Gay Spy
The last series of Big Brother was as stale as that decade-old fruitcake you found while you were clearing out Great Aunt Mavis' loft; this year's X Factor has been as disappointing as a cheeky DVD without a money shot; and Hell's Kitchen generated as much heat as the gas cooker that sank with The Titanic. Whatever happened to the unmissable reality TV shows of days gone by? Well, it's time to surrender your social life all over again, because Gay Spy has decided to bring them back! We've poured every ounce of our creative juices into developing four devilishly gripping new reality shows, each of which has been imbued with a cheeky gay twist. The good folks at the BBC, ITV and Channel 4 – though, to be honest, we're even prepared to cut a deal with Living – won't believe their eyes.
The Sauna
The slogan: It's time for the hottest, steamiest and stickiest challenge of the summer.
The premise: A trio of Z-list stars feel the heat as they pour blood, sweat and tears into running a real-life gay sauna. Each celebrity entrepreneur will strive to turn a profit from just three key ingredients: an ultra-sophisticated plumbing system, a hyowge underground space and a whole lotta pent-up lust. Each week the stars will be set a task – 'Spot The Badly-Disguised Celebrity!', 'Who can find the washing machine's boil-wash setting first?', 'Rapid Jacuzzi Excavation Time!' - to earn a money-can't-buy reward.
The talent: Our sauna managers will be reality TV stalwarts James Hewitt, Shane from Boyzone and John McCririck.
What's up for grabs? The manager of the most profitable business will earn the privilege never to set foot in his sauna again.
Britain’s Next Top Porn Star
The slogan: Are you man enough?
The premise: The hunt is on for Britain's next adult movie superstar. We've held nationwide auditions to find guys with the looks, swagger and jockstrap-filling capabilities to make it big - really big – in the world of porn. We've whittled the hip-thrusting hopefuls down to the final 50, but only one wannabe will win the chance to get jiggy in front of the camera.
The talent: A trio of helpful, fabulously friendly mentors – Christopher Biggins, Girls Aloud's Sarah Harding and legendary porn actor Ron Jeremy – will be on hand to offer the contestants one-on-one tutoring at any time of the day. Or, indeed, night.
What’s up for grabs? A starring role in Pumpin' Jack Flash, the Gay Spy movie.
I'm Still Standing
The slogan: Do you have what it takes to be a rock legend?
The premise: Ten seasoned Elton John impersonators compete for the title of Britain's best fake rock idol. Contestants will be judged on their flair for posing on top of a piano, their ability to pull off a honey-blond hair weave and their talent for organising parties with budgets bigger the GNP of Papua New Guinea. One faux-Elton will be voted off each week, until the sole survivor earns the right to shriek 'I'm still staaaanding!'
The talent: The judging panel comprises three celebrities with a close personal connection to the real-life Elton: his life partner David Furnish, his good friend Victoria Beckham, and his florist Rose Honeysuckle.
What’s up for grabs? The victorious trickster will perform for the man himself at Elton's 61st birthday party.*
* For safety reasons the impersonator will be separated from his idol by an inch-thick perspex screen, which has been specially designed not to shatter when impacted by a stroppily-thrown glass vase.
Four Poofs and a Piano Present: The Search for the Next Poof
The slogan: Your chance to sing in perfect poofy harmony.
The premise: Jonathan Ross' house band is on the hunt for a brand new - tee hee hee! - member. Contestants will be subjected to a rigorous and demanding audition process, being judged on their sashaying skills, their penchant for 'camping up' well-known pop classics and, of course, their ability to make the most of everything that their mouths and throats have to offer.
The talent:The four poofs themselves will put the contestants through their paces, while Jonathan Ross will serve as MC at the glitter-drenched live final.
What’s up for grabs? The winner will earn a permanent place in the group, making his debut by trilling Prince's 'Baby, I'm A Star' on the first Friday Night With Jonathan Ross of 2008.
The slogan: It's time for the hottest, steamiest and stickiest challenge of the summer.
The premise: A trio of Z-list stars feel the heat as they pour blood, sweat and tears into running a real-life gay sauna. Each celebrity entrepreneur will strive to turn a profit from just three key ingredients: an ultra-sophisticated plumbing system, a hyowge underground space and a whole lotta pent-up lust. Each week the stars will be set a task – 'Spot The Badly-Disguised Celebrity!', 'Who can find the washing machine's boil-wash setting first?', 'Rapid Jacuzzi Excavation Time!' - to earn a money-can't-buy reward.
The talent: Our sauna managers will be reality TV stalwarts James Hewitt, Shane from Boyzone and John McCririck.
What's up for grabs? The manager of the most profitable business will earn the privilege never to set foot in his sauna again.
The slogan: Are you man enough?
The premise: The hunt is on for Britain's next adult movie superstar. We've held nationwide auditions to find guys with the looks, swagger and jockstrap-filling capabilities to make it big - really big – in the world of porn. We've whittled the hip-thrusting hopefuls down to the final 50, but only one wannabe will win the chance to get jiggy in front of the camera.
The talent: A trio of helpful, fabulously friendly mentors – Christopher Biggins, Girls Aloud's Sarah Harding and legendary porn actor Ron Jeremy – will be on hand to offer the contestants one-on-one tutoring at any time of the day. Or, indeed, night.
What’s up for grabs? A starring role in Pumpin' Jack Flash, the Gay Spy movie.
The slogan: Do you have what it takes to be a rock legend?
The premise: Ten seasoned Elton John impersonators compete for the title of Britain's best fake rock idol. Contestants will be judged on their flair for posing on top of a piano, their ability to pull off a honey-blond hair weave and their talent for organising parties with budgets bigger the GNP of Papua New Guinea. One faux-Elton will be voted off each week, until the sole survivor earns the right to shriek 'I'm still staaaanding!'
The talent: The judging panel comprises three celebrities with a close personal connection to the real-life Elton: his life partner David Furnish, his good friend Victoria Beckham, and his florist Rose Honeysuckle.
What’s up for grabs? The victorious trickster will perform for the man himself at Elton's 61st birthday party.*
* For safety reasons the impersonator will be separated from his idol by an inch-thick perspex screen, which has been specially designed not to shatter when impacted by a stroppily-thrown glass vase.
The slogan: Your chance to sing in perfect poofy harmony.
The premise: Jonathan Ross' house band is on the hunt for a brand new - tee hee hee! - member. Contestants will be subjected to a rigorous and demanding audition process, being judged on their sashaying skills, their penchant for 'camping up' well-known pop classics and, of course, their ability to make the most of everything that their mouths and throats have to offer.
The talent:The four poofs themselves will put the contestants through their paces, while Jonathan Ross will serve as MC at the glitter-drenched live final.
What’s up for grabs? The winner will earn a permanent place in the group, making his debut by trilling Prince's 'Baby, I'm A Star' on the first Friday Night With Jonathan Ross of 2008.
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