The housemates decided to spend their £100 parting gift from Big Brother on a fast-food banquet this evening.

They sat at the dining table in near-silence as they ploughed through a mound of burgers, pizzas, chips and kebabs, pausing only occasionally to take a swig of lager.

Carole was a little disappointed that the chips seemed to be from a kebab shop rather than a traditional fish and chip shop, but the rest of the group were almost stunned into silence by the food.

"Oh dear, life is good. Thank you people," said Brian.

Moments later, as he sat smoking a post-pizza cigarette, a satisfied Ziggy declared: "That was perfect."