[itv-rocks!]

"Men are men. We're dirty. We're nasty.
We're guys. - Nick Carter
-----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 17.03.05 ISSUE 248
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

Popbitch delivered to you thanks to Pure
http://www.pure360.com

* An Absolutely Fabulous Royal Wedding
* More Michael Jackson gallows humour
* Charts: Tony Christie is number one
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Popbitch looks into the Crystal ball <<
But still waiting for that Hipsway revival...

We're only five years into the Noughties but
already it's turning out to be a re-run of
the 80s. We have an unpopular Prime Minister
trying to justify a far-off war to a sceptical
electorate, greed is good in business again,
puffball skirts are all over the catwalks,
Desperate Housewives is the new Dynasty and
the titchy one from McFly has an A Flock Of
Seagulls hairdo.

But there is a darker flipside to all this.
There are signs of a second Aids explosion
about to hit gay New York. There's been a
couple of cases of a virulent new strand of
HIV reported which is resistant to drugs.
The gay community is in the grip of a
Crystal Meth epidemic. Crystal has the double
effect of inducing a sense of sexual
liberation and experimentation as well as
exhausting the body and massively depletes
the immune system. So a similar set of
conditions to 1980 is brewing, when the
hedonistic lifestyle and drug culture brought
the gay clubbing community's health so low
that HIV took hold. And with Crystal flooding
into London, it could just as easily happen here.


-----------------------------------------------------
Poor petite Rachel Stevens recently suffered the
ignominy of hearing management ask a photographer on
a magazine shoot to make her thighs look less fat.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Absolutely Fabulous <<
Camilla goes Christian Lacroix

Christian Lacroix, The favourite designer of
Patsy and Edina in Ab Fab, seems to be the
unlikely choice of wedding dress designer
for Camilla Parker Bowles. He flew into the Ritz
last week for just six hours to discuss designs
with Mrs Parker Bowles. The Lacroix team are
keeping very quiet about the final outcome,
but off-white is favoured. Lacroix is trying
to talk Camilla out of her favoured idea of a
dress suit and into a longer dress with
three-quarter length bolero jacket.

Lacroix's last couture season featured
wedding dresses with heavily-beaded veils
that totally covered the face. Let's hope...


-----------------------------------------------------
Camilla goes to talk to the Queen, "You know, every
time I suck Charles' cock I get indigestion."
The Queen replies, "Well, have you tried Andrew's?"
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Killing time with the Killers <<
Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll lifestyle

The Killers are touring Japan at the moment.
After being asked to leave the Park Hyatt
Bar for getting drunk and then placing
their cocks on the shoulders of unsuspecting
female drinkers they retired up to the
rooms to continue to party, with the 15
year-old daughter of a cabinet minister
and Sheena Ringo aka the Japanese Bjork.

Eventually the shenanigans get too much for
the guests in the next room and there is
a knock on the door. One of the band
goes to tell whoever it is to sod off...
but instead finds a US secret service agent,
with a large gun. Just by chance, the next
suite is occupied by ex-Secretary of State,
James Baker. The 15-year old groupie shits
herself with fear, and the Killers run off.


-----------------------------------------------------
Matt from Busted has bought a house in Muswell Hill
for ฃ725,000 through Foxtons.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Too much, too young <<
Mary-Kate scares Counting Crows fans

Mary-Kate Olsen's appearance is starting to
concern New York onlookers. The Twins recently
attended a Counting Crows show at a club, where
M-K appeared to be in a complete trance. At
several points she seemed to collapse, and
need her huge security guard to scoop her up.
Other club goers reported that Mary-Kate is
skeletal, with terrible skin, and her eyes
rolling back a lot. Hmmn, let's hope she hasn't
picked up a fondness for a whole new set of
drugs since she got out of rehab...


-----------------------------------------------------
RIP Baroness Lips von Lipstrell, the "professional
whistler'", who sadly died last week, aged 80.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Big Question <<
What people are asking this week

Which wholesome ex-children's TV presenter was
the unlikely coke dealer to BBC colleagues?

Which teen football superstar was spotted
shitting into a plant pot in a northern
nightclub?


-----------------------------------------------------
Ronaldo's new bride-to-be Daniella Cicarelli
has six toes on one foot.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Rough Guide to Hookers <<
Make your way to Macclesfield

Hooker prices are falling across the capital.
Corporate expense account cut-backs have made
it harder to claim back cash expenses in excess
of ฃ1,000 so prices for top-end talent have fallen
under ฃ250/hr, agencies are more willing to
offer group discounts (e.g. eight girls for the
price of five), and even the highest priced
hookers are willing to consider barebacking
for the right price.

But you can get an even better bargain in
Macclesfield, Cheshire, a Russian au pair
called Romcha, who'll do you at the house
where she looks after the kids. We hear she
can chew gum, smoke a cigarette and watch TV
while you get on with it, and still gives
you change from a tenner.


-----------------------------------------------------
GAKWATCH: a world cocaine glut? Scarface-quality gak
is selling for $40 a gram in South Beach. (Good news
for the winter music conference this week...)
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me <<
Larry Mullen's Walk On The Wildside

LzSK2 writes:
"My friend in LA runs a fetish club called
Fetish Bar Hollywood. It's underneath the
famed Capitol Records building and is across the
road from a big nightclub called Avalon which,
on the night of the Grammies was hosting a
very posh party.

"A chauffeur came up to my friend and asked
what kind of club it was. When told, the
chauffeur went and brought his client to
the club. The client? Larry Mullen Jr."


-----------------------------------------------------
Gruesome Twosome: Kelly Osbourne and the drummer
from The Bravery, after their appearance on the
Friday night project.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Jokes about Jacko pt 354 <<
Kicking a man while he's down...

1. Michael Jackson has sacked his Chinese
lawyer because he's think he's not helping his
case. The lawyer, Mr Pok Um Yung, says Michael
is overreacting.

2. Other celebrities are starting to rally
round Jacko. The Beckhams' have invited him to
take a trip on a yacht with them this summer...
Jackson replied, "Sure... I'd love to come
on your little Cruz."

3. Why do so many people think Jacko is guilty?
Because so many children have fingered him.

More: play Escape From Neverland:
http://www.laserp.com/fun_stuff/escape_neverland.htm


-----------------------------------------------------
Moby was given a sponsored otter at a gig in
Glasgow this week. Its name is Honey and it lives
on the Isle of Skye.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Celebrity stupids <<
It's one of Blue - but not Lee Ryan!

Poor Anthony Costa. His band has split, and he's
not quite pretty or popular enough to land a solo
deal. And now he's about to be humiliated on TV.
An actor posing as an archaeologist dug up the
front garden of his property claiming it was
the site of roman remains. The archaeologist/actor
told Antony he had found a box during the dig
and asked if it belonged to him. Antony said
it didn't. The archaeologist told him the box
contained ฃ10,000 cash, and suggested that as
he and Antony were the only ones who knew about
it, they should say nothing and split the money.
The gullible pop star agreed...


-----------------------------------------------------
Robert Palmer has supposedly left five percent of his
estate to have been donated to a Swiss laboratory
which collects and promotes heritage vegetables.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Things to make you go hmmn <<
Afghani Ali G's, Nipples, Germans

Gracia (ex Pop Idol) is representing Germany
at Eurovision. (Her full name is Gracia
Patricia, and her sister is Patricia Gracia,
as her Mum was such a big Princess Grace fan).
She celebrated her win by dancing around
the stage so crazily her faux-leather bra
broke, and she had to sing the encore in a
zipped-up leather coat. Emma Bunton was the
star guest on the show - she was the only
person not to sing live.
http://www.doteurovision.com/phpnews...ullnews&id=680

Booyaka! Afghani hip hop:
http://www.afghanzmansion.com/

Terrorism is so broadly defined by the new
Prevention of Terrorism bill, that it now
encompasses slogans on t-shirts.

Cute little baby:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6998205/

Buy a nipple fruit:
http://www.tradewindsfruit.com/nipple_fruit.htm

Rent a German:
http://www.rentagerman.de/

Buy a "I (heart) Gypsies" t shirt:
http://www.sparratease.com

For girls who love cock. Apparently:
http://www.manyfishinthesea.co.uk/girlsloveironing


>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries for Sunday 20th March

++ Number One
TONY CHRISTIE/PETER KAY Is This The Way To Amarillo
* First a hit in 1971, written
for Tony by Neil Sedaka.

++ Top Ten
ELVIS PRESLEY She's Not You
JEM They
* Jem plays Coachella on 1 May

G4 Bohemian Rhapsody
GREEN DAY Holiday
BASEMENT JAXX Oh My Gosh

++ Top Twenty
SHAPESHIFTERS Back To Basics
QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE Little Sister
MARS VOLTA The Widow

++ Top Forty
PAUL WELLER Early Morning Rain
BLACKVELVETS 3345
THE GLITTERATI You Got Nothing On Me
* Leeds five-piece tour UK next month

JOSS STONE Spoiled
BECK E-Pro
TERRI WLAKER Whoopsie Daisy
*Grew up in Germany before coming
to boarding school in Britain.

>> End Bit <<
Help Popbitch!

* Email stories, gossip: hello@popbitch.com

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Mailout delivery by http://www.pure360.com

* Web hosting by: http://www.thebunker.net


************************************************
Thanks this week to: N, paul warrior princess,
HL, deidre, elvislivesnextdoor, GH, P, AM
aristocat, L, supercrass, fatlimey, s, vogue
germanycalling, zig_a_zig, clefairy, lebaddass,
Tom (The Twatty One), rt_hon_sidney_spatchcock,
leon_trotsky
*************************************************

Old Jokes' Home:
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom
mirror and says to her husband "I look, horrible,
fat and ugly... please pay me a compliment?"

The husband replies, "Well, your
eyesight's spot on...."

Still Bored?
Remember ice skater Tonya Harding, who tried
to get rival Nancy Kerrigan beaten up? She's
now an enormous, scary boxer:
http://www.charliesweb.com/tonya/whatsnew/whatsnew.html

[Snozzwangler]

Oh good god Stop it!

[itv-rocks!]

sorry. just that i cant read email on my work computer so i have to do it in lunch and as i cant be arsed to read it now, i though it`d do it this afternoon!

[Bellaaahhhh]

Originally Posted by itv-rocks!

"Men are men. We're dirty. We're nasty.
We're guys. - Nick Carter
-----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 17.03.05 ISSUE 248
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

Popbitch delivered to you thanks to Pure
http://www.pure360.com

* An Absolutely Fabulous Royal Wedding
* More Michael Jackson gallows humour
* Charts: Tony Christie is number one
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Popbitch looks into the Crystal ball <<
But still waiting for that Hipsway revival...

We're only five years into the Noughties but
already it's turning out to be a re-run of
the 80s. We have an unpopular Prime Minister
trying to justify a far-off war to a sceptical
electorate, greed is good in business again,
puffball skirts are all over the catwalks,
Desperate Housewives is the new Dynasty and
the titchy one from McFly has an A Flock Of
Seagulls hairdo.

But there is a darker flipside to all this.
There are signs of a second Aids explosion
about to hit gay New York. There's been a
couple of cases of a virulent new strand of
HIV reported which is resistant to drugs.
The gay community is in the grip of a
Crystal Meth epidemic. Crystal has the double
effect of inducing a sense of sexual
liberation and experimentation as well as
exhausting the body and massively depletes
the immune system. So a similar set of
conditions to 1980 is brewing, when the
hedonistic lifestyle and drug culture brought
the gay clubbing community's health so low
that HIV took hold. And with Crystal flooding
into London, it could just as easily happen here.


-----------------------------------------------------
Poor petite Rachel Stevens recently suffered the
ignominy of hearing management ask a photographer on
a magazine shoot to make her thighs look less fat.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Absolutely Fabulous <<
Camilla goes Christian Lacroix

Christian Lacroix, The favourite designer of
Patsy and Edina in Ab Fab, seems to be the
unlikely choice of wedding dress designer
for Camilla Parker Bowles. He flew into the Ritz
last week for just six hours to discuss designs
with Mrs Parker Bowles. The Lacroix team are
keeping very quiet about the final outcome,
but off-white is favoured. Lacroix is trying
to talk Camilla out of her favoured idea of a
dress suit and into a longer dress with
three-quarter length bolero jacket.

Lacroix's last couture season featured
wedding dresses with heavily-beaded veils
that totally covered the face. Let's hope...


-----------------------------------------------------
Camilla goes to talk to the Queen, "You know, every
time I suck Charles' cock I get indigestion."
The Queen replies, "Well, have you tried Andrew's?"
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Killing time with the Killers <<
Glamorous Indie Rock and Roll lifestyle

The Killers are touring Japan at the moment.
After being asked to leave the Park Hyatt
Bar for getting drunk and then placing
their cocks on the shoulders of unsuspecting
female drinkers they retired up to the
rooms to continue to party, with the 15
year-old daughter of a cabinet minister
and Sheena Ringo aka the Japanese Bjork.

Eventually the shenanigans get too much for
the guests in the next room and there is
a knock on the door. One of the band
goes to tell whoever it is to sod off...
but instead finds a US secret service agent,
with a large gun. Just by chance, the next
suite is occupied by ex-Secretary of State,
James Baker. The 15-year old groupie shits
herself with fear, and the Killers run off.


-----------------------------------------------------
Matt from Busted has bought a house in Muswell Hill
for ฃ725,000 through Foxtons.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Too much, too young <<
Mary-Kate scares Counting Crows fans

Mary-Kate Olsen's appearance is starting to
concern New York onlookers. The Twins recently
attended a Counting Crows show at a club, where
M-K appeared to be in a complete trance. At
several points she seemed to collapse, and
need her huge security guard to scoop her up.
Other club goers reported that Mary-Kate is
skeletal, with terrible skin, and her eyes
rolling back a lot. Hmmn, let's hope she hasn't
picked up a fondness for a whole new set of
drugs since she got out of rehab...


-----------------------------------------------------
RIP Baroness Lips von Lipstrell, the "professional
whistler'", who sadly died last week, aged 80.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Big Question <<
What people are asking this week

Which wholesome ex-children's TV presenter was
the unlikely coke dealer to BBC colleagues?

Which teen football superstar was spotted
shitting into a plant pot in a northern
nightclub?


-----------------------------------------------------
Ronaldo's new bride-to-be Daniella Cicarelli
has six toes on one foot.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Rough Guide to Hookers <<
Make your way to Macclesfield

Hooker prices are falling across the capital.
Corporate expense account cut-backs have made
it harder to claim back cash expenses in excess
of ฃ1,000 so prices for top-end talent have fallen
under ฃ250/hr, agencies are more willing to
offer group discounts (e.g. eight girls for the
price of five), and even the highest priced
hookers are willing to consider barebacking
for the right price.

But you can get an even better bargain in
Macclesfield, Cheshire, a Russian au pair
called Romcha, who'll do you at the house
where she looks after the kids. We hear she
can chew gum, smoke a cigarette and watch TV
while you get on with it, and still gives
you change from a tenner.


-----------------------------------------------------
GAKWATCH: a world cocaine glut? Scarface-quality gak
is selling for $40 a gram in South Beach. (Good news
for the winter music conference this week...)
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Kill Me <<
Larry Mullen's Walk On The Wildside

LzSK2 writes:
"My friend in LA runs a fetish club called
Fetish Bar Hollywood. It's underneath the
famed Capitol Records building and is across the
road from a big nightclub called Avalon which,
on the night of the Grammies was hosting a
very posh party.

"A chauffeur came up to my friend and asked
what kind of club it was. When told, the
chauffeur went and brought his client to
the club. The client? Larry Mullen Jr."


-----------------------------------------------------
Gruesome Twosome: Kelly Osbourne and the drummer
from The Bravery, after their appearance on the
Friday night project.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Jokes about Jacko pt 354 <<
Kicking a man while he's down...

1. Michael Jackson has sacked his Chinese
lawyer because he's think he's not helping his
case. The lawyer, Mr Pok Um Yung, says Michael
is overreacting.

2. Other celebrities are starting to rally
round Jacko. The Beckhams' have invited him to
take a trip on a yacht with them this summer...
Jackson replied, "Sure... I'd love to come
on your little Cruz."

3. Why do so many people think Jacko is guilty?
Because so many children have fingered him.

More: play Escape From Neverland:
http://www.laserp.com/fun_stuff/escape_neverland.htm


-----------------------------------------------------
Moby was given a sponsored otter at a gig in
Glasgow this week. Its name is Honey and it lives
on the Isle of Skye.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Celebrity stupids <<
It's one of Blue - but not Lee Ryan!

Poor Anthony Costa. His band has split, and he's
not quite pretty or popular enough to land a solo
deal. And now he's about to be humiliated on TV.
An actor posing as an archaeologist dug up the
front garden of his property claiming it was
the site of roman remains. The archaeologist/actor
told Antony he had found a box during the dig
and asked if it belonged to him. Antony said
it didn't. The archaeologist told him the box
contained ฃ10,000 cash, and suggested that as
he and Antony were the only ones who knew about
it, they should say nothing and split the money.
The gullible pop star agreed...


-----------------------------------------------------
Robert Palmer has supposedly left five percent of his
estate to have been donated to a Swiss laboratory
which collects and promotes heritage vegetables.
-----------------------------------------------------


>> Things to make you go hmmn <<
Afghani Ali G's, Nipples, Germans

Gracia (ex Pop Idol) is representing Germany
at Eurovision. (Her full name is Gracia
Patricia, and her sister is Patricia Gracia,
as her Mum was such a big Princess Grace fan).
She celebrated her win by dancing around
the stage so crazily her faux-leather bra
broke, and she had to sing the encore in a
zipped-up leather coat. Emma Bunton was the
star guest on the show - she was the only
person not to sing live.
http://www.doteurovision.com/phpnews...ullnews&id=680

Booyaka! Afghani hip hop:
http://www.afghanzmansion.com/

Terrorism is so broadly defined by the new
Prevention of Terrorism bill, that it now
encompasses slogans on t-shirts.

Cute little baby:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6998205/

Buy a nipple fruit:
http://www.tradewindsfruit.com/nipple_fruit.htm

Rent a German:
http://www.rentagerman.de/

Buy a "I (heart) Gypsies" t shirt:
http://www.sparratease.com

For girls who love cock. Apparently:
http://www.manyfishinthesea.co.uk/girlsloveironing


>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries for Sunday 20th March

++ Number One
TONY CHRISTIE/PETER KAY Is This The Way To Amarillo
* First a hit in 1971, written
for Tony by Neil Sedaka.

++ Top Ten
ELVIS PRESLEY She's Not You
JEM They
* Jem plays Coachella on 1 May

G4 Bohemian Rhapsody
GREEN DAY Holiday
BASEMENT JAXX Oh My Gosh

++ Top Twenty
SHAPESHIFTERS Back To Basics
QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE Little Sister
MARS VOLTA The Widow

++ Top Forty
PAUL WELLER Early Morning Rain
BLACKVELVETS 3345
THE GLITTERATI You Got Nothing On Me
* Leeds five-piece tour UK next month

JOSS STONE Spoiled
BECK E-Pro
TERRI WLAKER Whoopsie Daisy
*Grew up in Germany before coming
to boarding school in Britain.

>> End Bit <<
Help Popbitch!

* Email stories, gossip: hello@popbitch.com

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Mailout delivery by http://www.pure360.com

* Web hosting by: http://www.thebunker.net


************************************************
Thanks this week to: N, paul warrior princess,
HL, deidre, elvislivesnextdoor, GH, P, AM
aristocat, L, supercrass, fatlimey, s, vogue
germanycalling, zig_a_zig, clefairy, lebaddass,
Tom (The Twatty One), rt_hon_sidney_spatchcock,
leon_trotsky
*************************************************

Old Jokes' Home:
A woman, standing nude, looks in the bedroom
mirror and says to her husband "I look, horrible,
fat and ugly... please pay me a compliment?"

The husband replies, "Well, your
eyesight's spot on...."

Still Bored?
Remember ice skater Tonya Harding, who tried
to get rival Nancy Kerrigan beaten up? She's
now an enormous, scary boxer:
http://www.charliesweb.com/tonya/whatsnew/whatsnew.html

and your point is?

[Dakota.]

Thats... too much to read

[PamelaL]

God, what a waste of space.

[NatsD]

Too much info! Couldn't you just have posted some links instead?

[itv-rocks!]

The waste of space was quoting the whole thing.

[Ratinho]

Originally Posted by itv-rocks!

The waste of space was quoting the whole thing.

True, but it's not like it's a story that you're pointing out at another site to discuss.

If people want to read that, just go to that site.

[Bellaaahhhh]

Originally Posted by itv-rocks!

The waste of space was quoting the whole thing.

So why did you?

[itv-rocks!]

Well, 2 things. 1. It isnt availbilet to just go and read at the site and 2, i have already explained why a few posts back

Popbitch is an opt-in thing and should stay that way.

[Bellaaahhhh]

Uh

about post before last.

[PamelaL]

Originally Posted by cifpower

Popbitch is an opt-in thing and should stay that way.

Indeed.

[PamelaL]

Originally Posted by Bellaaahhhh

Uh

about post before last.

I'm a bit confused as well. I get the gist though, he can't read his e-mails at work or can't be bothered so he's copied and pasted it here to read later. I think.

[itv-rocks!]

yeah, i read the emails at work, pasted it into here so i could read it when i went back to my desk. It seems like a good idea at the time

[Bellaaahhhh]

Originally Posted by PamelaL

I'm a bit confused as well. I get the gist though, he can't read his e-mails at work or can't be bothered so he's copied and pasted it here to read later. I think.

Perhaps he should print it out and enjoy it in the privacy of his own home.

[Ratinho]

Originally Posted by cifpower

Popbitch is an opt-in thing and should stay that way.

That's what I was saying. If you want to see/read it, you can go there, and receive the emails.

[PamelaL]

Originally Posted by itv-rocks!

yeah, i read the emails at work, pasted it into here so i could read it when i went back to my desk. It seems like a good idea at the time

LOL Well it wasn't. Digital Spy isn't your personal organiser.

[itv-rocks!]

I`m sure some people might have found it interesting. save them subscribing! Anyway, no one asked you to read it!

I got this last week anway so,...............um......anyone for a cuppa? Kettle's just boiled.

[itv-rocks!]

1 sugar with milk please

[Nine Bob Note]

Posting libelous gossip on here is likely to get you banned.

[PamelaL]

Originally Posted by itv-rocks!

I`m sure some people might have found it interesting. save them subscribing! Anyway, no one asked you to read it!

I didn't, I receive it via e-mail myself.

[itv-rocks!]

well, i cant seem to edit the post. otherwise i would. i recieve it too by email but like i say, i wanted to read it this afternoon