[robinsbatman]

I run a Euromillions syndicate at work & every member pays 4 or 5-weekly (according to when our payday falls). Our last ticket was up to & including the last Friday in October. Euromillions tickets went up in price from Saturday 7 November (something we didn't know was going to be happening when we bought the October ticket earlier in the month) so we all agreed that we'd just get one more ticket for Friday 6 November at the old price, then go back to buying 4 or 5 weeks at once at the new price from the following week. One of the members gave me money in the last week of October for the whole 4 or 5 weeks in advance as she'd be going on leave, but then e-mailed all the syndicate members on 3 November to say she'd paid up to 2 November & would have to drop out after that. She & I usually chat on the phone outside work, plus right up to the week before she was happy to keep going with the syndicate even though the price was going up, so I was very surprised by the abruptness of her e-mail but of course it's up to her. I e-mailed & texted her to see if everything was OK (also rang her at home), but everything went to voicemail & I didn't get a call back, so on the Thursday morning (5 November) I bought the ticket for the Friday as agreed & included her line in it.

That Thursday night I got a series of texts from her basically querying me having someone on my Facebook list that she doesn't get on with & hinting that she doesn't know whether she can trust me now. She's in her thirties for goodness sake, so I put her straight on that score - is FB the new definer of relationships & trustworthiness now? I suspect that digging around in my friends list (she'd have had to go quite a few pages in to see their name) & seeing the person's name there threw her over the edge, resulting in her deciding to leave the syndicate. As it happens, the person is someone who's been on the list for a good couple of years, but who I probably haven't contacted via FB in over a year, long before I knew this lottery woman - they just went on with a load of others from work, but we don't socialise or contact each other outside work. However, missy clearly didn't see it that way & threw a wobbly.

The thing is, she'd given me enough money to cover the whole month at the new price, but I don't know whether I should buy her line or not. She hasn't mentioned the lottery money at all - maybe she's forgotten she paid it, or was so distraught by the FB "discovery" that she couldn't focus her thoughts.

Part of me says not to buy the ticket with her line on it, as she's made it clear she doesn't want anything to do with us/me. The other part of me says that, though she's behaving badly, I wouldn't like her to miss out on a possible lottery win just because she's not being reasonable. I haven't contacted her since making her aware that my FB contacts aren't her business & if she doesn't trust me FB isn't going to change that one way or the other, & haven't heard from her either. My OH says I should buy the tickets with everyone else's lines on them, & if I hear from her by Friday morning saying that she's remembered she paid & wants the money used for tickets I can then go & get her line, otherwise don't. A friend says to buy everyone else's, & on Friday buy her line even if I don't hear from her, the thinking being that if she later argues about it, I can say she should have told me not to get it if she didn't want it bought.

The thing of her going through my FB to see who's on it rankles, even more so because she clearly thinks she's got a right to question me in detail about what she sees, but I don't want to not buy her ticket just because of that. Yet I don't think it's my responsibility to ask her whether she wants the ticket bought or not - she should say herself. What would you do - apart from think "FFS!" ?

[sarahcs]

Hmm. I would buy the line as she's paid. Then ignore her (unless you win of course). I think legally you might be on a sticky wicket if she's given you the money. What if her line came up and you hadn't bought it?

[ange770]

Phewww! I would get her a line because she has paid you for it, simple as. Then forget about her as she sounds slightly odd! Im sure it isnt her business who you are friends with?? Especially as you are not romantically involved with her??

[Lippincote]

From the way she's behaving it sounds as if whatever you do (buy or don't buy) it will be the 'wrong' thing. Personally I would text/email (whichever is least bother) saying that as per her instructions you won't be buying her a ticket unless she texts you to the contrary. Then the ball is in her court and it's not your responsibility.

[Galaxy266]

Yes, I would buy her line as normal, but treat it as purely a business arrangement and nothing more.

After this period is up then don't bother with her.

[GetMeOuttaHere]

As she's paid you up front I'd carry on doing her lines for until her money runs out, then drop her a quick message if she wins anything. As for the Facebook issues, more trouble than its worth. Who you are friends with is your business not hers and she has no right to say otherwise, I'd have told her as well.

[Hopeless_Savage]

Agreed, she has given you her money, get her the line. Imagine if the syndicate won and she had wanted to carry it on? My the shit would hit the fan :P

[Bezmina]

Can't you just give her the money back?

[PiggyHiggy]

hi I run a syndicate for my office, I guess it is down to what your lottery agreement states. We have had our drawn up for a while and it covers things such as when someone is off sick, or when subs are not up to date (as a few of us travel so are not always in the office).

Our terms are simple if you have paid you're in if you haven't you're out. I cannot be @rsed to chase everyone, I make it their responsibility to pay, they fail to pay they live with the consequences. I buy tickets weekly and drop lines as appropriate (I have a few slips wrote out to cover this!).

As she has paid I would drop her an email stating that unless you hear the contrary you will buy the ticket as planned. The ball is then in her court.

As for the FB issue tell her to shove it.....

Good luck!

[pookabear]

I wouldn't buy it, and return her money when you see her. If her line comes up (hope this is the right way to say it, I'm an aussie so don't know UK lottery!) then you have emails as proof that she wanted to drop out after the 3rd, so it's her fault.

[Smokeychan1]

If you were one of the members she emailed, then I would email back reminding her she is paid up until dd:mm and, unless you hear to the contrary, you will continue to buy her line.

Ball is in her court then and you can stop worrying about it.

I'd put the FB thing behind you now you have rightly told her it is none of her business.

[Pearl McG]

I run our departmental lotto, and I've recently fallen out with one member. She hasn't paid for months, but I have been paying her share out of her winnings (we all have about £20 at the mo) and this is now running out.

I have covered my back by emailing her every month saying how much she owes (all nice and friendly), and in my last email I told her that once this runs out she will be out of the syndicate. She hasn't replied, but I always get a 'read' receipt to cover myself.

I think that's the best I can do.

[robinsbatman]

Originally Posted by Bezmina

Can't you just give her the money back?

Originally Posted by pookabear

I wouldn't buy it, and return her money when you see her. If her line comes up (hope this is the right way to say it, I'm an aussie so don't know UK lottery!) then you have emails as proof that she wanted to drop out after the 3rd, so it's her fault.

Believe me, if I knew I'd be seeing her in the next day or so, I'd happily offer her the money back in person. However, I sometimes don't see her for over a week, & the ticket needs to be bought in the next couple of days. Now this has happened, I don't want to have her money in my possession for any longer than necessary. At least when it's in ticket form, it won't feel quite so uncomfortable.

[pookabear]

so when you say she sent an email to "all of the syndicate" does this include an email direct to you as well? or just everyone else?

[robinsbatman]

PiggyHiggy & Pearl, I run our syndicate much like you. It's always been that if you haven't given me your money, I'm not going to pay for you unless you've contacted me & I've specifically agreed to that. Our agreement is usually pretty watertight, but we came unstuck this time because of the price increase & information about it not being made public until after we'd bought the October ticket. If we'd known in September about the price going up from 7 November, we'd have bought tickets right up to that date instead of having one odd week between the end of the October ticket & the price increase coming into effect. If there hadn't been a price increase at all, we'd have bought tickets covering the whole of November at the end of October, & the issue of buying her line wouldn't have arisen.

I don't chase anyone for the money either. Our agreement makes it very clear that payment is their responsibility & theirs alone. Usually everything runs like clockwork. I just didn't bargain on Camelot doing something totally unexpected that put a spoke in the wheels of my organisation.

[robinsbatman]

Originally Posted by pookabear

so when you say she sent an email to "all of the syndicate" does this include an email direct to you as well? or just everyone else?

It was sent to all of us by name including me, with all of our names in the "To" box, rather than just to me & cc'd to them, or sent to them separately before or after mine. We therefore all got exactly the same e-mail at the same time.

[robinsbatman]

Originally Posted by sarahcs

Hmm. I would buy the line as she's paid. Then ignore her (unless you win of course). I think legally you might be on a sticky wicket if she's given you the money. What if her line came up and you hadn't bought it?

Originally Posted by Hopeless_Savage

Agreed, she has given you her money, get her the line. Imagine if the syndicate won and she had wanted to carry it on? My the shit would hit the fan :P

That's one of the things that's bothered me - you don't do the lottery to start arguing with people before the money's even cleared into your account. I can see this being a real issue if any money is won, not least of all because all of the syndicate would lose out not just her. My OH however says I should go by the date she put in her e-mail, & also the fact that she didn't respond to messages, & has had enough time to contact me. He's of the view I should give her the money back when I see her, & the e-mail should stand as proof of her intent especially as she sent it to all of the syndicate members, not just me.I always e-mail a copy of the ticket to the other members, so it's not like she didn't get the copy of the ticket for Friday 6 November, which he thinks should have prompted her to contact me about it.

[pookabear]

if she's emailed you, then i wouldn't buy the tickets. you're spending her money when she's withdrawn her authorisation for you to do that. you dont know for sure the reason she's opting out, it could be because money is tight, something came up unexpectedly and she can't spare any extra until further notice. send her an email saying when you'll get the money back to her, or she can pick it up from you when she wants if its not soon enough.

keep in mind, if she's an arsey sort, she could ask you for the money back even if you do buy the lines, since she gave you enough warning that she didnt want to participate past the 3rd.

[robinsbatman]

Originally Posted by pookabear

if she's emailed you, then i wouldn't buy the tickets. you're spending her money when she's withdrawn her authorisation for you to do that. you dont know for sure the reason she's opting out, it could be because money is tight, something came up unexpectedly and she can't spare any extra until further notice. send her an email saying when you'll get the money back to her, or she can pick it up from you when she wants if its not soon enough.

keep in mind, if she's an arsey sort, she could ask you for the money back even if you do buy the lines, since she gave you enough warning that she didnt want to participate past the 3rd.

That's pretty much what my OH said. He said that she gave me the money before she withdrew from the syndicate not afterwards, so I can't assume the previous decision (to give me the money to buy her line) has or hasn't been superseded by the later one (to leave the syndicate).

I honestly don't think it's anything to do with affording the tickets, because she (a) used to ring me at home for a chat every few days, & could therefore very easily have told me if money was tight, & (b) right up to the previous week, she was all for doing the syndicate even with the price increase. She even wanted us to add a couple of lucky dips to it.

As daft as it sounds (it even sounds stupid to me typing it), I firmly believe It's to do with FB & her not being able to accept I can know someone she doesn't get on with & still be friendly with her. We're not kids - if she said something I wasn't comfortable hearing, I'd just tell her I'd rather not hear it as I know both parties. In reality, discomfort about hearing something probably wouldn't arise because I'm not close to the other person at all - it's "Hello" & suchlike if I see her during the day, but no socialising outside work unless she happens to be where I am, & I can count the number of times that's happened in the last couple of years on the fingers of one hand & still have at least one finger spare. She seems to think that if she can't trust me on FB (an odd concept in itself), then she can't trust me to play fair with the syndicate. It's ludicrous.

It looks like I'm going to have to e-mail her, doesn't it? I really don't want to, as the less I have to do with her the better I'll like it, plus I don't want to be checking my e-mails for a reply from her that may never come. I hate feeling like someone's trying to dangle me on their bit of manky string.

[Chunkeymonkey66]

I would buy it, just incase!

[ValLambert]

Syndicates are a nightmare. Our one in my last office had six members and the arrangement at teh start was that any win under twenty ounds would be used to buy the following few weeks tickets. then we won a tenner and one woman insisted we divided it up! All £1 something of it.

But then if she has said that she doesn't want to be part of it I would be tempted to return her money and withdraw her from the syndicate. Sod's law of course is that you will win and there will be a stooshy whatever you decide. .

As for FB I would tell her that your choice of friends on there is none of her business if she mentions it again. If she's not on your friends list make it private. If she is, delete her if she's not happy.

Facebook really is blackmagic for this sort of thing. People take the hump at the slightest thing and misunderstand or blow it out of proportion.

[kezby_2k]

Originally Posted by robinsbatman

That's one of the things that's bothered me - you don't do the lottery to start arguing with people before the money's even cleared into your account. I can see this being a real issue if any money is won, not least of all because all of the syndicate would lose out not just her. My OH however says I should go by the date she put in her e-mail, & also the fact that she didn't respond to messages, & has had enough time to contact me. He's of the view I should give her the money back when I see her, & the e-mail should stand as proof of her intent especially as she sent it to all of the syndicate members, not just me.I always e-mail a copy of the ticket to the other members, so it's not like she didn't get the copy of the ticket for Friday 6 November, which he thinks should have prompted her to contact me about it.

I agree with this really - If you did win and she wanted to argue about it, you have it in writing that she wanted to opt out after 2nd November, therefore legally I dont think you have anything to worry about (I say legally, as in, if she wanted to take it further).
If you have always had a system whereby you dont chase people for money, and dont cover it if you havnt heard from them, I think you should stick to this, ie dont buy her line.
I think someone already said it, but maybe you should send her a message saying that you'll give her the money back as she has told you she doesnt want to be in the syndicate anymore, and then you're covered again, and it also gives her a chance to respond to you if she's realised she's maybe overstepped the line with regards to facebook

[robinsbatman]

I wasn't at all keen on e-mailing her to ask whether the ticket should be bought or even to let her know that I'll be buying it unless I hear from her to the contrary, as that puts me in the position of double-checking my e-mails repeatedly specifically to see whether she's replied. I like to get the tickets before Friday night to get them out of the way, & I don't like the idea of having to wait for her to reply. However, I'd prefer to cover myself, so I've just e-mailed her. I've kept the e-mail formal & I've given her a deadline by which to let me know whether she wants me to buy the ticket with her included or not, as I'll buying the ticket including her if I haven't heard from her by then. I've said I'll be buying it if I don't hear from her partly because that puts the onus on her to tell me if she doesn't want me to include her, but also because I don't see why we should lose out on a chance to win just because she hasn't bothered to contact me.

I know I shouldn't have to contact her & it really went against the grain to do it, but I want to be seen to be fair even if she can't bring herself to be. As one of my friends said to me tonight, we have a "no publicity" clause in our lottery agreement, & if I don't ask her about this & then we win on the other lines & she hasn't been included when I had her money already, she may feel sufficiently sore about it to give our names to the papers out of spite. That has the long-term potential to cause lots of hassle & is likely to hurt a lot more than sending her the e-mail now, so it's been sent with high importance. If she replies she replies, if she doesn't it's no skin off my nose, as I'll have the e-mails to back up my decision if she decides to argue the toss later. I won't be surprised if she doesn't respond to it, but I bet the cheeky piece finds her way to the phone quick sharp if the numbers come up!

My OH said she sounds like she has stalker potential, & I think the more distance I can put between us the better. I've only known her a few months & for her to carry on like this especially about FB is ridiculous. There'll never be a day that I go through all the people I know to decide whether to drop them because she (or anyone else) that I subsequently meet may not like them. It's stupid for her to even think she can question me on it. She's actually gone as far as to take herself off FB now (days after sending the e-mail leaving the syndicate), & if she goes back on it at a later date, there's no chance of her going back on my account as I can't be doing with snoopers who also think they've got a right to critique my contacts.

Thanks for your help guys. You've helped me see things more clearly. When you're very close to a situation, it's very tempting to do something impetuous because you're hurt, but if the numbers came up & I hadn't included her I'd upset people who hadn't done anything to deserve it.

[robinsbatman]

Well, I got a reply this morning saying that she'd come to collect her money today. When she turned up, she was civil (as was I). I got no thanks for contacting her about it, though I’d done her a favour e-mailing her. She didn't mention why she'd behaved the way she had & I didn't ask. I had her money ready for her & counted it out to her, so now we're square. As I've only just found out she didn't want me to use the money for tickets, I hadn’t had a chance to check the October tickets, so I told her that if there are any winnings to come to her I’d let her know (I’ve since checked & there aren’t any). She went off saying a cheery "See you later", I said "Bye" & that was that. It was a very odd way to end what's been an annoying & confusing situation. A casual observer would have thought she'd just popped in for something - there wasn’t a clue from her demeanour that she was so angry, & but for the texts she sent me last week & my replies, I might have wondered if I'd dreamt it all! I'll be copying those texts to my pc asap just in case I need to refer to them at a later date.

Anyway, I'm glad it's dealt with - I'm too old for this kind of odd behaviour. As she’s not owed any winnings, we now have no reason to speak to each other again except professionally, & that's probably a good thing - at least she won't be able to pry into my life again. When I told my OH she'd collected the money, he said she was silly - as she’d already given me the money, she’d have been better off leaving it for tickets rather than taking it out & hoping the numbers don’t come up. Even if she'd left it in for the next 4 weeks & had collected the balance of the money I'd owe her as & when she next came in, that would have been better than making a special effort to collect it today & taking it all. He said it would serve her right if we won something decent now (I heard someone left the syndicate that won on Friday only the week before - they must be gutted at losing out on so much money). Maybe a dose of karma will come her way soon, or maybe it’ll just dawn on her in a few weeks that she’s been a chump.