Funny Exam Answers - General Discussion

stud u like · 02-06-2007, 08:58

Have been laughing so much,tears have come to my eyes. These are amazing!

It's hard to believe these exam answers are true, I know standards are
slipping but...

They do seem very funny though

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Presumably also the inspiration of Vivaldi (don't forget the Ketchup)

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

(dead sheep could really block your tap)

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.

(can't argue with that)

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

TECHNOLOGY

Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

(to keep him cool in the desert ?)

RELIGION
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in
hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot.
The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we
wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female
moth

Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits,
and threw the java.

Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The
Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be
made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."

Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw.
Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for
the same offence.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of
the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also
wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote
loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was
calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this.

During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a
great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the
Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is
in the East and the sun sets in the West.

My personal favourite paper to mark, was completely empty apart from
one sentence.
" Jesus, Please Help Me."

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the
Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of
their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened
bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on
Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever
reached Canada.

Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people
advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.
After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people
Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the
fiddle to them.

In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of
the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also
wrote literature.

Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple
while standing on his son's head.

Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success.
When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented
removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the
circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure
because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis
Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was
born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much
money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,
comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and
Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be
laid by Juliet.

Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote
Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote
Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's
Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many
people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was
responsible for all this.

One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks
in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the
post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer
had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin
were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin
discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A
horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and
is still dead.

Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure
domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the
right to keep bare arms.

Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother
died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with
his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln
went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a
moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a
supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire
invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the
autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large
number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which
he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was
the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was
half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and
catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his
power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any
children.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.
She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final
event which ended her reign.

The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and
inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing
by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river
to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did
the work of a hundred men.

Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a
naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered
radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an
anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

England Rocks · 02-06-2007, 09:06

I liked one that was a maths question on triangles, that said "find x" (which was a length on the triangle). the student circled the letter "x" and said "its here"

link

englandrocks.

pjb007 · 02-06-2007, 09:12

Just Googled

funny exam answers

Some good results there

Rian1988 · 02-06-2007, 09:45

I like the one with the elephant in the way.

Granny Weatherwax · 02-06-2007, 09:54

I love the Arch-Duck!

I remember one from I was sitting 'O' grade biology and we were given a list of what not to answer.

Q: Why should pregnant women not smoke

A: Because it stains the embryo yellow.

ForestChav · 02-06-2007, 11:38

Quote:

Originally Posted by stud u like

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children.

Well that's right, but I believe the other answers to be spoofs!

CXC3000 · 02-06-2007, 11:40

Awww, excellent

Examinus · 02-06-2007, 12:04

Q: Give an example of bravery.
A: This.

Vaan · 02-06-2007, 12:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by England Rocks

I liked one that was a maths question on triangles, that said "find x" (which was a length on the triangle). the student circled the letter "x" and said "its here"

link

englandrocks.

haha, Thats a great one

Techically shes right!

Milky Joe · 02-06-2007, 12:37

This is my favourite maths one:

http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/1...todeathaz9.jpg

There has been many a time when i've almost ended up writing something similar to that!!

Spot · 02-06-2007, 12:37

There's a story told by Brian Johnston in his autobiography about one of his classmates at school, William Douglas-Home (brother of Alec) who subsequently became a famous playwright. In one of his exams the instruction was 'Write as briefly as you can on the future of coal'. William wrote one word - smoke!

I think he was awarded seven out of ten as the master conceded that the answer was both brief and accurate!

Faxy Fowler · 02-06-2007, 12:42

I recall my Christian Ethics 'AS' level a few years back.

When we came out, and the old "what questions did you do" was bandied around, my mate talked about how he answered the question on corporal punishment, which I had done, and I started about bringing back the cane in school, at which point, his face dropped....he had written about 4 sides on the rights and wrongs...of the death penalty!!!

If you ain't worked it out, he got his corporal and capital punishment mixed up!!!!!

big mac · 02-06-2007, 12:46

My Biology teacher once told me about a paper that she had marked, and one of the question was "What is the function of sperm in the reproductive system". The kid had answered "it tastes bitter".

Don't ask if it was a boy or a girl, mind!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spot

There's a story told by Brian Johnston in his autobiography about one of his classmates at school, William Douglas-Home (brother of Alec) who subsequently became a famous playwright. In one of his exams the instruction was 'Write as briefly as you can on the future of coal'. William wrote one word - smoke!

Brian Johnston seemed like quite a character at school himself. Apparently, one morning he walked in at about ten o'clock and the teacher said "you're late". Instead of apologising he simply said "Have I missed anything?"

LostFool · 02-06-2007, 13:50

I once got into trouble for answering a question in a biology exam:

Q: Suggest one cause of indegestion

My A: Eating school dinners

Minnimo · 02-06-2007, 14:19

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostFool

I once got into trouble for answering a question in a biology exam:

Q: Suggest one cause of indegestion

My A: Eating school dinners

Ahhh very good answer though

reem14 · 02-06-2007, 14:36

Quote:

Originally Posted by LostFool

I once got into trouble for answering a question in a biology exam:

Q: Suggest one cause of indegestion

My A: Eating school dinners

lol! that's funny!

pad · 02-06-2007, 14:46

There's a book I got a few years ago called "H2O and All That" by Martyn Berry, and it's daft answers from GCSE/O Level Chemistry papers..

Things like

"the formula for H2O is 0.8"

"Sodium is so dangerous it cannot be handled by human beings, only by chemistry teachers"

"Water must contain Hydrogen otherwise the oxygen would float away"

I don't know if it's still in print but it's an excellent book

p.

diva queen · 02-06-2007, 14:54

I gave some silly answers in my GCSE Geography Exam

andrewisasecret · 02-06-2007, 15:02

I have 2 stories.

In some science exam i took there was a question describing a liquid as "white and milky" and i had to put down what it was and i didn't know the answer so i put down "milk".

For the second story, this is from the GCSE ICT exam from 1 and a half weeks ago. Its not a funny answer but a funny question. The question was talking about the barcode scanners you get in shops and it said "If the barcode scanner does not make a bleep when an item is scanned, why might this be?" and then we had to tick a box and 1 of the options was "Because the person operating it doesn't like bleepy noises and has turned the bleep off."

02-06-2007, 08:58	#1
stud u like Forum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Gender: Male Location: The Sunny Side Of The Street Services: masculine men with passion! Posts: 19,015 Blog Entries: 14	Funny Exam Answers Have been laughing so much,tears have come to my eyes. These are amazing! It's hard to believe these exam answers are true, I know standards are slipping but... They do seem very funny though Q: Name the four seasons. A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Presumably also the inspiration of Vivaldi (don't forget the Ketchup) Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink. A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. (dead sheep could really block your tap) Q: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental. Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. A: Premature death. Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the cow. (can't argue with that) Q: What does the word "benign" mean? A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight. TECHNOLOGY Q: What is a turbine? A: Something an Arab wears on his head. (to keep him cool in the desert ?) RELIGION Q: What is a Hindu? A: It lays eggs. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and travelled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus." Joan of Arc was burn to a steak and was canonised by Bernard Shaw. Finally, Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offence. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of the blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died of this. During the Renaissance, history began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America whilst cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. My personal favourite paper to mark, was completely empty apart from one sentence. " Jesus, Please Help Me." The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?" Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah." It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

02-06-2007, 09:06	#2
England Rocks Forum Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Northampton Posts: 6,852	I liked one that was a maths question on triangles, that said "find x" (which was a length on the triangle). the student circled the letter "x" and said "its here" link englandrocks.

02-06-2007, 09:12	#3
pjb007 Forum Member Join Date: May 2003 Location: Shropshire - (Tx: The Wrekin) Services: Sky+, Sky Broadband Connect, Sky Talk. OS: XP Pro, Vista Home Premium Posts: 9,936	Just Googled funny exam answers Some good results there

02-06-2007, 09:45	#4
Rian1988 Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,227	I like the one with the elephant in the way.

02-06-2007, 09:54	#5
Granny Weatherwax Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2005 Location: Tending the Goats Services: All the dirty jobs Posts: 5,659 Blog Entries: 1	I love the Arch-Duck! I remember one from I was sitting 'O' grade biology and we were given a list of what not to answer. Q: Why should pregnant women not smoke A: Because it stains the embryo yellow.

02-06-2007, 11:40	#7
CXC3000 Forum Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Shire of York Posts: 5,460	Awww, excellent

02-06-2007, 12:04	#8
Examinus Forum Member Join Date: Apr 2004 Location: Spooner Street Services: Petercopter Posts: 16,632 Blog Entries: 17	Q: Give an example of bravery. A: This.

02-06-2007, 12:37	#10
Milky Joe Forum Member Join Date: May 2001 Location: 0.3 units from doom Services: Wii - Ask for wii number! Posts: 17,448	This is my favourite maths one: http://img513.imageshack.us/img513/1...todeathaz9.jpg There has been many a time when i've almost ended up writing something similar to that!!

02-06-2007, 12:37	#11
Spot Forum Member Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Norwich, Tacolneston tx Services: Namesco Broadband, Freeview, FTA DSat, DAB. Posts: 12,687	There's a story told by Brian Johnston in his autobiography about one of his classmates at school, William Douglas-Home (brother of Alec) who subsequently became a famous playwright. In one of his exams the instruction was 'Write as briefly as you can on the future of coal'. William wrote one word - smoke! I think he was awarded seven out of ten as the master conceded that the answer was both brief and accurate!

02-06-2007, 12:42	#12
Faxy Fowler Forum Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Gender: Male Location: Liverpool Services: Sky HD+, Sky broadband Posts: 14,244	I recall my Christian Ethics 'AS' level a few years back. When we came out, and the old "what questions did you do" was bandied around, my mate talked about how he answered the question on corporal punishment, which I had done, and I started about bringing back the cane in school, at which point, his face dropped....he had written about 4 sides on the rights and wrongs...of the death penalty!!! If you ain't worked it out, he got his corporal and capital punishment mixed up!!!!!

02-06-2007, 13:50	#14
LostFool Forum Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: Cambridge Services: Virgin tv+phone+internet Posts: 9,876	I once got into trouble for answering a question in a biology exam: Q: Suggest one cause of indegestion My A: Eating school dinners

02-06-2007, 14:46	#17
pad Forum Member Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Here .. duh! Services: Pipex 1Mb,Wi-Fi Speedtouch 570 Router,win Xp,2003,Linux, Freeview, Kettle Posts: 5,214	There's a book I got a few years ago called "H2O and All That" by Martyn Berry, and it's daft answers from GCSE/O Level Chemistry papers.. Things like "the formula for H2O is 0.8" "Sodium is so dangerous it cannot be handled by human beings, only by chemistry teachers" "Water must contain Hydrogen otherwise the oxygen would float away" I don't know if it's still in print but it's an excellent book p.

02-06-2007, 14:54	#18
diva queen Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: A Dirk Dreamer♥♥ Posts: 5,606	I gave some silly answers in my GCSE Geography Exam

02-06-2007, 15:02	#19
andrewisasecret Forum Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Services: Sky+, Macbook Pro, Vista Laptop, iPod Touch Posts: 1,478	I have 2 stories. In some science exam i took there was a question describing a liquid as "white and milky" and i had to put down what it was and i didn't know the answer so i put down "milk". For the second story, this is from the GCSE ICT exam from 1 and a half weeks ago. Its not a funny answer but a funny question. The question was talking about the barcode scanners you get in shops and it said "If the barcode scanner does not make a bleep when an item is scanned, why might this be?" and then we had to tick a box and 1 of the options was "Because the person operating it doesn't like bleepy noises and has turned the bleep off."