How do I politely tell a friend about her moustache? - Advice

cauldfield13 · 09-11-2009, 18:45

My female friend has a bit of hair on her upper lip.

I personally don't think it's a problem but a few male friends have mentioned it to me in quite a nasty way, and a few female friends have began to make jokes about it, and I think that if people have noticed then she should do something about it before someone says it directly to her nastily and offends her.

I'm not being cruel, I love her to bits, she's a great friend but if people are beginning to mention it then as a friend I think I should say something to help.

I hope you all can understand my predicament!

Is there a 'polite' way to tell her about it without hurting her feelings? That's the last thing I want to do!

Thanks for your help in advance gang

x

ValLambert · 09-11-2009, 18:46

Give her wax strips, forget bleaching. A blonde moustache is no more acceptable than a darker one.

I'm not sure there is a polite way of saying it to be honest. It's like telling someone they smell. it has to be done and it's better to come from a friend than have people laugh or talk behind their backs. But it is her right to be hairy regardless what a couple of stupid guys think.

Perhaps organise a girlie night where you and a few others all wax too and do nails etc so she doesn't feel isolated?

doughnut8 · 09-11-2009, 18:59

Just pretend to trip over when your standing next to her holding a roll of sellotape. Aim for her top lip, make your apologies, stand up and then.....riiiiiiipppppppppp.

Problem solved was tachless friend and no awkward conversation.

I did try this technique on one past girlfriend who had a over grown bush but with gaffa tape. The tape was a bit stronger than I expected and took some loose skin off as well.

So stick to sellotape as other wise it might turn into a face lift.

whip · 09-11-2009, 19:09

So instead of telling these people to eff off and get a life you'll bow to peer pressure and make a problem out of something that probably isn't.

*Confidential* · 09-11-2009, 19:25

Mabye your friend is more than aware of it herself, and doesn't see it as a problem? That could be the case, and she might be quite happy as she is.

I'd tread carefully. If you are going to make any mention of it all at, I'd suggest you make comment about something along the lines of, "I waxed my top lip last night and it feels a bit numb, it's weird - do you ever do that, I'm wondering if it should feel like that". Something that relates the subect to you, as though you are asking her for advice, that type of thing. Her reply might give you an inidcation if she is bothered about it or not.

Cigarist · 09-11-2009, 19:27

just tell her

if you want to do a sex change, i know a good surgeon

cosmo · 09-11-2009, 19:42

Walk into her room, scream with shock and shout "OH MY GOD - I thought your were Saddam Hussein for a moment there."

India_Rain · 09-11-2009, 19:48

I'd do it as a girl night in pampering session.
Make it a part of that and it shouldn't seem too big a deal for her.

Tass · 09-11-2009, 19:53

I think I might wait for her to tell me that she has a problem about it, or that someone has said something to her and then offer support and constructive suggestions. Sometimes there is no nice way to go about something so maybe it's better not to and keep your friendship.
Sometimes people do shoot the messenger and it can be more embarassing to hear something from someone you know and care about than from a relative stranger mightn't see again

jude1979 · 09-11-2009, 20:02

You could always say that YOU suffer with excess hair and then say "have you ever suffered from it?", then if she says Yes, you'll know she's probably aware of it.

Even if she says No, she'll prob go away and check for herself and if its as obvious as you say, she'll see for herself.

Radiomaniac · 09-11-2009, 20:05

She must know about it, maybe it doesn't bother her at all.

LiLmonkey · 09-11-2009, 20:09

Quote:

Originally Posted by India_Rain

I'd do it as a girl night in pampering session.
Make it a part of that and it shouldn't seem too big a deal for her.

Thats what I would suggest. do yours at the same time, she might not have a clue about the tash side of it all!!!

thejel · 09-11-2009, 20:10

one of my colleagues at work has MAJOR ear hair. It was (and still often is) a talking point for many in the office until a boozy night out and someone broke the ice. Fair play to the bloke (incidently in his early 30s) even tho he knows many in the office 'take the mick' he has not shaved/waxed/trimmed it as he doesnt see it as a problem

chattamanuk · 09-11-2009, 20:11

Refer to her as Magnum PI from now on

lovelife · 09-11-2009, 20:13

Quote:

Originally Posted by whip

So instead of telling these people to eff off and get a life you'll bow to peer pressure and make a problem out of something that probably isn't.

This.....

robinsbatman · 09-11-2009, 20:22

OP, I would take your lead from your friend. Unless she has a sight problem, she must know it's there. It might not bother her, or even if it does she may think she'd sooner keep it than risk her lip looking like she's just removed hair from it, obviously red from a treatment. If she's never mentioned it to you or anyone else, then I'd leave well alone. Those people commenting on it aren't perfect specimens themselves (no-one is), & I suspect it wouldn't be too difficult for you or your friend to find things about them that they wouldn't like mocked.

If your friend has shown some concern about it, then don't make a big deal of it. The suggestion of a girls pampering session is a good one. If you combine it with doing makeovers on each other, the lip hair removal won't stand out as something different as her overall look will have changed, just as it will have for other people.

Missbegotten · 09-11-2009, 20:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by cauldfield13

My female friend has a bit of hair on her upper lip.

I personally don't think it's a problem but a few male friends have mentioned it to me in quite a nasty way, and a few female friends have began to make jokes about it, and I think that if people have noticed then she should do something about it before someone says it directly to her nastily and offends her.

I'm not being cruel, I love her to bits, she's a great friend but if people are beginning to mention it then as a friend I think I should say something to help.

I hope you all can understand my predicament!

Is there a 'polite' way to tell her about it without hurting her feelings? That's the last thing I want to do!

Thanks for your help in advance gang

x

Unless she is blind she will already know all about it and has probably decided to just let it grow.

Maybe you should stop worrying about it yourself and tell your friends to grow up and stop being so childish? It's not your place to tell other people how they should present themselves and it says nothing very nice about you or your friends if they find it so amusing.

83ray1 · 09-11-2009, 20:47

Get her a mach 3 for christmas

CheeseyDude1337 · 09-11-2009, 21:20

When she heads out to the car parks, go to a 3rd story window, pull on a mask (preferably something everyone hates; Like rick astley) , scream 'get a trim Jim' into a megaphone, do a high pitched evil laugh 'he he heeee' and run off.

2shy2007 · 09-11-2009, 21:54

Perhaps she doesn let vanity rule her life? The ones you want to be telling are the so called friends taking the mick, perfect are they? leave the girl be , she knows it's there , she can see in the mirror, but it obviously does not bother her, good for her I say, not bowing down to the pressure of trying to look perfect, there is more to life.

ForestChav · 09-11-2009, 22:00

Quote:

Originally Posted by CheeseyDude1337

When she heads out to the car parks, go to a 3rd story window, pull on a mask (preferably something everyone hates; Like rick astley) , scream 'get a trim Jim' into a megaphone, do a high pitched evil laugh 'he he heeee' and run off.

I think the OP was being serious!

(I doubt the bold bit is hard for you though

)

xxTinkerbellexx · 09-11-2009, 22:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by doughnut8

Just pretend to trip over when your standing next to her holding a roll of sellotape. Aim for her top lip, make your apologies, stand up and then.....riiiiiiipppppppppp.

Problem solved was tachless friend and no awkward conversation.

I did try this technique on one past girlfriend who had a over grown bush but with gaffa tape. The tape was a bit stronger than I expected and took some loose skin off as well.

So stick to sellotape as other wise it might turn into a face lift.

Ahhhh...I have had a pretty crappy day, and this is the first thing that has made me LAUGH OUT LOUD today.
Thank you

cosmo · 09-11-2009, 22:03

Does it look like this?

cauldfield13 · 10-11-2009, 21:34

She HAS mentioned it to me in the past, but I've never had an answer ready. She has mentioned it twice and both times we've been surrounded by others and she's just thrown it in as an aside. If I'd mentioned it then, a big deal would have been made. I think you people telling me to leave her alone is stupid, I know her well and I know that she'd be upset if people were saying things about her and if other people had noticed her moustache.

I like the ideas about doing it as part of a girly night though, that's awesome, I might try that

Thanks, guys.

cruella de vile · 10-11-2009, 21:42

Quote:

Originally Posted by cauldfield13

She HAS mentioned it to me in the past, but I've never had an answer ready. She has mentioned it twice and both times we've been surrounded by others and she's just thrown it in as an aside. If I'd mentioned it then, a big deal would have been made. I think you people telling me to leave her alone is stupid, I know her well and I know that she'd be upset if people were saying things about her and if other people had noticed her moustache.

I like the ideas about doing it as part of a girly night though, that's awesome, I might try that

Thanks, guys.

It's not stupid. Why would you intentionally hurt a friend because people have noticed something about her?

09-11-2009, 18:45	#1
cauldfield13 Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 8	How do I politely tell a friend about her moustache? My female friend has a bit of hair on her upper lip. I personally don't think it's a problem but a few male friends have mentioned it to me in quite a nasty way, and a few female friends have began to make jokes about it, and I think that if people have noticed then she should do something about it before someone says it directly to her nastily and offends her. I'm not being cruel, I love her to bits, she's a great friend but if people are beginning to mention it then as a friend I think I should say something to help. I hope you all can understand my predicament! Is there a 'polite' way to tell her about it without hurting her feelings? That's the last thing I want to do! Thanks for your help in advance gang x

09-11-2009, 18:46	#2
ValLambert Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Posts: 8,413	Give her wax strips, forget bleaching. A blonde moustache is no more acceptable than a darker one. I'm not sure there is a polite way of saying it to be honest. It's like telling someone they smell. it has to be done and it's better to come from a friend than have people laugh or talk behind their backs. But it is her right to be hairy regardless what a couple of stupid guys think. Perhaps organise a girlie night where you and a few others all wax too and do nails etc so she doesn't feel isolated?

09-11-2009, 18:59	#3
doughnut8 Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 2,007	Just pretend to trip over when your standing next to her holding a roll of sellotape. Aim for her top lip, make your apologies, stand up and then.....riiiiiiipppppppppp. Problem solved was tachless friend and no awkward conversation. I did try this technique on one past girlfriend who had a over grown bush but with gaffa tape. The tape was a bit stronger than I expected and took some loose skin off as well. So stick to sellotape as other wise it might turn into a face lift.

09-11-2009, 19:09	#4
whip Forum Member Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Glasgow Posts: 7,565	So instead of telling these people to eff off and get a life you'll bow to peer pressure and make a problem out of something that probably isn't.

09-11-2009, 19:25	#5
Confidential Inactive Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 3,099	Mabye your friend is more than aware of it herself, and doesn't see it as a problem? That could be the case, and she might be quite happy as she is. I'd tread carefully. If you are going to make any mention of it all at, I'd suggest you make comment about something along the lines of, "I waxed my top lip last night and it feels a bit numb, it's weird - do you ever do that, I'm wondering if it should feel like that". Something that relates the subect to you, as though you are asking her for advice, that type of thing. Her reply might give you an inidcation if she is bothered about it or not.

09-11-2009, 19:27	#6
Cigarist Inactive Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 302	just tell her if you want to do a sex change, i know a good surgeon

09-11-2009, 19:42	#7
cosmo Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: North London Posts: 12,950	Walk into her room, scream with shock and shout "OH MY GOD - I thought your were Saddam Hussein for a moment there."

09-11-2009, 19:48	#8
India_Rain Forum Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: UK Posts: 60	I'd do it as a girl night in pampering session. Make it a part of that and it shouldn't seem too big a deal for her.

09-11-2009, 19:53	#9
Tass Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2005 Posts: 2,040	I think I might wait for her to tell me that she has a problem about it, or that someone has said something to her and then offer support and constructive suggestions. Sometimes there is no nice way to go about something so maybe it's better not to and keep your friendship. Sometimes people do shoot the messenger and it can be more embarassing to hear something from someone you know and care about than from a relative stranger mightn't see again

09-11-2009, 20:02	#10
jude1979 Forum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 1,478	You could always say that YOU suffer with excess hair and then say "have you ever suffered from it?", then if she says Yes, you'll know she's probably aware of it. Even if she says No, she'll prob go away and check for herself and if its as obvious as you say, she'll see for herself.

09-11-2009, 20:05	#11
Radiomaniac Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: In Old Amsterdam Services: Cheese, Clogs, Tulips, Barrel Organ Posts: 17,738 Blog Entries: 2	She must know about it, maybe it doesn't bother her at all.

09-11-2009, 20:10	#13
thejel Forum Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 326	one of my colleagues at work has MAJOR ear hair. It was (and still often is) a talking point for many in the office until a boozy night out and someone broke the ice. Fair play to the bloke (incidently in his early 30s) even tho he knows many in the office 'take the mick' he has not shaved/waxed/trimmed it as he doesnt see it as a problem

09-11-2009, 20:11	#14
chattamanuk Forum Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: West Services: Sky+ Posts: 464	Refer to her as Magnum PI from now on

09-11-2009, 20:22	#16
robinsbatman Forum Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Reserved in Heaven Posts: 9,671 Blog Entries: 7	OP, I would take your lead from your friend. Unless she has a sight problem, she must know it's there. It might not bother her, or even if it does she may think she'd sooner keep it than risk her lip looking like she's just removed hair from it, obviously red from a treatment. If she's never mentioned it to you or anyone else, then I'd leave well alone. Those people commenting on it aren't perfect specimens themselves (no-one is), & I suspect it wouldn't be too difficult for you or your friend to find things about them that they wouldn't like mocked. If your friend has shown some concern about it, then don't make a big deal of it. The suggestion of a girls pampering session is a good one. If you combine it with doing makeovers on each other, the lip hair removal won't stand out as something different as her overall look will have changed, just as it will have for other people.

09-11-2009, 20:47	#18
83ray1 Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,328	Get her a mach 3 for christmas

09-11-2009, 21:20	#19
CheeseyDude1337 Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Stick Land Posts: 227 Blog Entries: 2	When she heads out to the car parks, go to a 3rd story window, pull on a mask (preferably something everyone hates; Like rick astley) , scream 'get a trim Jim' into a megaphone, do a high pitched evil laugh 'he he heeee' and run off.

09-11-2009, 21:54	#20
2shy2007 Forum Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Posts: 3,667	Perhaps she doesn let vanity rule her life? The ones you want to be telling are the so called friends taking the mick, perfect are they? leave the girl be , she knows it's there , she can see in the mirror, but it obviously does not bother her, good for her I say, not bowing down to the pressure of trying to look perfect, there is more to life.

09-11-2009, 22:03	#23
cosmo Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: North London Posts: 12,950	Does it look like this?

10-11-2009, 21:34	#24
cauldfield13 Forum Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 8	She HAS mentioned it to me in the past, but I've never had an answer ready. She has mentioned it twice and both times we've been surrounded by others and she's just thrown it in as an aside. If I'd mentioned it then, a big deal would have been made. I think you people telling me to leave her alone is stupid, I know her well and I know that she'd be upset if people were saying things about her and if other people had noticed her moustache. I like the ideas about doing it as part of a girly night though, that's awesome, I might try that Thanks, guys.