Estate Agents say the funniest things... - General Discussion

lemoncurd · 20-05-2007, 12:23

<plants tongue in cheek and awaits Agent Krycek>

Why, oh why, oh why do estate agents, in their property ads, put in the phrase "internal viewing highly recommended". Who in their right goddamn mind buys a property without viewing it first??

Other amusing listings:

"A deceptive property..." - Why would I want a house that deceives me? I want an honest property, thank you!

"...needs a little updating....." - There's no f***ing floors!

"garage/workshop" - Look, if my car was in that garage, I wouldn't have room to fart, let alone run an entire `workshop'.

"..in this popular area..." - EVERY area seems to be popular in estateagentland! It's `popular' with junkies and gangland criminals, yeah - doesn't mean I want to live there.

"laid mainly to gravel" - That doesn't even make sense, does it? "gravel thrown on garden" would be better.

"charming" - "small"

"Accommodation comprising lounge, kitchen/diner, 2 bedrooms and bathroom. Further benefits from double glazing" - Further than what?? Am I now to believe that the basic room makeup of a house that I'm paying £200k for is a `benefit'? A kitchen is now a benefit? Pah!

"15'2 x 12'10, narrowing to 9'8" - Arrggh! Moving walls!

jen0607 · 20-05-2007, 12:27

Don't get me started on estate agents.

They are all money grabbing evil twisted people!

pxd867 · 20-05-2007, 12:28

"centrally located to transport links" - It's in the middle of a motorway

RuthStar · 20-05-2007, 12:33

Quote:

Originally Posted by jen0607

Don't get me started on estate agents.

They are all money grabbing evil twisted people!

I want to be a estate agent when i am older

reem14 · 20-05-2007, 12:41

They're just doing their job really, but i agree, those are some very weird things to say about a property!

jen0607 · 20-05-2007, 12:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by X-Rufus-X

I want to be a estate agent when i am older

lol

They pee me off because they think they can get away with charging renting tenants £200 for 'admin'. They often don't give tenants their deposits back, and will add HUGE charges for a whole manner of other things.

I have no idea about charges for those who buy, but I would imagine its just as bad!

fluffybunyip · 20-05-2007, 12:45

Quote:

Originally Posted by jen0607

lol

They pee me off because they think they can get away with charging renting tenants £200 for 'admin'. They often don't give tenants their deposits back, and will add HUGE charges for a whole manner of other things.

I have no idea about charges for those who buy, but I would imagine its just as bad!

What the heck is that about?? Here in Southampton, it was going to cost us £2,300 just to move into a privately rented place.
I hate the way in estate-agent land everything is a 'feature', a decking feature, a gravel feature, a water feature, a spotlight feature. Gah!

Sloopy · 20-05-2007, 12:45

I used to work at an estate agents and it is all true!

Channel Hopper · 20-05-2007, 12:49

Have Foxtons come up cleaner than white since the BBC Whistleblower programme ?

http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/mortgag...0&in_page_id=8

lemoncurd · 20-05-2007, 12:49

Here's another one, "mature gardens" - "overgrown"

jen0607 · 20-05-2007, 12:57

Quote:

Originally Posted by fluffybunyip

What the heck is that about?? Here in Southampton, it was going to cost us £2,300 just to move into a privately rented place.
I hate the way in estate-agent land everything is a 'feature', a decking feature, a gravel feature, a water feature, a spotlight feature. Gah!

Exactly! I was looking to move through a letting agent, and it was going to cost me £1700.......

As for the features, they are trying to sound big and clever. Shame it doesn't work!

20-05-2007, 13:13

Oh that's reminded me of this:

Quote:

In the 1960s, the best-read part of Britain’s Sunday papers weren’t the articles. They were the tiny property ads in the classified section, written by an estate agent called Roy Brooks. Brooks was an honest Estate Agent, and USPs don’t come any more unique than that. Brooks’ ads were unpredictable, shocking and often pure Gonzo.

He, described one house as a “BROTHEL IN PIMLICO”, poured scorn on his clients’ tastes and warned buyers to watch where they stepped, as the floor might cave in. He hinted at the sellers’ racy lives, “BLONDE ACTRESS tells us secluded garden perfect ‘For natural sunbathing’”. Sometimes he left the subject of houses altogether and just ranted about politics, or his hatred of South London. Oh – and he was wildly successful.

Some of his best ads were compiled into a book called 'A Brothel in Pimlico' actually. Makes for some very amusing reading.

Inkblot · 20-05-2007, 13:19

Once they find a word they like they can't stop using it.

"Benefiting from two bedrooms... with the benefit of a separate bathroom and W.C. ... benefiting from easy transports links... would suit someone on benefits... "

That kind of thing.

jen0607 · 20-05-2007, 13:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Inkblot

Once they find a word they like they can't stop using it.

"Benefiting from two bedrooms... with the benefit of a separate bathroom and W.C. ... benefiting from easy transports links... would suit someone on benefits... "

That kind of thing.

That's something you'll rarely read!

They make me laugh......no DSS is the preferred quote of estate agents. Since the DSS no longer exists, that's a pretty stupid thing to say isn' it!

Mr N · 20-05-2007, 13:29

The funniest thing my estate agent said to me was you owe me £1000 when I only owed him £500. Actually that wasn't funny more of a shock, but proving him wrong was very funny

agentz · 20-05-2007, 16:19

There's one particular agent who works for an Edinburgh branch of a multi-national estate agency who goes in for the most flowery crap in his property descriptions it makes me want to puke.

He has another irritating habit - taking far too many pictures of a property. I kid you not, he frequently has 1 bedroom flats for sale in north Edinburgh with (in some cases) up to 70 pictures on the web. Here's a picture of the front door (closed), a picture of the front door (open), a picture of the hallway laminate flooring, a picture of a picture on the wall that the seller is taking with them, a picture of the concealed bin in a kitchen cupboard, a picture of the potplant that the owners cat has pissed in.

The man also tries to get a wee picture of himself into as many property listings as he can - usually you've got to look hard but they're there. Reflections of himself in kettles, mirrors, chrome toasters (I kid you not!) and so on.

blueblade · 20-05-2007, 16:36

Compact ~ tiny

In need of modernisation ~ virtually derelict

Popular residential area - overrun by chavs

Much sought after residential area - horrendously expensive

Premier location - off the price scale

newwoman · 20-05-2007, 16:40

Why do they always say 'family bathroom'? Where did that one come from?

Does that mean you can't use it unless you're a family member or what? Just don't get why it's not just called a bathroom anymore.

newwoman · 20-05-2007, 16:41

Quote:

Originally Posted by blueblade

Compact ~ tiny

In need of modernisation ~ virtually derelict

Popular residential area - overrun by chavs

Much sought after residential area - horrendously expensive

Premier location - off the price scale

Also.

XXX school catchment area - Full of pushy middle class parents prepared to pay over the odds for a very average house, just to save paying out school fees.

20-05-2007, 16:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by newwoman

Why do they always say 'family bathroom'? Where did that one come from?

Does that mean you can't use it unless you're a family member or what? Just don't get why it's not just called a bathroom anymore.

To distinguish from en-suites?

Of course, if it's an en-suite then the estate agent will probably refer to it as such and not as a bathroom so that's probably not a very good reason.

Dunno then...

mavis b sausage · 20-05-2007, 16:53

Deceptively spacious = no room to swing a cat when there's furniture in it.

lemoncurd · 20-05-2007, 22:04

I've just come across one that at the end says "Very nice."
You know, what I don't think I'm gonna take your word on that!

Also, "glazed French doors to patio". Has anyone come across French windows which aren't glazed? In fact, isn't it tautologous?

valskey · 20-05-2007, 22:25

Easy to maintain garden=very small garden with no plants.

valskey · 20-05-2007, 22:28

'We are pleased to offer for sale' - of course they are, its their job.

blueblade · 20-05-2007, 22:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by newwoman

Why do they always say 'family bathroom'? Where did that one come from?

Does that mean you can't use it unless you're a family member or what? Just don't get why it's not just called a bathroom anymore.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bookends

To distinguish from en-suites?

Of course, if it's an en-suite then the estate agent will probably refer to it as such and not as a bathroom so that's probably not a very good reason.

Dunno then...

I always get the impression that the "family" bathroom will be bigger then your average bathroom, but they're probably exactly the same.

As for ensuites you usually see something like "family bathroom and en suite to master bedroom".

Come to think of it, what's a "master bedroom" when it's at home ?

20-05-2007, 12:23	#1
lemoncurd Forum Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Gender: Male Location: Bristol Services: Freeview (Fusion FVRT200 DVR); BeUnlimited 8Mb Posts: 23,299 Blog Entries: 1	Estate Agents say the funniest things... <plants tongue in cheek and awaits Agent Krycek> Why, oh why, oh why do estate agents, in their property ads, put in the phrase "internal viewing highly recommended". Who in their right goddamn mind buys a property without viewing it first?? Other amusing listings: "A deceptive property..." - Why would I want a house that deceives me? I want an honest property, thank you! "...needs a little updating....." - There's no f*ing floors! "garage/workshop" - Look, if my car was in that garage, I wouldn't have room to fart, let alone run an entire `workshop'. "..in this popular area..." - EVERY area seems to be popular in estateagentland! It's `popular' with junkies and gangland criminals, yeah - doesn't mean I want to live there. "laid mainly to gravel" - That doesn't even make sense, does it? "gravel thrown on garden" would be better. "charming" - "small" "Accommodation comprising lounge, kitchen/diner, 2 bedrooms and bathroom. Further benefits from** double glazing" - Further than what?? Am I now to believe that the basic room makeup of a house that I'm paying £200k for is a `benefit'? A kitchen is now a benefit? Pah! "15'2 x 12'10, narrowing to 9'8" - Arrggh! Moving walls!

20-05-2007, 12:27	#2
jen0607 Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 9,196	Don't get me started on estate agents. They are all money grabbing evil twisted people!

20-05-2007, 12:28	#3
pxd867 Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: UK Services: Broadband 2MB. Freeview, TUTV- Toppy 5800 PVR, PS2 + PSP Posts: 9,760	"centrally located to transport links" - It's in the middle of a motorway

20-05-2007, 12:41	#5
reem14 Forum Member Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Swansea Posts: 1,547	They're just doing their job really, but i agree, those are some very weird things to say about a property!

20-05-2007, 12:45	#8
Sloopy Forum Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Posts: 59,914	I used to work at an estate agents and it is all true!

20-05-2007, 12:49	#9
Channel Hopper Inactive Member Join Date: Apr 2002 Location: Pergatory, it be near Croydon Services: BT 500 Plug and Go, and BIG bastard motorised dish Posts: 15,504	Have Foxtons come up cleaner than white since the BBC Whistleblower programme ? http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/mortgag...0&in_page_id=8

20-05-2007, 13:19	#13
Inkblot Forum Member Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: West London Services: Sky+; ADSL; Apples'n'iPears Posts: 13,245	Once they find a word they like they can't stop using it. "Benefiting from two bedrooms... with the benefit of a separate bathroom and W.C. ... benefiting from easy transports links... would suit someone on benefits... " That kind of thing.

20-05-2007, 13:29	#15
Mr N Forum Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Services: Freeview, Satellite, TalkTalk phone and internet. Posts: 2,645	The funniest thing my estate agent said to me was you owe me £1000 when I only owed him £500. Actually that wasn't funny more of a shock, but proving him wrong was very funny

20-05-2007, 16:19	#16
agentz Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2001 Location: Scotland Services: VM TV and BB,Sony C905 on Voda,PC,MacBook,Panny DMR-E85, TX32LMD70 Posts: 2,045	There's one particular agent who works for an Edinburgh branch of a multi-national estate agency who goes in for the most flowery crap in his property descriptions it makes me want to puke. He has another irritating habit - taking far too many pictures of a property. I kid you not, he frequently has 1 bedroom flats for sale in north Edinburgh with (in some cases) up to 70 pictures on the web. Here's a picture of the front door (closed), a picture of the front door (open), a picture of the hallway laminate flooring, a picture of a picture on the wall that the seller is taking with them, a picture of the concealed bin in a kitchen cupboard, a picture of the potplant that the owners cat has pissed in. The man also tries to get a wee picture of himself into as many property listings as he can - usually you've got to look hard but they're there. Reflections of himself in kettles, mirrors, chrome toasters (I kid you not!) and so on.

20-05-2007, 16:36	#17
blueblade Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Gender: Male Location: Chelmsford, Essex Services: Sky HD, VM broadband Posts: 37,363	Compact ~ tiny In need of modernisation ~ virtually derelict Popular residential area - overrun by chavs Much sought after residential area - horrendously expensive Premier location - off the price scale

20-05-2007, 16:40	#18
newwoman Forum Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Brentwood area Posts: 8,750	Why do they always say 'family bathroom'? Where did that one come from? Does that mean you can't use it unless you're a family member or what? Just don't get why it's not just called a bathroom anymore.

20-05-2007, 16:53	#21
mavis b sausage Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Perthshire Posts: 1,996	Deceptively spacious = no room to swing a cat when there's furniture in it.

20-05-2007, 22:04	#22
lemoncurd Forum Member Join Date: Nov 2002 Gender: Male Location: Bristol Services: Freeview (Fusion FVRT200 DVR); BeUnlimited 8Mb Posts: 23,299 Blog Entries: 1	I've just come across one that at the end says "Very nice." You know, what I don't think I'm gonna take your word on that! Also, "glazed French doors to patio". Has anyone come across French windows which aren't glazed? In fact, isn't it tautologous?

20-05-2007, 22:25	#23
valskey Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Worthing, West Sussex Services: NTL Broadband Posts: 4,131	Easy to maintain garden=very small garden with no plants.

20-05-2007, 22:28	#24
valskey Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Worthing, West Sussex Services: NTL Broadband Posts: 4,131	'We are pleased to offer for sale' - of course they are, its their job.