"I'd like to see Grace fired from a cannon on Friday..." - Big Brother

ladiorange · 15-06-2006, 11:05

I'd like to see Grace fired from a cannon on Friday, landing somewhere past Borehamwood town centre with a muffled splatter

Grace Dent's rant on BB ... A very good column

Day 27
Sunshine Susie
Posted on WED 14 JUNE, 11:00AM
Day 27 in the Big Brother house and Richard is in love. "She's so classy!" he gushes about sunshine Susie, "Her accent's so soothing. It's like living with Liz Hurley or someone royal! And she knows about art and culture and life!" Richard waffles on to anyone who'll listen, painting Susie's personality as the middle ground between Princess Grace of Monaco and Mother Teresa of Calcutta. "She says she's been a model," gushes Richard, "Wow! You can totally see it, can't you?" Meanwhile, Susie sits in her Bacofoil outfit looking every inch the classic English rose.

What Susie's omitted to tell Richard is that she was a stripper. No, not a high-kicking Vegas showgirl with a feathered headdress and a flash of nipple: proper stripping. According to Sunday's tabloids, Susie was a regular turn in those depressing "gentlemen's pubs", where for £1 chucked in a pint glass you can watch emaciated Albanian teenagers in suspenders cavort moodily to bad R 'n' B while the previous "act" warms her bum on a gas heater and counts spare change to pay for her childminder. Apparently one of Susie's ex-fans told the journalist: "I normally give £1 to the other girls, but I find Susie particularly attractive so I give her £2. She makes my heart beat faster."

Regardless of what Susie may or may not have done in the past, she seems like a lovely, normal person. She doesn't cry, scream or need cuddles all the time. Or want to be anyone's mummy. And she's certainly got the measure of Nikki and Grace. In the diary room, Susie nominates Nikki first, saying she's "amusing, but only in small quantities". (A bit like the comedian Jethro or those beggars who paint themselves gold and stand on boxes in town centres.) Susie goes on to say, "Nikki is 24 and has lived a certain lifestyle, but keeps doing a little naive eight-year-old-girl act. She's not naive."

This is bang on the money. Nikki's entire life appears to be one long, dismal fight to get on the VIP reduced-pay guest list in the West End's exclusive nightclubs, where she can prance about wearing just a basque and high heels, and hang out with the sleazy businessmen, playboys, drug dealers, D-list boy-band members, kiss-and-tell slappers, lap dancers, gangsters and cocaine-hoovering harpies who frequent such places. "Oooh, I'm just a lickle giwl. Aren't I silly?" coos Nikki, ten times a day, "I don't know anyfing, me!"

Obviously, I'd like to see Grace fired from a cannon on Friday, landing somewhere past Borehamwood town centre with a muffled splatter, but it worries me that Nikki will stay much longer and her fame will grow. Because, compared with noxious Nikki, Chantelle Houghton and Jade Goody seem like positive role models for young girls.

Yes, Nikki may be occasionally funny, but almost everything else she stands for as a woman makes me want to vomit. She revels in being stupid, unemployable, vain, shallow and capricious. She's skint, but thinks the world owes her a living as she's so special. She sees men as chumps with wallets, who should keep her in Eve Lom mascara and flights to San Tropez.

After publicising all these fine attributes on BB7 for 13 weeks, Nikki will no doubt get her own E4 show. Suddenly all those years of quitting jobs after two hours "cos I don't like being told what to do" and lying on her back with her ankles in the air will seem validated. If Nikki stays much longer, we'll need to lock our daughters in the attic, burn their gossip magazines and force them to watch re-runs of Tenko and Working Girl with Melanie Griffith until the penny drops that women don't have to be numbskulls.

Grace reacts to being nominated exactly as we imagined. She is incredulous. "If Susie comes near me, I'll f***ing go for her. She better not come near me!" Grace fumes. I'd like to see that, I bet Susie's learned some nifty moves during her time in strip pubs - she'd probably snap Grace's neck with a Bruce Lee one-inch punch. "She's mutton dressed as lamb, the f***ing boring old hag. Look at her, she's an old lady! F***ing silicone chunky thighs!" Grace quacks on and on.

"Why are they getting rid of all the good people?" says Nikki. "Huh! I know!" sneers Grace, "The last week will be a freak show and old folks' home." Grace, maybe if you didn't sound like you were reciting the script of Mean Girls, the bookies would give you more than a 1% chance of staying.

Grace and Nikki's behaviour escalates: they splash water at Susie, call her "mutton" within earshot, steal champagne from her room and drink it in the toilet, dress up as her and prance about screeching. "It's like a war dance," says Richard. Aisleyne and Glyn are both in tears.

Pete begs Nikki and Grace to calm down. "I am doing nothing wrong! Nothing at all!" says Grace, standing with one hand on her hip, little snub nose turned to the sun, "Tell me what I am doing wrong, eh?" Pete is silent. He just slowly shakes his head. "That's right!" says Grace, "Nothing!"

Is being shot from a cannon too good for Grace this Friday?

by Grace Dent

NOT BY LADIORANGE! Although I do enjoy reading her column

Waggles · 15-06-2006, 11:14

I don't know about fired from a cannon, but I had a weird dream about her emerging from the house wearing that silly cow outfit.

I don't really want that to happen to her, but in a cartoon-y way, I found that really funny.

teresagreen · 15-06-2006, 11:20

I agree with everything you say. Grace needs to learn some humility as she has obviously been brought up to believe the world revolves around her. She is a bully of the worst kind, intimidating not only those she bullies but anyone who dares to disagree with her.

Nikki is just annoying and thinks her little brat act will get her anywhere she wants.

As for Mikey not understanding why Grace is so hated, have you noticed she only bitches a little bit in front of him? The worst of her malice is evident only when he is not around, and she thinks that's clever! Wait till he gets out.
he will see her for what she is if he has any sense.

Instead of being angry with the press, Grace's mother needs to take a good, long look at the way she has turned out and take some of the resposibility for it.

kurtosis · 15-06-2006, 11:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by teresagreen

I agree with everything you say. Grace needs to learn some humility as she has obviously been brought up to believe the world revolves around her. She is a bully of the worst kind, intimidating not only those she bullies but anyone who dares to disagree with her.

Yes she needs to learn how to deal with others rather than using cheap insults and childish tactics like stealing. But to call her a bully is going a bit far - she's hurt and angry and rightly so.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teresagreen

Nikki is just annoying and thinks her little brat act will get her anywhere she wants.

Nikki is also very immature and thats no excuse - but she does usually apologise for her outbursts afterwards and realises she has to grow up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teresagreen

As for Mikey not understanding why Grace is so hated, have you noticed she only bitches a little bit in front of him? The worst of her malice is evident only when he is not around, and she thinks that's clever! Wait till he gets out.
he will see her for what she is if he has any sense.

The only reason that the bitching around Mikey is less is because that when women get together bitching always escalates and men dont usually go in for that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by teresagreen

Instead of being angry with the press, Grace's mother needs to take a good, long look at the way she has turned out and take some of the resposibility for it.

I think the Press deserve some criticism over the way they've demonised Grace to the extent that they advocate 'shooting her from a cannon'.

THAT is not funny, no matter who they are talking about.

They seem to forget that this is an immature, 20-year old who is likely to be mentally scarred by all the hatred which will be aimed at her by the public and Press the minute she walks through those doors.

It's a shameful state of affairs!

perrin · 15-06-2006, 11:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by kurtosis

I think the Press deserve some criticism over the way they've demonised Grace to the extent that they advocate 'shooting her from a cannon'.

THAT is not funny, no matter who they are talking about.

They seem to forget that this is an immature, 20-year old who is likely to be mentally scarred by all the hatred which will be aimed at her by the public and Press the minute she walks through those doors.

It's a shameful state of affairs!

I was thinking that shooting from a cannon was one of the more comedic methods of eviction.

old_red_eyes · 15-06-2006, 12:18

Quote:

Originally Posted by perrin

I was thinking that shooting from a cannon was one of the more comedic methods of eviction.

I think that's going over the top - over the top of the crowds that is, which Grace might appreciate escaping from.

Now, if only HM Grace was more like Grace Dent, I don't think shw would have a problem. I've never seen Ms Dent, but already I like her.

15-06-2006, 11:05	#1
ladiorange Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 252	"I'd like to see Grace fired from a cannon on Friday..." I'd like to see Grace fired from a cannon on Friday, landing somewhere past Borehamwood town centre with a muffled splatter Grace Dent's rant on BB ... A very good column Day 27 Sunshine Susie Posted on WED 14 JUNE, 11:00AM Day 27 in the Big Brother house and Richard is in love. "She's so classy!" he gushes about sunshine Susie, "Her accent's so soothing. It's like living with Liz Hurley or someone royal! And she knows about art and culture and life!" Richard waffles on to anyone who'll listen, painting Susie's personality as the middle ground between Princess Grace of Monaco and Mother Teresa of Calcutta. "She says she's been a model," gushes Richard, "Wow! You can totally see it, can't you?" Meanwhile, Susie sits in her Bacofoil outfit looking every inch the classic English rose. What Susie's omitted to tell Richard is that she was a stripper. No, not a high-kicking Vegas showgirl with a feathered headdress and a flash of nipple: proper stripping. According to Sunday's tabloids, Susie was a regular turn in those depressing "gentlemen's pubs", where for £1 chucked in a pint glass you can watch emaciated Albanian teenagers in suspenders cavort moodily to bad R 'n' B while the previous "act" warms her bum on a gas heater and counts spare change to pay for her childminder. Apparently one of Susie's ex-fans told the journalist: "I normally give £1 to the other girls, but I find Susie particularly attractive so I give her £2. She makes my heart beat faster." Regardless of what Susie may or may not have done in the past, she seems like a lovely, normal person. She doesn't cry, scream or need cuddles all the time. Or want to be anyone's mummy. And she's certainly got the measure of Nikki and Grace. In the diary room, Susie nominates Nikki first, saying she's "amusing, but only in small quantities". (A bit like the comedian Jethro or those beggars who paint themselves gold and stand on boxes in town centres.) Susie goes on to say, "Nikki is 24 and has lived a certain lifestyle, but keeps doing a little naive eight-year-old-girl act. She's not naive." This is bang on the money. Nikki's entire life appears to be one long, dismal fight to get on the VIP reduced-pay guest list in the West End's exclusive nightclubs, where she can prance about wearing just a basque and high heels, and hang out with the sleazy businessmen, playboys, drug dealers, D-list boy-band members, kiss-and-tell slappers, lap dancers, gangsters and cocaine-hoovering harpies who frequent such places. "Oooh, I'm just a lickle giwl. Aren't I silly?" coos Nikki, ten times a day, "I don't know anyfing, me!" Obviously, I'd like to see Grace fired from a cannon on Friday, landing somewhere past Borehamwood town centre with a muffled splatter, but it worries me that Nikki will stay much longer and her fame will grow. Because, compared with noxious Nikki, Chantelle Houghton and Jade Goody seem like positive role models for young girls. Yes, Nikki may be occasionally funny, but almost everything else she stands for as a woman makes me want to vomit. She revels in being stupid, unemployable, vain, shallow and capricious. She's skint, but thinks the world owes her a living as she's so special. She sees men as chumps with wallets, who should keep her in Eve Lom mascara and flights to San Tropez. After publicising all these fine attributes on BB7 for 13 weeks, Nikki will no doubt get her own E4 show. Suddenly all those years of quitting jobs after two hours "cos I don't like being told what to do" and lying on her back with her ankles in the air will seem validated. If Nikki stays much longer, we'll need to lock our daughters in the attic, burn their gossip magazines and force them to watch re-runs of Tenko and Working Girl with Melanie Griffith until the penny drops that women don't have to be numbskulls. Grace reacts to being nominated exactly as we imagined. She is incredulous. "If Susie comes near me, I'll f*ing go for her. She better not come near me!" Grace fumes. I'd like to see that, I bet Susie's learned some nifty moves during her time in strip pubs - she'd probably snap Grace's neck with a Bruce Lee one-inch punch. "She's mutton dressed as lamb, the fing boring old hag. Look at her, she's an old lady! F**ing silicone chunky thighs!" Grace quacks on and on. "Why are they getting rid of all the good people?" says Nikki. "Huh! I know!" sneers Grace, "The last week will be a freak show and old folks' home." Grace, maybe if you didn't sound like you were reciting the script of Mean Girls, the bookies would give you more than a 1% chance of staying. Grace and Nikki's behaviour escalates: they splash water at Susie, call her "mutton" within earshot, steal champagne from her room and drink it in the toilet, dress up as her and prance about screeching. "It's like a war dance," says Richard. Aisleyne and Glyn are both in tears. Pete begs Nikki and Grace to calm down. "I am doing nothing wrong! Nothing at all!" says Grace, standing with one hand on her hip, little snub nose turned to the sun, "Tell me what I am doing wrong, eh?" Pete is silent. He just slowly shakes his head. "That's right!" says Grace, "Nothing!" Is being shot from a cannon too good for Grace this Friday? by Grace Dent NOT BY LADIORANGE! Although I do enjoy reading her column

15-06-2006, 11:14	#2
Waggles Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Posts: 2,119	I don't know about fired from a cannon, but I had a weird dream about her emerging from the house wearing that silly cow outfit. I don't really want that to happen to her, but in a cartoon-y way, I found that really funny.

15-06-2006, 11:20	#3
teresagreen Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: God's Own County - Yorkshire Posts: 5,523	I agree with everything you say. Grace needs to learn some humility as she has obviously been brought up to believe the world revolves around her. She is a bully of the worst kind, intimidating not only those she bullies but anyone who dares to disagree with her. Nikki is just annoying and thinks her little brat act will get her anywhere she wants. As for Mikey not understanding why Grace is so hated, have you noticed she only bitches a little bit in front of him? The worst of her malice is evident only when he is not around, and she thinks that's clever! Wait till he gets out. he will see her for what she is if he has any sense. Instead of being angry with the press, Grace's mother needs to take a good, long look at the way she has turned out and take some of the resposibility for it.