[Meljduk]

When my Uncle ( my Mum's brother ) died, my sister and her partner decided to take his daughter ( adult daughter and an only child ) out for a meal, suggesting she donate some money from her inheritance to my Mother. My Uncle had mentioned casually that he would remember my Mother in his Will, but he died without a Will and naturally his estate ( not a lot of money ) went to his only daughter. My sister and her partner decided to take his daughter ( our cousin ) to the pub and ask her to give my Mother some money from the Will, which she did. About 5k or so. I think my cousin was ambushed and that it's pretty shocking to ask someone for money in this way, when there was no Will. But my sister thinks it was fine to ask because Mum used to help him out ( he would pop over for a meal occasionally, but not on a very regular basis ) - my view is that you don't offer friendship and company to your elderly brother in the hope that you get some money from his Will. What do you think ?

[Babe Rainbow]

Originally Posted by Meljduk

When my Uncle ( my Mum's brother ) died, my sister and her partner decided to take his daughter ( adult daughter and an only child ) out for a meal, suggesting she donate some money from her inheritance to my Mother. My Uncle had mentioned casually that he would remember my Mother in his Will, but he died without a Will and naturally his estate ( not a lot of money ) went to his only daughter. My sister and her partner decided to take his daughter ( our cousin ) to the pub and ask her to give my Mother some money from the Will, which she did. About 5k or so. I think my cousin was ambushed and that it's pretty shocking to ask someone for money in this way, when there was no Will. But my sister thinks it was fine to ask because Mum used to help him out ( he would pop over for a meal occasionally, but not on a very regular basis ) - my view is that you don't offer friendship and company to your elderly brother in the hope that you get some money from his Will. What do you think ?

Well I do agree with you but it's done now isn't it and your cousin has given her some money. Too late to do anything about it now.

[_radioamerica]

I think it is a bit sick and wrong to be fair.

[fainéant]

I agree with you too, but if your cousin is happy and does not feel exploited and your Mother accepted the gift gracefully then frankly but respectfully, it is none of your business.

[The Swampster]

I agree with you. I'd have thought that if your uncle had really wanted to leave money to your mother, he would have arranged to. Most people put their own children before their siblings, and I'd think it likely that's what your uncle wanted to do, whatever he may have said in passing about remembering people in his will.
Is your mum very hard up and your cousin quite well off? It seems pretty cheeky for them to ask, from what you say, unless the feeling is that your mum needed it desperately and your cousin could easily afford it.

[Meljduk]

Originally Posted by Babe Rainbow

Well I do agree with you but it's done now isn't it and your cousin has given her some money. Too late to do anything about it now.

I know, but it was mentioned in conversation recently and caused a bit of a falling out. My youngest sister
( the one who asked for the money ) doesn't even like this cousin and in conversation said something about my Mum's porch and how she couldn't have afforded it without the money she got from her brother. I was angry because of her cavalier attitude and the fact that she doesn't even like the cousin. Her partner is 23 years older than her and she's been with him since she was 20 ( she is now in her thirties ) and I know he stage managed the whole thing and arranged the pub meeting to ask for the money etc. ( he doesn't like my cousin either- she stayed with me for a week recently and said he was really sarcastic and unpleasant with her )

[Bom Diddly Wo]

They sound like lovely people. If I were in your position I would make a point of offering them money for every act of normal human exchange. If she made me a cup of tea I would pay her a quid etc...If money is so important to her. I would bring it up all the time at every available oportunity as well. Incredibly petty and I'm surprised that people think like that.

[Miriams Sister]

that isn't fair to your cousin, that was her inheritance.

[Charlie Coo]

Crikey - I would've told them to f off - your cousin is obviously a much nicer person or a pushover

[Meljduk]

Originally Posted by Bom Diddly Wo

I would bring it up all the time at every available oportunity as well. Incredibly petty and I'm surprised that people think like that.

I can't help myself sometimes. The money from the Will thing actually happened a few years ago. But my cousin came over to the UK for a month recently ( she lives overseas ) to see her relatives and my sister was generally slagging her off on the phone and then mentioned the fact that Mum wouldn't have the new porch on her house if she hadn't asked my cousin for the money ! It made my blood boil to be honest and I couldn't say nothing. I don't think it's very normal behaviour. I would never ask for money from a Will and I can't believe anyone would.
My cousin is very mild mannered and laid back and probably knew that she would cause WW3 if she didn't write out a cheque......

[soulboy77]

Meljduk I don't see a problem with it as they were not asking for money for themselves or for someone undeserving. I think it was a nice touch for them to take your cousin out for a meal to broach the subject rather than just turn up on her doorstep to make the request.

[Inkblot]

I wonder why he didn't leave a will. He should have made provision for what would have happened if his daughter had died before him. It's not a nice thought but he should still have thought about it.

[GetMeOuttaHere]

Some people are like vultures when a rellie dies.

Not saying your rellies are OP but I would have thought it was tough on my part if I was left out of a will. Your sister shouldn't have asked, shame on her really even if her intentions were honourable. Sometimes its better to wait.

Without being too personal what did your mum need the money for? Was she in desperate need?

Personally I wouldn't want to stand the chance of ruining relationships because of who or who didn't get what after someone has died. If the person meant that much to me I'd rather have them back, even if only for 10 minutes rather than some dosh.

[Meljduk]

Originally Posted by GetMeOuttaHere

Some people are like vultures when a rellie dies.

Not saying your rellies are OP but I would have thought it was tough on my part if I was left out of a will. Your sister shouldn't have asked, shame on her really even if her intentions were honourable. Sometimes its better to wait.

Without being too personal what did your mum need the money for? Was she in desperate need?

Personally I wouldn't want to stand the chance of ruining relationships because of who or who didn't get what after someone has died. If the person meant that much to me I'd rather have them back, even if only for 10 minutes rather than some dosh.

No, my Mother wasn't in desperate need. She spent the money on a new porch for the front of her house. My cousin has more money, but I don't think that entitled my Mother to a share of anything. If someone dies without a Will, it goes to their closest relative, which was obviously his daughter. To ask for something from a Will is vulgar and grasping.

[Gilbertoo]

The death of a close friend or family member can sometimes do crazy things to a person, especially when money is left behind. Sometimes, a person will act out of character and the perception of them will largely be centred around them being seen as insensitive and/or greedy.

Now, when a person dies intestate, arguments will naturally arise about who gets part of the estate and further more, who should pay out any unsecured debt left behind (if applicable).

Now, of all the ways a person can broach the subject of money being split, the way described by the OP seems to be one of the more mature, sensitive and reasonable ways of doing it, especially if the Uncle seemed keen to offer something to his sister.

[Meljduk]

Originally Posted by Gilbertoo

The death of a close friend or family member can sometimes do crazy things to a person, especially when money is left behind. Sometimes, a person will act out of character and the perception of them will largely be centred around them being seen as insensitive and/or greedy.

Now, when a person dies intestate, arguments will naturally arise about who gets part of the estate and further more, who should pay out any unsecured debt left behind (if applicable).

Now, of all the ways a person can broach the subject of money being split, the way described by the OP seems to be one of the more mature, sensitive and reasonable ways of doing it, especially if the Uncle seemed keen to offer something to his sister.

My take on it is different. My view is that if someone wants you to receive money in their Will, they write a Will and include you in it. If they don't leave a Will, it automatically transfers to the next of kin, which was his only daughter. End of. You certainly don't ask for something.

[Gilbertoo]

Originally Posted by Meljduk

My take on it is different. My view is that if someone wants you to receive money in their Will, they write a Will and include you in it. If they don't leave a Will, it automatically transfers to the next of kin, which was his only daughter. End of. You certainly don't ask for something.

...but with all the best intentions in the world, for whatever reason, a person won't update their will or in many cases, won't even have a will.

If you knew the person who died well, you'd know whether or not they'd want a particular person to share their estate.

It's not as clear cut as "if someone wants you to receive money in their Will, they write a Will and include you in it".

[GetMeOuttaHere]

There are some benefits to being poor.

[Meljduk]

Originally Posted by Gilbertoo

...but with all the best intentions in the world, for whatever reason, a person won't update their will or in many cases, won't even have a will.

If you knew the person who died well, you'd know whether or not they'd want a particular person to share their estate.

It's not as clear cut as "if someone wants you to receive money in their Will, they write a Will and include you in it".

I think it was clear cut. He had a small amount of money and one daughter to whom he was extremely close. Despite the fact that she lived overseas, she'd visit for a whole month each year, at least. If I was to die without a Will, I would expect both my daughters to inherit. This is common sense. That's exactly what the courts would say too. It's good job my cousin is so laid back because my Mother would have had NO grounds to lay a claim on his money whatsoever,

[Gilbertoo]

Originally Posted by GetMeOuttaHere

There are some benefits to being poor.

"If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor"

[ValLambert]

Originally Posted by Charlie Coo

Crikey - I would've told them to f off - your cousin is obviously a much nicer person or a pushover

Me too but then maybe she thought she was doing the right thing and it would keep the family together. If it's done I'd let it rest but I wouldn't have handed over a penny.

[Gilbertoo]

Originally Posted by Meljduk

I think it was clear cut. He had a small amount of money and one daughter to whom he was extremely close. Despite the fact that she lived overseas, she'd visit for a whole month each year, at least. If I was to die without a Will, I would expect both my daughters to inherit. This is common sense. That's exactly what the courts would say too. It's good job my cousin is so laid back because my Mother would have had NO grounds to lay a claim on his money whatsoever,

...well;

My Uncle had mentioned casually that he would remember my Mother in his Will

...so not entirely clear-cut.

Did he die suddenly or was he terminally ill?

[Gilbertoo]

Originally Posted by ValLambert

Me too but then maybe she thought she was doing the right thing and it would keep the family together. If it's done I'd let it rest but I wouldn't have handed over a penny.

...and so you should be embarrassed!

[Meljduk]

Originally Posted by Gilbertoo

...well;



...so not entirely clear-cut.

Did he die suddenly or was he terminally ill?

He had several strokes before a big one finally ended his life.
The strokes did affect him mentally too- he wasn't quite with it, unsurprisingly.

[ValLambert]

Originally Posted by Gilbertoo

...and so you should be embarrassed!

You know my aunt promised my cousin that she would loan her ten grand as a deposit on a house. Sadly she died before she gave her it. On the day of the funeral while we were waiting on the cars she marched up to my uncle and said (infront of everyone) " I trust you'll be honouring mum's offer, if not I'm getting a lawyer." An hour before they buried the woman!. As far as I know they were a happy family (she still lived at home) but there's nothing like the whiff of money to bring out the worst in people.