[Anges baby bump]

Ok ok I will admit it. I am no saint and have done this - but this post is not actually about me this time round - I promise!!!!

I just wondered what people's views are (particularly men) on women who do this and whether they instantly rule that women out for a relationship. There is always a lot of stigma as regards to women who tend to put out from the off.

Basically my friend (I promise you it is and those who might know me know that I am having my own relationship issues at the moment! I wished I had a blooming first date to go on!!!) is quite a good time girl but by no means a slapper or anything! She has had a few relationships before where she has slept with the guy in the fairly early stages (i.e. within a week or two). Ultimately they have turned out to mess her around and she always blames the fact that they probably never really respected her in the first place because she jumped in too quick.

Anyhow, moving on. She has met this guy that she really quite likes. She told me from the off that she was going to be the perfect lady and was not going to jump into bed with him for a least a couple of months (or, as long as she could manage!). They have been dating since the beginning of November, had several "dates" and he is now messing her around and has cancelled the last two dates. She thinks she cannot win! She either puts out and they play up or she acts the perfect lady and they do the same anyway!!!

Is there a balance?!? I really do not know what to say to her.....I'm not a man and I dont understand how they work!!!!

[indianwells]

Women who sleep with you on a first date are showing they are very sensitive to a mans needs and as such,are to be applauded.

She must be picking the wrong men I think its down to personal choice. I have respect for myself and like to get to know the person first so I wouldnt run and jump into it.

[PamelaL]

If someone likes you they like you and will make every effort to spend time with you. His making excuses to get out of dates means he doesn't really like her that much. It's pretty simple really. There's no balance.

[Anges baby bump]

Originally Posted by PamelaL

If someone likes you they like you and will make every effort to spend time with you. His making excuses to get out of dates means he doesn't really like her that much. It's pretty simple really. There's no balance.

Its a very strange situation which I haven't really gone into too much detail about but basically its her ex-boss. She left the company two months ago and its kicked off since then. I used to sit next to her (she and I left the company on the same day) and I could always sense the chemistry between them. But being professional nothing was instigated until after she left. I think that also played more of a part as to why she wanted to act more of a lady during the dating, they had worked together for 2 years.

Theres also an age gap. She is 21 (albeit very mature) and he is 35.

[timboy]

What is the point wasting time to get down to business if it transpires you aren't compatible bedroom department wise?

Get it over with ASAP and take things from there.

[maimou]

Any man that negatively judges a woman for doing something that he is also doing is a fool, simple as that.

[pickwick]

If they're in any way blokes you would want to be going out with in the first place, it wouldn't matter. If they liked you, they'd like you whether you waited a few months or not. If they decided they weren't interested because you put out too easily (or, conversely, if they hung around just because you hadn't given in to them yet) then they're arseholes you wouldn't want to be in a relationship with anyway.

The only important question is whether you want to sleep with each other.

[kimindex]

Originally Posted by maimou

Any man that negatively judges a woman for doing something that he is also doing is a fool, simple as that.

Well said and I completely agree (again). (At this rate, you'll get me starting to like Arsenal ).



(Maybe not!)

[maimou]

Originally Posted by kimindex

Well said and I completely agree (again). (At this rate, you'll get me starting to like Arsenal ).



(Maybe not!)

Now that would be a feat!

[Toxic Bunni]

Originally Posted by maimou

Any man that negatively judges a woman for doing something that he is also doing is a fool, simple as that.

Damn straight!

[Gornall Bell]

Someone who has sex with a stranger, such as on a first date I would consider being a slag.

[Anges baby bump]

Your male?

[Toxic Bunni]

Originally Posted by Gornall Bell

Someone who has sex with a stranger, such as on a first date I would consider being a slag.

What do you class as a stranger?

[calendargirl]

I don't judge what others do. I personally won't have a relationship with someone if I sleep with them too soon, the last (ever) time I had a one night stand, he wanted to take me out for dinner and whatnot but I felt a bit slutty for putting out so quick and refused to see him again. It was a bit bitchy really, he probably felt used and maybe he was, this is why I don't sleep with people too soon anymore.

[elena]

I'm married now so hence no need for sleeping with guys on first dates, but when I was unattached, I did it several times. You can tell when the time is right. Go for it. How soon it is after you met the person is irrelevant. But, hey, I'm a sexual liberal. I don't really see sex as some kind of sacrosanct activity, just as something fun people do often.

Also depends what you want from a relationship, I think.

[Anges baby bump]

I've only done it twice and it couldnt be more different.

I have continued a relationship with a one night stand only for him to mistrust me throughout the six months we had together based on his opinion that I would "jump into bed with anything". I had actually been single for a year before him and needs must and all that(!) and he couldnt have been further from the truth. His constant accusations and mis-judged opinions of me meant the relationship went no-where, I later found out that he was in a serious relationship of four years and I was the "bit on the side" that I knew nothing about - double standards or what!!!!!

On the flip side, I met my ex in a bar and we talked on the phone for two weeks/emailed etc before we went on our first date and ended up going home together. We had a wonderful relationship and it made no odds that we had become involved so soon.

[Gornall Bell]

Originally Posted by Anges baby bump

Your male?

Yes, but I would say anyone, male or female who slept with someone on a first date is a slag.

[blueboy]

Well, i am with my partner now and have been for 18 years. She made me wait nearly 6 weeks before jumping into bed with me. I respect her fully for that and i feel that has helped enornmously in sustaining our relationshiop for so long. It gave me absolute trust in her.

Should she have slept with me the first night, i am not convinced we would be together now.

[grotbags1975]

too much emphasis is put on the term 'relationship', do what you feel is right at the time.

[iiHEARTy0u]

Originally Posted by indianwells

Women who sleep with you on a first date are showing they are very sensitive to a mans needs and as such,are to be applauded.

Lol you are to be applauded for saying that.

[kimindex]

Originally Posted by blueboy

Well, i am with my partner now and have been for 18 years. She made me wait nearly 6 weeks before jumping into bed with me. I respect her fully for that and i feel that has helped enornmously in sustaining our relationshiop for so long. It gave me absolute trust in her.

Should she have slept with me the first night, i am not convinced we would be together now.

Why not? Surely it's a mutual decision and what if you'd made her wait for six weeks? Would it impact on her view of you?

Did you want to sleep with her on the first night? If so, does that mean she shouldn't respect you or not as much or form a negative attitude to you (I apologise if I'm wrong but you seem to be saying that, had she not made you wait, your respect for her would be less)?

[NathalieR]

I've done it before and I dont consider myself a slag!

[browncube]

why do people think that sex or lack of it at the start will keep a relationship together, I tend to sleep with people on a first date (as I enjoy it ) but if that ever went in to a relationship Im monogamous.

trust is a wonderful thing

[timboy]

Originally Posted by blueboy

Should she have slept with me the first night, i am not convinced we would be together now.

And your aunt would be your uncle if she had balls.

You don't know that would be the case.

I slept with an ex within 4 hours of meeting her and we were together for almost 5 years.

I went out with a lass after her and we didn't have sex for about a month and that relationship finished about 2 months later.