Really worried for my little sister... - General Discussion

KennyB5 · 18-08-2006, 00:31

Hi everyone.

I just need to get this off my chest because i've thought of nothing else but recently, and its really getting me down.

I'm 17 years old and my sister is 11. My dad died last year, and my sister, well, she grew up practically without a dad for the past 6 years before he died.

The thing is, i'm worried about what she will get into when she's older when it comes to boys etc. In other words, i'm bloody worried she's going to turn into, well, something that you call a girl who's 'been with' lots of boys because of her lack of male attention growing up from her dad (thinking about it psychologically). Every time she comes into contact with any of my uncles, she runs up and hugs them and gives them kisses + they're always really good to her.

If i'm honest, i'm not particularly exactly good. I don't give her cuddles, I don't give her kisses, buy her presents or pay her any attention - and i'm feeling bloody guilty about it.
I'm a teenager, but I feel now that I should've been there for her these last 6 years to take fulfil her missing link as a male role model, but I haven't. In fact, i've been a bully. I don't MEAN to do it; we have our little brother/sister tiffs, I make her cry, she makes me cry...

But what i'm worried about... Is it too late to start standing in as her older male role model??

Childhood is an important part of a life before setting off into the big wide world, and personalities are basically based around how a child is bought up (I learned this in Psychology) --- and i'm just worried about the lack of father figure that may affect her when she is older.

She's a lovely girl, with loads to talk about - she doesn't go outside & hang around with the girls on the street corners, she's better than that. I'm really happy that we have kept her in from that, and I believe she has the ability to go along way in life. It's just the boys i'm worried about and things she might get herself into.

I'm glad i've got that off my chest, but any comments would be really appreciated!

Night_Market · 18-08-2006, 00:35

Yes, don't be 'Dad', but not overly so protective. Keep an eye on her but at the same time don't suffocate her - she will only resent you for the fact.

Just be the big brother thats enough

iiHEARTy0u · 18-08-2006, 01:33

Awww that was a nice first post.

Just be there for her.

mktrix · 18-08-2006, 02:05

just let her know that she can come to you for anything. Build on your relationship with her and be mates. I've an older sister who's 8 years older than me. When growing up, both my parents were very busy but i always knew she'd be around if i needed a chat or whatever as she'd be interested in my life and would take me out to places. Thus she was cool. I dont have any brothers and as i said my parents would be really busy. And i guess i came out alright [lol]. Take her out every now and then and have fun. She'll enjoy your company i bet.

I think there are more important factors that affects whether a girl sleeps around a lot etc such as school friends and values etc.

Dont pressure yourself too much and be the best you can be

Politiks · 18-08-2006, 03:19

If you tell her what to do, she will do the exact opposite. Let her make her own mistakes, but make sure she learns from them. As long as you give her the space & freedom to grow up at her own pace, she'll be fine.

blueblade · 18-08-2006, 06:38

Be there for her, and make advisory comments. But don't smother her, as that will only lead to long term resentment.

Caramels · 18-08-2006, 08:20

Obviously a brother cannot replace a father; but you being the best a brother can be, will go a long way to helping your sister feel secure.

My father died when I was young, and I have always been sorry that I missed out on the father/daughter relationship; there is no doubt in my mind that growing up with both parents is best for a child, although in life sometimes we have to just make the best of what we have been dealt.

I don't quite understand why you feel the loss of her father would make your sister 'sleep around.' I think that she is more likely to honour his memory by thinking how he would have wanted the very best for her, as most fathers do.

Don't feel too bad about how you behaved in the past, you were only a child yourself, who was also grieving the loss of a parent. Just apologise to your sister, and show her you mean it, by making today day one of your new brother/sister relationship. You're growing up, and taking your responsibilties seriously and that's a very positive step.

larrysrabbit · 18-08-2006, 08:28

You need to be there for her, encourage her at school and with her past times. My father died when I was twelve and had been in a home since I was three. As an only child I lacked a male role model in my life and as a result I sought approval from any man who showed an interest - I became one of "those girls". She will try to compensate for the fact she has no father and you really need to get as involved in her life as you can, and as much as she wants, without suffocating her. I'm 29 and the loss of my father completely screwed me up. I fortunately have one of Mr Rabbit's friends who acts as a surrogate father to me, that I can talk to and that will look out for me. It's been a great help.

wench · 18-08-2006, 11:20

Can I just applaud you for your maturity and desire to see your sister grow up on the straight and narrow, I am very impressed.

I went through a similar thing with my little sister (7 yrs younger) when my mother left, she was only 8 at the time. I became her guardian and carer, financially and emotionally, and now she's a grown woman with a career and about to buy her first home.

I firstly made sure I never made the same mistakes my parents made with me, I gave her the freedom that any child of her age should have (my parents were extremely strict) and encouraged her to take up things she enjoyed (ART and music).
I used to take her out on trips just so we would bond more, shopping, activities etc
The simple fact of taking her out makes her realise that I am taking an interest in her, showing her I care, and hopefully making her realise that I will always be there.
At every opportunity I would ask her how she is at school and in general, again taking an interest and if there was anything I could do to make things easier.

Basically the idea is that you want her to feel comfortable enough to be able to open up to you about anything. This way she wont feel the need to hide anything from you and you can keep an eye on what is going on in her life.

The biggest influence you can have on her is to be a role model yourself, by staying out of trouble, doing well at studies/work and showing her that she can succeed just like her brother.

Good Luck, but I'm sure you will both be fine.

nicibabes · 18-08-2006, 11:25

You know, i feel for you here, and like the well thought post you have made. Even though i grew up with a step father (who was an asshole) it was always my brother (who is 7 years older then me) who i looked up to. I adored him and wanted nothing more then be around him and feel loved. This transcended into me being a pain in the butt and following him round every where and even trying to split him up from his girlfriends ( i was only 9!)

Be there for your sister, sit and chat to her about what she has been up to, maybe every couple of weeks, ask her if she wants to go to the pictures to watch something of her choice...it would mean the world to her im sure,. and inthe meantime, you will be raising her confidence so that as she gets older, she will be more likely to come to you with some of her questions re boys (not all mind, us girls like to gossip more with pals)

aww, im gonna call my brother now!

18-08-2006, 00:31	#1
KennyB5 Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Posts: 92	Really worried for my little sister... Hi everyone. I just need to get this off my chest because i've thought of nothing else but recently, and its really getting me down. I'm 17 years old and my sister is 11. My dad died last year, and my sister, well, she grew up practically without a dad for the past 6 years before he died. The thing is, i'm worried about what she will get into when she's older when it comes to boys etc. In other words, i'm bloody worried she's going to turn into, well, something that you call a girl who's 'been with' lots of boys because of her lack of male attention growing up from her dad (thinking about it psychologically). Every time she comes into contact with any of my uncles, she runs up and hugs them and gives them kisses + they're always really good to her. If i'm honest, i'm not particularly exactly good. I don't give her cuddles, I don't give her kisses, buy her presents or pay her any attention - and i'm feeling bloody guilty about it. I'm a teenager, but I feel now that I should've been there for her these last 6 years to take fulfil her missing link as a male role model, but I haven't. In fact, i've been a bully. I don't MEAN to do it; we have our little brother/sister tiffs, I make her cry, she makes me cry... But what i'm worried about... Is it too late to start standing in as her older male role model?? Childhood is an important part of a life before setting off into the big wide world, and personalities are basically based around how a child is bought up (I learned this in Psychology) --- and i'm just worried about the lack of father figure that may affect her when she is older. She's a lovely girl, with loads to talk about - she doesn't go outside & hang around with the girls on the street corners, she's better than that. I'm really happy that we have kept her in from that, and I believe she has the ability to go along way in life. It's just the boys i'm worried about and things she might get herself into. I'm glad i've got that off my chest, but any comments would be really appreciated!

18-08-2006, 00:35	#2
Night_Market Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Kirsty Allsopp's bra Services: Fem Doms Posts: 8,531	Yes, don't be 'Dad', but not overly so protective. Keep an eye on her but at the same time don't suffocate her - she will only resent you for the fact. Just be the big brother thats enough Last edited by Night_Market : 18-08-2006 at 00:36.

18-08-2006, 01:33	#3
iiHEARTy0u Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Scotland xx Posts: 8,528	Awww that was a nice first post. Just be there for her.

18-08-2006, 02:05	#4
mktrix Forum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 648	just let her know that she can come to you for anything. Build on your relationship with her and be mates. I've an older sister who's 8 years older than me. When growing up, both my parents were very busy but i always knew she'd be around if i needed a chat or whatever as she'd be interested in my life and would take me out to places. Thus she was cool. I dont have any brothers and as i said my parents would be really busy. And i guess i came out alright [lol]. Take her out every now and then and have fun. She'll enjoy your company i bet. I think there are more important factors that affects whether a girl sleeps around a lot etc such as school friends and values etc. Dont pressure yourself too much and be the best you can be

18-08-2006, 03:19	#5
Politiks Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Brighton // Northampton Posts: 1,603	If you tell her what to do, she will do the exact opposite. Let her make her own mistakes, but make sure she learns from them. As long as you give her the space & freedom to grow up at her own pace, she'll be fine.

18-08-2006, 06:38	#6
blueblade Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Gender: Male Location: Chelmsford, Essex Services: Sky HD, VM broadband Posts: 37,388	Be there for her, and make advisory comments. But don't smother her, as that will only lead to long term resentment.

18-08-2006, 08:20	#7
Caramels Banned User Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 2,255	Obviously a brother cannot replace a father; but you being the best a brother can be, will go a long way to helping your sister feel secure. My father died when I was young, and I have always been sorry that I missed out on the father/daughter relationship; there is no doubt in my mind that growing up with both parents is best for a child, although in life sometimes we have to just make the best of what we have been dealt. I don't quite understand why you feel the loss of her father would make your sister 'sleep around.' I think that she is more likely to honour his memory by thinking how he would have wanted the very best for her, as most fathers do. Don't feel too bad about how you behaved in the past, you were only a child yourself, who was also grieving the loss of a parent. Just apologise to your sister, and show her you mean it, by making today day one of your new brother/sister relationship. You're growing up, and taking your responsibilties seriously and that's a very positive step.

18-08-2006, 08:28	#8
larrysrabbit Banned User Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Hiding!!!!! Posts: 4,657	You need to be there for her, encourage her at school and with her past times. My father died when I was twelve and had been in a home since I was three. As an only child I lacked a male role model in my life and as a result I sought approval from any man who showed an interest - I became one of "those girls". She will try to compensate for the fact she has no father and you really need to get as involved in her life as you can, and as much as she wants, without suffocating her. I'm 29 and the loss of my father completely screwed me up. I fortunately have one of Mr Rabbit's friends who acts as a surrogate father to me, that I can talk to and that will look out for me. It's been a great help.

18-08-2006, 11:20	#9
wench Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 2,981	Can I just applaud you for your maturity and desire to see your sister grow up on the straight and narrow, I am very impressed. I went through a similar thing with my little sister (7 yrs younger) when my mother left, she was only 8 at the time. I became her guardian and carer, financially and emotionally, and now she's a grown woman with a career and about to buy her first home. I firstly made sure I never made the same mistakes my parents made with me, I gave her the freedom that any child of her age should have (my parents were extremely strict) and encouraged her to take up things she enjoyed (ART and music). I used to take her out on trips just so we would bond more, shopping, activities etc The simple fact of taking her out makes her realise that I am taking an interest in her, showing her I care, and hopefully making her realise that I will always be there. At every opportunity I would ask her how she is at school and in general, again taking an interest and if there was anything I could do to make things easier. Basically the idea is that you want her to feel comfortable enough to be able to open up to you about anything. This way she wont feel the need to hide anything from you and you can keep an eye on what is going on in her life. The biggest influence you can have on her is to be a role model yourself, by staying out of trouble, doing well at studies/work and showing her that she can succeed just like her brother. Good Luck, but I'm sure you will both be fine.

18-08-2006, 11:25	#10
nicibabes Forum Member Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 4,045	You know, i feel for you here, and like the well thought post you have made. Even though i grew up with a step father (who was an asshole) it was always my brother (who is 7 years older then me) who i looked up to. I adored him and wanted nothing more then be around him and feel loved. This transcended into me being a pain in the butt and following him round every where and even trying to split him up from his girlfriends ( i was only 9!) Be there for your sister, sit and chat to her about what she has been up to, maybe every couple of weeks, ask her if she wants to go to the pictures to watch something of her choice...it would mean the world to her im sure,. and inthe meantime, you will be raising her confidence so that as she gets older, she will be more likely to come to you with some of her questions re boys (not all mind, us girls like to gossip more with pals) aww, im gonna call my brother now!