[cathrin]

(1) Shouting "...That's a FACT!" at the end of every sentence, even when the context makes no sense e.g. "Why don't you get a job? That's a FACT!" (Er...no it isn't, Jeremy, it's a question!)

(2) Referring to children as "it" ("...Are you going to start letting this child see its father"?) while criticizing guests if they do the same.

(3) Casting all his guests into stereotypical roles two seconds after they've first set foot on the stage "So, are you the Voice Of Reason?"/"I can tell you're a bit of a Cheeky Chappie"/"You seem like a really nice bloke" and then persisting in sticking to those first impressions even if faced with irrefutable evidence to the contrary.

(4) Grabbing every opportunity to tell stories which he believes show him in a good light "I used to drive all night to see my kids without any sleep" without ever stopping to think that he actually comes out of it rather badly...what about all the other motorists on the road whose lives were endangered by his sleep-deprived driving?

(5) Constantly telling wife-batterers how "brave" they are for "coming on the show and putting their hands in the air" Bleaaagh!

Anyone else got a list?

[Deathwarmedup]

1 appears on TV

2 appears on TV

3 appears on TV

4 appears on TV

5 appears on TV

[RubberSoul]

I hate it when it calls women "sweet".

[brucie117]

Most annoying thing Jeremy Kyle does - He breathes

[dirtbox]

Who is Jeremy Kyle?

[mynameisjames]

- Adding to the end of each question "YES OR NO?", e.g.

"Are you going to kick the drinking? YES OR NO?"
"Haddock spanners. Oh, sorry, I can only answer yes or no, can't I?"

- His inability to understand the concept of the phrase 'The lie detector is 96% accurate'. This means 1 result in 25 could be wrong, but this doesn't stop him from treating the piece of paper in his hand like the Magna Carta. The closest he comes is sarcastically telling the alleged liar "Oooooh, so I suppose you're one of the 4%?" Well, yes. They could be. But then to admit that does rather urinate on Jerry's next angry rant. Speaking of which:

- Telling naughty guests "I'm going to give you both barrels" as if he's Charles Dickens promising an audience another master work, rather than a rabble-rousing daytime TV ringmaster stating the bleeding obvious, remembering to build a crescendo in the last sentence so his lackeys in the audience know when to applaud.

[CabbagesAhoy!]

I loathe (but perversely look forward to) Mr Kyle berrating the guest villain (usually absent father/drunk mother etc) then when they burst into tears I HATE it when he says 'I know underneath it all you are a good person.....'

[mynameisjames]

Originally Posted by dirtbox

Who is Jeremy Kyle?

Kwik-Save Jerry Springer.

[Keyser Soze]

"Listen to me ...Listen to me ...Listen to me ...Listen to me!"

"Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me ...Look at me!"

[cathrin]

Originally Posted by mynameisjames

-

- Telling naughty guests "I'm going to give you both barrels" as if he's Charles Dickens promising an audience another master work, rather than a rabble-rousing daytime TV ringmaster stating the bleeding obvious, remembering to build a crescendo in the last sentence so his lackeys in the audience know when to applaud.

So true! Am I right in thinking the audience is full of plants to lead the cheering and booing etc? That can surely be the only explanation for the ridiculous amount of reinforcement he gets for his appalling behaviour. If it was an audience of normal sane people without an agenda, surely they'd take against him now and again? Now that I really would love to see.

Did you see him a couple of weeks ago when one of his guests actually had the oomph to stand up to him (hoorah!)....JK fixed him with a horrible creepy sneering smile and said something like: "If I came out of first gear you wouldn't stand a chance, mate". Talk about a high opinion of yourself! Without the security guards backing him up, he wouldn't dare taunt people the way he does!

[intoxication]

Jeremy: What's your name, sweetheart?

Guest: Beverley

Jeremy: And what do you want to say, Bev?

Yet he shouts and screams whenever someone gets *his* name wrong!

Also I saw a show today where he was saying something like "the thing i've learnt about doing this show is that the guest that comes out first is not always right, so please keep an open mind for the second guest.." and this guy walks on stage and a couple of people boo. Then he had the cheek to say to the guy "I want to hear what you have to say before I make up a judgement unlike *some* of the people in this audience." It's your circus Jeremy Kyle, your name on the show as you keep reminding the guests on your stage, so if you can't control the screeching of your animals then don't invite them.

[Tabbythecat]

Originally Posted by cathrin

So true! Am I right in thinking the audience is full of plants to lead the cheering and booing etc? Talk about a high opinion of yourself! Without the security guards backing him up, he wouldn't dare taunt people the way he does!

yery true on both counts, he uses the "wally-brained- guards"to hide behind & he must use plants otherwise he wouldnt get any reactions they would sit there like planks

[cathrin]

I just remembered another one...I hate the way he ALWAYS says "I think there's right and wrong on both sides"....Even when there clearly isn't. I reckon even if his first guest was a crazed violent kitten-torturing psychopath with "DEATH TO ALL SWEET FURRY ANIMALS" tattooed on his chest, Jeremy would say "I think there's right and wrong on both sides...those sweet little furry animals probably made mistakes just like you did...and let's be honest it takes a BRAVE MAN to ADMIT he's MADE SOME MISTAKES isn't that RIGHT ladies and gentlemen?" And then he'd bring on the kittens, and everyone would boo them for pushing the guy's buttons and provoking him into attacking them.

[Tabbythecat]

Originally Posted by cathrin

I just remembered another one...I hate the way he ALWAYS says "I think there's right and wrong on both sides"....Even when there clearly isn't. I reckon if his guest was a crazed violent kitten-torturing psychopath with "DEATH TO ALL SWEET FURRY ANIMALS" tattooed on his chest, Jeremy would say "I think there's right and wrong on both sides...those sweet little furry animals probably made mistakes just like you did...and let's be honest it takes a BRAVE MAN to ADMIT he's MADE SOME MISTAKES isn't that RIGHT ladies and gentlemen?" And then he'd bring on the kittens, and everyone would boo them for pushing the guy's buttons and provoking him into attacking them.

I hope the kittens complained to thier agent (Mrs T nods)

[mynameisjames]

Originally Posted by cathrin

Did you see him a couple of weeks ago when one of his guests actually had the oomph to stand up to him (hoorah!)....JK fixed him with a horrible creepy sneering smile and said something like: "If I came out of first gear you wouldn't stand a chance, mate". Talk about a high opinion of yourself!

I saw that, yes! Spoookily enough, I had that very moment in mind as I typed. He certainly sees himself as some sort of Pleb-host Laureate, a lexical genius who must always remember to keep his most brilliant mind under control, lest he unleashed the full force of his mid-morning commonsense intellect on us mere mortals, causing our brains to melt in the radiance of such wit and intelligence.

I wish I was clever enough to shout at drunks.

[cathrin]

Originally Posted by mynameisjames

I saw that, yes! Spoookily enough, I had that very moment in mind as I typed. He certainly sees himself as some sort of Pleb-host Laureate, a lexical genius who must always remember to keep his most brilliant mind under control, lest he unleashed the full force of his mid-morning commonsense intellect on us mere mortals, causing our brains to melt in the radiance of such wit and intelligence.

I wish I was clever enough to shout at drunks.

I'm really hoping John Culshaw develops his Jeremy Kyle sketch in the new series of Dead Ringers...there's so much material there (...come to think of it, Mr Culshaw could do a lot worse than read this thread and steal some of our comments!

[minimalistmatt]

there's only one ... Breathe.

[spacedidi]

"now we're going to bring out sharon's husband who is a MURDEROUS, EVIL PSYCHOPATH WHO SHOOTS SMALL CHILDREN AT THE SAME TIME AS DRINK-DRIVING AND TAKING NUMEROUS DESPICABLE DRUGS and a PIECE OF SCUM WHO OUGHT TO BE CEREMONIALLY SACRIFICED, NEVER TO BLEMISH OUR EARTH AGAIN!! SHAME ON YOU!! SHAME ON YOU!!

...and, before i bring him out, remember, we don't prejudge on the jeremy kyle show!!"

[mynameisjames]

Happens occasionally:

JK: "OK, so you say your girlfriend beats her children, has kicked her drug problem, shoplifts and donated a kidney to Mother Theresa. Let's bring her out. Sharon's on the Jeremy Kyle Show!"
*some booing from audience members unsure of how to react*
JK: "NO! Stop that. I'm sorry about that darling, there's no need for booing..."

YES THERE BLOODY IS!!! Your audience didn't turn up today to watch a series of heartwarming stories of trials against adversity, nor did they come along hoping to explore the complex psychological dynamics of relationships presented with challenging external influences. They all got their tickets because they wanted to boo and hiss at a parade of social oddballs and pantomime villains, presided over by a judgemental loudmouth.

If there was nobody to boo, you'd be back on late-night radio before you could say "This is MY show". You rely on winding your audience up into a seething mob before releasing the next sacrificial pleb for them to rip apart, so don't get so indignant when a few of them forget which ones are meant to be the baddies.

[ludovica]

Breathe, speak, exist, be on TV.. cant think of a 5th one

[Deathwarmedup]

I must admit I've never seen plants on JK but they might brighten the place up a bit a few cacti and that.

[miss loo]

1. "Sit back"
2. "Take a deep breath"
3. "Relax"
4. "Sweet"
5. "Isn't he/she brave ladies and gentlemen" (No, they are mindless scum who air their dirty laundry in public).

Love the show though. Makes me feel very superior.

[cathrin]

Originally Posted by mynameisjames

You rely on winding your audience up into a seething mob before releasing the next sacrificial pleb for them to rip apart, so don't get so indignant when a few of them forget which ones are meant to be the baddies.

....And is there anything on earth more hypocritical than the way he does his hammed-up pretence of being deeply shocked, outraged and saddened whenever a fight breaks out onstage, but the fight scene is then endlessly repeated before and after the commercial breaks to remind us all just how juicy and exciting the show is? Not so saddened now eh Jeremy? AAAAARGH! Why do I keep watching this tripe?!

[trixieb]

He is terrible!
I haven't got 5 reasons as such but:
Rikki Lake, Oprah Winfrey, Montel Williams, Sally Jessie Raphael and Trisha are all better than him!

Partly because they are either better informed of psychological / relationship issues, or make good use of people who are.

And another thing- he keeps referring to his 250 years of experience on the radio.


I honestly hardly watch now!

[mynameisjames]

Originally Posted by cathrin

....And is there anything on earth more hypocritical than the way he does his hammed-up pretence of being deeply shocked, outraged and saddened whenever a fight breaks out onstage, but the fight scene is then endlessly repeated before and after the commercial breaks to remind us all just how juicy and exciting the show is?

Speaking of which: What on earth is that visual effect they use on those clips before each break? Soemhow, it makes the guests look even uglier. It enhances every pimple, blemish and boil on their face and makes them look like they're at the wrong end of rehab.

Strangely, you never see this effect used on Jerry.