[mystique72]

I just need to get this off my chest as my poor sons best friends mum is such a cruel b*t*h. My son has known this boy since nursery and they are great friends. Over the half term it was his friends birthday and at school yesterday it came out 4 of their others friends were taken out by the boy and his family for his birthday. My son was not asked and was really upset and it hurt me to see him so upset. His mum is pretty standoffish but i have always tried to make an effort with her for the sake of my son. She's one of these people who'll chat or say hello if she wants to but will ignore you just as easy and is not very well liked. When my son asked his friend why he hadn't been asked he said he wanted him to go but his mum said no. I've never had any rows with this woman and get on well with all the other mums. I know this might sound petty but as they are best friends i think its a cruel thing to do.I'm not going to approach her or say anything but feel awkward now about asking his friend to play.

[fluffybunyip]

Hi Mystique,

I can sympathise, my son was recently not invited to his best friend's birthday but for different reasons. It's very hard to see our children upset!

First off, are you definitely sure it's come from the boy's mum, or might he be using it as an excuse? I don't know, but I know that boys do things like that sometimes.

If you're convinved it has come from her, you could ask her why? Just a sort of conversationally "why?" maybe?

[maimou]

You shouldn't feel awkward, just be the bigger person and do what's best for your son. She hasn't done that and looks mean and petty, you certainly shouldn't follow her example!

[johnny_t]

Not trying to make excuses, but it would be odd for her to refuse to invite her son's best friend, and take 4 others, for no reason whatsoever.

Are the 4 who went maybe 'better' friends with this boy ? Children who are friends at pre-school, can soon drift apart once they get to proper school.

Its a head-scratcher, alright...

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by fluffybunyip

Hi Mystique,

I can sympathise, my son was recently not invited to his best friend's birthday but for different reasons. It's very hard to see our children upset!

First off, are you definitely sure it's come from the boy's mum, or might he be using it as an excuse? I don't know, but I know that boys do things like that sometimes.

If you're convinved it has come from her, you could ask her why? Just a sort of conversationally "why?" maybe?

Hi, sorry your son has had the same experience. Its not nice.

I'd say it has come from the the mum but think she could be a bit of a fish wife if i approached her in the playground. I dont know, maybe i could bring up the birthday so that she knows i know and maybe she will feel awkward and give me an explanation.

[Squealer_Mahony]

Do you know if she gets on well witht the other boys mums at all or knows them better?
Or maybe they all live close by?

Maybe she didn't want the responsibilty of taking a child she didn't know that well (her own fault for not making the effort obviously) and maybe there wasn't enough room in the car or she could only afford 4 and knew these boys parents better and felt better taking responsibilty for them?

My mother can be a bit odd she usally only allows my sister 2 or 3 friends on an outing she doesn't want the responsibility coz one time she ended up with ten of them!!

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by johnny_t

Not trying to make excuses, but it would be odd for her to refuse to invite her son's best friend, and take 4 others, for no reason whatsoever.

Are the 4 who went maybe 'better' friends with this boy ? Children who are friends at pre-school, can soon drift apart once they get to proper school.

Its a head-scratcher, alright...

They are still best friends, he was round to play not too long ago and named in order who were his best friends were, my son being at the top . They always play together with these other boys who my son also gets on well with so its even worse for him now when they are all talking about what a great time they had and he's the odd one out. He's never been excluded from anything like this before and stayed over at one of ther boys houses during half term.

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by maimou

You shouldn't feel awkward, just be the bigger person and do what's best for your son. She hasn't done that and looks mean and petty, you certainly shouldn't follow her example!

Thanks, thats what my mum said.

[Squealer_Mahony]

Originally Posted by mystique72

They are still best friends, he was round to play not too long ago and named in order who were his best friends were, my son being at the top . They always play together with these other boys who my son also gets on well with so its even worse for him now when they are all talking about what a great time they had and he's the odd one out. He's never been excluded from anything like this before and stayed over at one of ther boys houses during half term.

Kids can be fickle without meaning to though, this chap could be round at his other friends house telling them they are his best friend.

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by Squealer_Mahony

Do you know if she gets on well witht the other boys mums at all or knows them better?
Or maybe they all live close by?

Maybe she didn't want the responsibilty of taking a child she didn't know that well (her own fault for not making the effort obviously) and maybe there wasn't enough room in the car or she could only afford 4 and knew these boys parents better and felt better taking responsibilty for them?

My mother can be a bit odd she usally only allows my sister 2 or 3 friends on an outing she doesn't want the responsibility coz one time she ended up with ten of them!!

She knows 2 of the other mums better and actually started to slag off one of the other mums to me about a month ago. I think this has confirmed to me what i've always thought about her anyway.

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by Squealer_Mahony

Kids can be fickle without meaning to though, this chap could be round at his other friends house telling them they are his best friend.

True.

Anyway, i hope this experience just makes him stronger.

[timboy]

So you are calling her a bitch without even knowing the reason?

That isn't rational.

Have you thought that they were on a budget and couldn't afford to take your son as well? No space left in the car etc etc.

The boy was IN YOUR HOUSE and named your son as his best friend. Do you not think perhaps if he was round another friends house he would do the same thing?

[Squealer_Mahony]

Originally Posted by mystique72

She knows 2 of the other mums better and actually started to slag off one of the other mums to me about a month ago. I think this has confirmed to me what i've always thought about her anyway.

She sounds a bit immature doesn't she?

Well sadly the 6 year old politics really suck but I'm sure your boy will get through it fine

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by timboy

So you are calling her a bitch without even knowing the reason?

That isn't rational.

Have you thought that they were on a budget and couldn't afford to take your son as well? No space left in the car etc etc.

The boy was IN YOUR HOUSE and named your son as his best friend. Do you not think perhaps if he was round another friends house he would do the same thing?

They are certainly not on a tight budget and i have good reason to call her a bitch, knowing what i know about her and things she has done to others in the past.

[Squealer_Mahony]

Originally Posted by mystique72

They are certainly not on a tight budget and i have good reason to call her a bitch, knowing what i know about her and things she has done to others in the past.

Maybe she thinks you know too much and wants you out of the circle

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by Squealer_Mahony

Maybe she thinks you know too much and wants you out of the circle

Well, she wouldn't get too far Like i said before, she's rubbed a few people up the wrong way.

[drut]

I think you know what to do deep down.

Don't risk getting into a slanging match in public.
Have a chat with your son and explain how things sometimes turn out,being careful to avoid saying anything that you would not want him to repeat to the other boy.

The mother doesn't sound like the sort that you would particularly to get too involved with,so let it go.

If you are the better person then show it by your actions (or non actions in this case)

It could be an opportunity for you to show your son what life is like and how we should deal with it sensibly.

Edit....I sound like Claire bloody Rayner

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by drut

I think you know what to do deep down.

Don't risk getting into a slanging match in public.
Have a chat with your son and explain how things sometimes turn out,being careful to avoid saying anything that you would not want him to repeat to the other boy.

The mother doesn't sound like the sort that you would particularly to get too involved with,so let it go.

If you are the better person then show it by your actions (or non actions in this case)

It could be an opportunity for you to show your son what life is like and how we should deal with it sensibly.

Yeah, your right. Its a learning curb for him and hopefully he will be stronger in the long run. Lat night i when he was really upset i said to him not to take it to heart and that maybe his mum thought we were away for half term as i dont want him to turn against this boy as they get on really well.

[johnny_t]

Originally Posted by mystique72

Yeah, your right. Its a learning curb for him and hopefully he will be stronger in the long run. Lat night i when he was really upset i said to him not to take it to heart and that maybe his mum thought we were away for half term as i dont want him to turn against this boy as they get on really well.

To be honest, maybe his Mum did think you were away for half term. There must be some reason, especially as you get on (or at least don't not get on) as Mums as well. She would not have done this for no reason whatsoever.

(Or you son could be a little bugger whenever he goes round there house)

[mystique72]

Originally Posted by johnny_t

To be honest, maybe his Mum did think you were away for half term. There must be some reason, especially as you get on (or at least don't not get on) as Mums as well. She would not have done this for no reason whatsoever.

(Or you son could be a little bugger whenever he goes round there house)

I neither do or dont get on with her particularily well as like i said before she will talk if she wants or will ignore people if she wants but i have never had any rows with her. As for my son being a little bugger, he is just like any other boy his age but she and other mothers have always said he is a pleasure to have round and has good manners etc. I think its because she has something against me, which i couldn't care less about, but to not invite me son because of that says more about her as a person that me. As for thinking we may have been away, she should have asked, if that was her reason.

[Squealer_Mahony]

The whole being friends with other parents can be tricky, I'm reminded a bit of one of my sister's friend's parents.

They were oh so lovely to my parents, even came up for a dinner party, we helped hand out flyers for her new business etc. Then one day my Mam (let's call her Mary) went up to their house to drop off something their kid had left behind. The father opened the door and was all lovely and smarmy as usual, "Are you coming in for a drink etc". Mam asked was the mother in and to which he replied "No she's gone up to thin-Mary's" prompting my mother to ask "Well what what does that make me".
He squirmed like a weasel.

[ludovica]

I'm not sure I see the problem. If I was taking out some people on a treat at my expense, I'd want it to be people I knew I got along with too. Surely she can spend her money as she chooses and on whom she chooses? This sort of thing happens even more among girls and tbh you get used to being flavour of the month one week and persona non grata the next

[drut]

Originally Posted by mystique72

Yeah, your right. Its a learning curb for him and hopefully he will be stronger in the long run. Lat night i when he was really upset i said to him not to take it to heart and that maybe his mum thought we were away for half term as i dont want him to turn against this boy as they get on really well.

It sounds like you have cracked it.

If your son knows that his mum always does the best thing he will take that into his subconscious and grow up to do the right thing himself.

Whatever you say or do he still won't be going out with his mate, but a least you are going to make some good out of it by explaining things to him.

[occasional post]

Originally Posted by Squealer_Mahony

The whole being friends with other parents can be tricky, I'm reminded a bit of one of my sister's friend's parents.

They were oh so lovely to my parents, even came up for a dinner party, we helped hand out flyers for her new business etc. Then one day my Mam (let's call her Mary) went up to their house to drop off something their kid had left behind. The father opened the door and was all lovely and smarmy as usual, "Are you coming in for a drink etc". Mam asked was the mother in and to which he replied "No she's gone up to thin-Mary's" prompting my mother to ask "Well what what does that make me".
He squirmed like a weasel.

No offence to your Mum - but that's actually quite funny They may not have meant any harm to her

[kizzie]

Originally Posted by ludovica

I'm not sure I see the problem. If I was taking out some people on a treat at my expense, I'd want it to be people I knew I got along with too. Surely she can spend her money as she chooses and on whom she chooses? This sort of thing happens even more among girls and tbh you get used to being flavour of the month one week and persona non grata the next

Yes that's how I see it.

Are you sure the other boy wanted to invite your son?
how comes he has not told your son why he was not invited?