Cold feet or not yet ready? - Advice

scorpio20080 · 10-11-2009, 16:49

Hi everyone - first time I am asking for some advice on relationships so im a bit nervous.

Im getting married next August (got engaged over the weekend). Been with my OH for 3 years now and never had any other bf's before him. And I know he is the one and that I want to get married to him.

But all of a sudden im getting nervous for no apparent reason. Im a very shy sort of girl and not good with a crowd - meaning I dont like being the centre of attraction.

Is this just me getting cold feet? My mum says its perfectly normal but im still not sure, although I am 100% sure that he's the one. Maybe we should just postpone the wedding?

PS: Sorry if its all jumbled up..

the_melon · 10-11-2009, 16:55

Does the thought of just having a little ceremony scare you? Just with a few people?

David ® · 10-11-2009, 16:56

Grats on the engagement.

Lots of people get nervous at the thought of being the center of attention. Its normal. Just remember. all those at your wedding would have been invited by you and simply want to celebrate your day.

I wouldn't postpone, even the confident get nervous.

kobec · 10-11-2009, 16:58

Congratulations!!

Don't panic just yet - you've only just got engaged! Plenty of time to decide what kind of wedding you want.

scorpio20080 · 10-11-2009, 16:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_melon

Does the thought of just having a little ceremony scare you? Just with a few people?

It doesnt no, but then again I would like a huge wedding. Lol, im confusing myself now! I like being around people, but I dont like getting up and doing any sort of speeches or saying vows in front of a crowd...

Oh dear, maybe I should just start practising now in front of my family. I know what I want, yet...

scorpio20080 · 10-11-2009, 17:02

Quote:

Originally Posted by David ®

Grats on the engagement.

Lots of people get nervous at the thought of being the center of attention. Its normal. Just remember. all those at your wedding would have been invited by you and simply want to celebrate your day.

I wouldn't postpone, even the confident get nervous.

Thankyou..

I know I'll only be surrounded by friends and family who know me well and no one else yet I still feel shy lol..

Barbella · 10-11-2009, 17:08

Have a small intimate ceremony and then a huge party/reception afterwards.

the_melon · 10-11-2009, 17:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpio20080

It doesnt no, but then again I would like a huge wedding. Lol, im confusing myself now! I like being around people, but I dont like getting up and doing any sort of speeches or saying vows in front of a crowd...

Oh dear, maybe I should just start practising now in front of my family. I know what I want, yet...

Sorry, I was just leaving work when I posted that so it was a bit brief! I think, if you're a shy person, then it's probably just the enormity of it that's worrying you.

Me and my hubby got married a few months ago and we're both the type of people who don't like to be centre of attention. We went for a fairly small wedding and we were fully expecting to be a bit scared of all the attention. But, I've got to say it was the best day of our lives!
We were so pleased to have got married and to be spending time with our friends and family that we weren't scared at all!

You'll know deep down whether it's just nerves or second thoughts

Nerves are completely normal though!

scorpio20080 · 10-11-2009, 19:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_melon

Sorry, I was just leaving work when I posted that so it was a bit brief! I think, if you're a shy person, then it's probably just the enormity of it that's worrying you.

Me and my hubby got married a few months ago and we're both the type of people who don't like to be centre of attention. We went for a fairly small wedding and we were fully expecting to be a bit scared of all the attention. But, I've got to say it was the best day of our lives!
We were so pleased to have got married and to be spending time with our friends and family that we weren't scared at all!

You'll know deep down whether it's just nerves or second thoughts

Nerves are completely normal though!

Im know its not second thoughts as we're both completely devoted to each other. I really am a bag of nerves when it comes to speaking. Even in school I never did like presentations and that continued on to uni, job etc. I do do it in the end, but I just dont look at people when im speaking...im ok with a small group of friends though..

cnbcwatcher · 10-11-2009, 21:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpio20080

Im know its not second thoughts as we're both completely devoted to each other. I really am a bag of nerves when it comes to speaking. Even in school I never did like presentations and that continued on to uni, job etc. I do do it in the end, but I just dont look at people when im speaking...im ok with a small group of friends though..

I'm like that as well - we have to do a presentation in college next week about an assignment and I'm kinda nervous but we're doing it as a group. I don't like being the centre of attention either and hate the idea of everyone looking at me or taking photos of me or focusing too much on my outfit rather than anything I have to say or what I do (job, uni etc.)

the_melon · 11-11-2009, 08:43

Quote:

Originally Posted by scorpio20080

Im know its not second thoughts as we're both completely devoted to each other. I really am a bag of nerves when it comes to speaking. Even in school I never did like presentations and that continued on to uni, job etc. I do do it in the end, but I just dont look at people when im speaking...im ok with a small group of friends though..

The beauty of planning your own wedding is that you can have exactly what you want. If you don't want to do speeches, you don't have to.
If you'd rather have a small service and a small meal and then a huge party afterwards, you can do that - that make take some of the pressure off?
You should make a list of which bits in particular are scaring you and find ways to plan the day which make you feel comfortable.
PM me if you want, I spent 2 years planning our wedding (

) so might be able to help if you need any advice.

horseychick28 · 11-11-2009, 09:07

I didn't have a photographer as I hate having my picture taken so guests just took impromptu pictures of the day and it was great, it really can be what you both want it to be!

the_melon · 11-11-2009, 09:25

Quote:

Originally Posted by horseychick28

I didn't have a photographer as I hate having my picture taken so guests just took impromptu pictures of the day and it was great, it really can be what you both want it to be!

That's a good idea, I think natural photos are always really lovely when people are captured because they really are just smiling naturally!

I wrote a little speech and I didn't know if I would be able to actually give it, so I didn't tell anyone about it. But on the day, I was feeling a bit brave so I managed to blurt it all out!

scorpio20080 · 12-11-2009, 18:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by the_melon

The beauty of planning your own wedding is that you can have exactly what you want. If you don't want to do speeches, you don't have to.
If you'd rather have a small service and a small meal and then a huge party afterwards, you can do that - that make take some of the pressure off?
You should make a list of which bits in particular are scaring you and find ways to plan the day which make you feel comfortable.
PM me if you want, I spent 2 years planning our wedding (

) so might be able to help if you need any advice.

We are planning on having about 80-100 guests for the wedding as my fiance as quite a huge family..

Not all of them will be invited though! But we're are thinking about having around 300 guests for reception..

The photographer thing sounds good actually. My friend is an amatuer (sp?) photographer, so might get him to take all the photographs instead of having a professional photographer..

10-11-2009, 16:49	#1
scorpio20080 Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 2,206	Cold feet or not yet ready? Hi everyone - first time I am asking for some advice on relationships so im a bit nervous. Im getting married next August (got engaged over the weekend). Been with my OH for 3 years now and never had any other bf's before him. And I know he is the one and that I want to get married to him. But all of a sudden im getting nervous for no apparent reason. Im a very shy sort of girl and not good with a crowd - meaning I dont like being the centre of attraction. Is this just me getting cold feet? My mum says its perfectly normal but im still not sure, although I am 100% sure that he's the one. Maybe we should just postpone the wedding? PS: Sorry if its all jumbled up..

10-11-2009, 16:55	#2
the_melon Forum Member Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Sussex Posts: 1,140	Does the thought of just having a little ceremony scare you? Just with a few people?

10-11-2009, 16:56	#3
David ® Forum Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 173	Grats on the engagement. Lots of people get nervous at the thought of being the center of attention. Its normal. Just remember. all those at your wedding would have been invited by you and simply want to celebrate your day. I wouldn't postpone, even the confident get nervous.

10-11-2009, 16:58	#4
kobec Forum Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 802	Congratulations!! Don't panic just yet - you've only just got engaged! Plenty of time to decide what kind of wedding you want.

10-11-2009, 17:08	#7
Barbella Forum Member Join Date: Mar 2005 Services: cheese and biscuits Posts: 2,845	Have a small intimate ceremony and then a huge party/reception afterwards.

11-11-2009, 09:07	#12
horseychick28 Forum Member Join Date: Feb 2006 Posts: 1,299	I didn't have a photographer as I hate having my picture taken so guests just took impromptu pictures of the day and it was great, it really can be what you both want it to be!