at it again. Before evictee Sophie had even managed to dash to the rich bedroom to sort out her eviction outfit after Davina’s announcement, Kate leaped onto Jonny’s back, proclaiming in her fake, whiny drawl "They love you, Jonny!".

If I was Sophie, I’d have hopped back though those bars and given the little madam a slap faster that you could say "Boo-hoo, Big Brother, I’ve got PMT/ I love Spencer etc".

Cheggers Plays…Big Brother!

There are scurrilous rumours circulating that Keith ‘Cheggers’ Chegwin is to pop up in the Big Brother house sometime in the coming weeks as part of a game. Apparently he will be ‘appearing’ over the garden wall to certain housemates. Call me sad but I personally can’t wait! After recent Channel 5 nude exploits, I just hope Chunky Cheggers keeps his clothes on. Having seen Tim get undressed, I’ve witnessed all the Big Brother Blubber I need to.

Mama I Love You.

Big Brother’s resident Eliza Doolittle Jade had me reaching for my hankie this week when she told the housemates how much she loved her mum. The London lass passionately defended the woman who’s wayward lifestyle and drug addictions robbed Jade of her childhood and education was enough to make even the most hard-nosed Big Brother columnist blub into her cornflakes. Forget what the papers say Mrs Goody, our Jade’s mouth might get her into trouble (for more reasons that one! *smirk*) and she's up for the axe this week but you can’t hate a Cockney chick ‘wot luvs ‘er muvver’.

Only in my dreams…

Yet again reporting on Big Brother is obviously affecting my psyche as my bizarre Big Brother dreams continue. This week, I dreamt that Janice Battersby from Coronation Street was a new housemate. She did a lot of sewing and got on well with Jonny, only to be evicted a week later. She left the house in a helicopter. I think I’ll book an appointment with Brett the Psychologist…

Gambling giggle.

Finally, I went to the bookies today to try and place a bet on Jade being evicted on Friday. The cashiers couldn't stop laughing. Prove them wrong Ms Goody!

Emzi X

Feedback/gossip/comments from Father Jack etc always welcome: Emma Tingay

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