[Huch'net]

SKY SHOWBIZ - Wonderful Website!

Our Advice For EastEnders

EastEnders has taken a ratings battering from Corrie and it shows no sign of abating.

The crisis-torn soap has even seen Emmerdale slowly pull up on the inside to take the mantle as main rival to t'Street.

With its 20th birthday round the corner, and no hope in sight, we give some advice from the heart to help get Enders back where it belongs.

1. Don't Try Comedy!

Corrie can do it, you can't. The Street could even call up Peter Kay for one memorable episode while they still had comedy gold like Norris and Les left on the bench.

Dot Cotton is NOT a comedy character - she is eccentric, and there is a difference. Ian Beale, Minty and the Ferreiras are not purveyors of comedy acting.

If you have to do it, get the professionals in, make the script watertight...and still pray. Enders' strength over the years has been electrifying drama. That's what made it what it was in the Eighties.

Get the characters in, let them develop and go for strong, well-thought out stories. Don't, repeat don't, try to out-Corrie Corrie and go for the gags. It would be no laughing matter for any of us.

2. Lighten Up

OK, we said don't try comedy - but that doesn't mean to say the whole Square needs to be on barbituates. Whenever there's a slight shaft of happiness shining on the East End, another huge black cloud is shoved in to blot it out fast.

It makes for boring telly, it makes people miserable and it makes me want to drink lots of whisky and sit in a dark room listening to hard Belgian techno. Not everyone has to be affected by life-threatening illnesses, chronic debts, unemployment and a boil on their bloody backside.

Some people manage to drag themselves up from the tedium of East End living and hey, even raise a smile of an evening. Reflect on it.

3. Use Alfie Moon More

The cheeky chappie's arrival was as illuminating as anything EastEnders has produced in years. Like a breath of fresh air, Shane Ritchie bowled into the Square with great comic timing, priceless one-liners and a mysterious swagger that promised plenty.

He was also believable. Then he hooked up with Kat Slater - another great move - and it looked like we finally had a new King and Queen of the Vic.

The depression-obsessed EastEnders writers soon put a stop to that.


Just let him lord it behind the bar and be himself. Crikey, even let Shane ad lib and write his own dialogue.

4. And While You're At It, Use Keith Miller More

This guy should have his own show. He's real, he's more entertaining than a million Ferreiras and genuinely looks half-cut 99% of the time.

In fact, the biggest compliment I could give him is he would have slotted into the Nag's Head no problem during Only Fools' prime. He's that good.

The rest of the family aren't up to much, but this guy could be a real hidden jewel among a tired-looking cast. He's even managing to give the weak-as-water football team 'story' legs.

His obsession with educational cable channels is a masterstroke and shows that someone, somewhere in Elstree has some idea of how people like the Millers live.

I implore you, please take advantage of the fella.

5. Kill Off The Ferreiras - And Fast!

Yes, they leave in the spring but it's not soon enough. Possibly Enders' biggest error in history - and I include the introduction of Lenny and Huw in that. Totally uninspiring, pedestrian acting, and it took too long for the the characters to develop.

The poor things haven't been helped by some atrocious scripts. Clearly unloved, the family have lurched from one disaster to another, with little to no happiness and, all along, portrayed by actors not up to the job.

There've even been complaints from the Asian community that they don't reflect Anglo-Asian society - where are the pros to this family?. Get 'em out!

6. Slash The Number Of Episodes

Four into three won't go. Listen, forget the competition from Corrie, because even Corrie's beginning to struggle with a 24/7 filming schedule and minimum four episodes a week.


Enders' quality has dropped dramatically since those halcyon days of Den and Angie. But then, of course, it was only two episodes a week. So don't worry what the opposition are doing, just get back to basics, quietly drop an episode and I guarantee any scraps of quality writing will shine through in a more concentrated format.

Show bosses have resisted doing this so far, but nobody can say why. You know it makes sense!

7. Give The Watts A Back Seat

How many more moody shots, from a director with ideas above his station, do we have to endure of Den - hands in his pockets - looking thoughtful in the dark?

How many more confused conversations with Den and Sharon talking at crossed purposes must there be? The Watts are unrealistic, unhappy and unloved.

They have been vastly over-used to justify Leslie Grantham's salary. Now that it appears he's off - along with Vicky and Sharon - maybe we can finally look forward to a Watts-free EastEnders? Please.

8. Make Characters More Believable

You want an example? Andy Hunt's gangland figure. Come on, the bloke couldn't put the fear into Nat Appleton. Oh, for another, Grant Mitchell. Someone who genuinely looked like he'd be straight down the snooker hall bouncing heads on concrete after filming ended. Old man Miller is a step in the right direction.

9. And If All Else Fails, Get Some BIG Names In

Michael Caine has expressed an interest in getting involved. Gary Oldman's sister plays Big Mo - maybe she could persuade her bro to get down to E20? Ray Winstone, anyone? He admitted recently work has dried up, so what's to stop Enders finding him a role?

Bigger names could play peripheral characters, to give the Square a lift. What have they got to lose? Family Affairs is still some way behind in fourth spot...for the time being.

Hope you all found that interesting, because I didn't - OLD news

[wallo mr slug]

Should definitely NOT use Alfie Moon more! He's unbelievably tedious, his jokes are as flat as anything and he loves himself. Alfie a big NO!

[LiverpoolFCGirl]

All very valid points.
I know what you mean- they have all been stated before.
(a few times)......

[Safra]

Yea its all been said before but i agree with most of it, apart from keith Miller, he's is not interesting in the slightest.

[brooksider]

Originally Posted by Huch'net

SKY SHOWBIZ - Wonderful Website!

Our Advice For EastEnders

EastEnders has taken a ratings battering from Corrie and it shows no sign of abating.

The crisis-torn soap has even seen Emmerdale slowly pull up on the inside to take the mantle as main rival to t'Street.

With its 20th birthday round the corner, and no hope in sight, we give some advice from the heart to help get Enders back where it belongs.

1. Don't Try Comedy!

Corrie can do it, you can't. The Street could even call up Peter Kay for one memorable episode while they still had comedy gold like Norris and Les left on the bench.

Dot Cotton is NOT a comedy character - she is eccentric, and there is a difference. Ian Beale, Minty and the Ferreiras are not purveyors of comedy acting.

If you have to do it, get the professionals in, make the script watertight...and still pray. Enders' strength over the years has been electrifying drama. That's what made it what it was in the Eighties.

Get the characters in, let them develop and go for strong, well-thought out stories. Don't, repeat don't, try to out-Corrie Corrie and go for the gags. It would be no laughing matter for any of us.

2. Lighten Up

OK, we said don't try comedy - but that doesn't mean to say the whole Square needs to be on barbituates. Whenever there's a slight shaft of happiness shining on the East End, another huge black cloud is shoved in to blot it out fast.

It makes for boring telly, it makes people miserable and it makes me want to drink lots of whisky and sit in a dark room listening to hard Belgian techno. Not everyone has to be affected by life-threatening illnesses, chronic debts, unemployment and a boil on their bloody backside.

Some people manage to drag themselves up from the tedium of East End living and hey, even raise a smile of an evening. Reflect on it.

3. Use Alfie Moon More

The cheeky chappie's arrival was as illuminating as anything EastEnders has produced in years. Like a breath of fresh air, Shane Ritchie bowled into the Square with great comic timing, priceless one-liners and a mysterious swagger that promised plenty.

He was also believable. Then he hooked up with Kat Slater - another great move - and it looked like we finally had a new King and Queen of the Vic.

The depression-obsessed EastEnders writers soon put a stop to that.


Just let him lord it behind the bar and be himself. Crikey, even let Shane ad lib and write his own dialogue.

4. And While You're At It, Use Keith Miller More

This guy should have his own show. He's real, he's more entertaining than a million Ferreiras and genuinely looks half-cut 99% of the time.

In fact, the biggest compliment I could give him is he would have slotted into the Nag's Head no problem during Only Fools' prime. He's that good.

The rest of the family aren't up to much, but this guy could be a real hidden jewel among a tired-looking cast. He's even managing to give the weak-as-water football team 'story' legs.

His obsession with educational cable channels is a masterstroke and shows that someone, somewhere in Elstree has some idea of how people like the Millers live.

I implore you, please take advantage of the fella.

5. Kill Off The Ferreiras - And Fast!

Yes, they leave in the spring but it's not soon enough. Possibly Enders' biggest error in history - and I include the introduction of Lenny and Huw in that. Totally uninspiring, pedestrian acting, and it took too long for the the characters to develop.

The poor things haven't been helped by some atrocious scripts. Clearly unloved, the family have lurched from one disaster to another, with little to no happiness and, all along, portrayed by actors not up to the job.

There've even been complaints from the Asian community that they don't reflect Anglo-Asian society - where are the pros to this family?. Get 'em out!

6. Slash The Number Of Episodes

Four into three won't go. Listen, forget the competition from Corrie, because even Corrie's beginning to struggle with a 24/7 filming schedule and minimum four episodes a week.


Enders' quality has dropped dramatically since those halcyon days of Den and Angie. But then, of course, it was only two episodes a week. So don't worry what the opposition are doing, just get back to basics, quietly drop an episode and I guarantee any scraps of quality writing will shine through in a more concentrated format.

Show bosses have resisted doing this so far, but nobody can say why. You know it makes sense!

7. Give The Watts A Back Seat

How many more moody shots, from a director with ideas above his station, do we have to endure of Den - hands in his pockets - looking thoughtful in the dark?

How many more confused conversations with Den and Sharon talking at crossed purposes must there be? The Watts are unrealistic, unhappy and unloved.

They have been vastly over-used to justify Leslie Grantham's salary. Now that it appears he's off - along with Vicky and Sharon - maybe we can finally look forward to a Watts-free EastEnders? Please.

8. Make Characters More Believable

You want an example? Andy Hunt's gangland figure. Come on, the bloke couldn't put the fear into Nat Appleton. Oh, for another, Grant Mitchell. Someone who genuinely looked like he'd be straight down the snooker hall bouncing heads on concrete after filming ended. Old man Miller is a step in the right direction.

9. And If All Else Fails, Get Some BIG Names In

Michael Caine has expressed an interest in getting involved. Gary Oldman's sister plays Big Mo - maybe she could persuade her bro to get down to E20? Ray Winstone, anyone? He admitted recently work has dried up, so what's to stop Enders finding him a role?

Bigger names could play peripheral characters, to give the Square a lift. What have they got to lose? Family Affairs is still some way behind in fourth spot...for the time being.

Hope you all found that interesting, because I didn't - OLD news

actually hollyoaks is uk's fourth soap , it pulls in 3 milion at 6.30pm to family affairs 1 milion.

[Street Worker]

Nothing new there, but it all seems like very solid advice, apart from the Keith Miller bit. I just hope the powers that be at EE agree and are making these changes as we speak.

[Jenelle]

I reckon that in the early days, just after he's quit being Chris Wright, Alfie's character was at its best... he made me laugh out loud many a times, with his amusing (although corny) antics. It's all got a bit tired now.

I can't make up my mind about Keith! Sometimes I think he's great, but occasionally he gets a bit boring... still, I think they've got the makingsof a great character there.

[WalfordWill]

Sounds to me like this Uncle Sky character has been reading these threads, and fancied a doss so he had a go at EastEnders, what every journo does lately when they're having a slow week.

Anyway yeh they're some very valid points, a lot of them already been stated here again and again. I dont' agree with Alfie Moon being used more. I did like him at first but the writers have ruined him for me now. His pairing with Kat seemed like a fantastic idea, and then to have them running the Vic, the heart of Walford, even better. But the writers ****ed up big time with his character and Kat's for that matter.

Keith Miller I really like, I must say. Theres the makings of a good character. The rest of the family havent' been developed enough, but Keith seems like the making of a genuine gem in the rough.

Oh and definitely lay off the comedy, you have clearly demonstrated you can't do it so stop trying!

Louise Berridge admitted the transition from three to four episodes were killing them. Now if that is true, I agree that Enders should be cut back to three episodes a week. It was fine with three. And the fourth one used in special occasions.

The Ferreiras are all going so I won't go into that.

Good advice Uncle Sky, but next time, write your own bloody article and don't nick our thoughts! lol