"You're driving me to insanity," Charlotte Church once claimed. "All the things you do, they make me come unglued." Chazza managed to get a handle on her head-spinning romantic liaison, settling down to a life of domestic bliss in the Cardiff suburbs, but not everyone's as lucky. If you're feeling a bit crazy in love at the moment, we've got some advice for you: put that man to the back of your head, keep away from his Facebook profile and focus all your energy on Gay Spy’s seven-day guide to fun and frolics. That way, you'll never, ever have to screech to the world about needing "professional heeeeeeeeelp".
MondayWhat's happening? E4 takes us back to The Simple Life at 11pm.
Why should you care? These days the rich-chicks-turn-hick reality show is more contrived that Sharon Osbourne's X Factor persona, but Paris and Nicole are still capable of raising the odd titter.
What's happening? London's Yoganu hosts a very special yoga class for men.
Why should you care? This flexibility lesson is for guys who "want to integrate their sexual energy into their spiritual development", apparently. We're not entirely sure what that means, but we thoroughly approve of the class' other selling point: everybody taking part is completely starkers.
What's happening? London's Studio LaDanza invites us to a Gay Strictly Come Dancing lesson.
Why should you care? You'll be able to sharpen your samba, perfect your polka and tighten up your tango – just like the celebs on the telly. Best of all? Kate Bloody Garraway won't be anywhere in sight.
What's happening? MTV One screens the European Music Awards live at 9pm.
Why should you care? With performances from Mika, Nicole Scherzinger and Avril Lavigne - not to mention appearances from Joss Stone, Michael Stipe and… err… Boris Becker - this gong-fest should satiate your appetite for all things glamorous and glittery.
What's happening? The Tudors continues at 9pm on BBC Two.
Why should you care? Jonathan Rhys Meyers – a former recipient of Gay Spy's much-prized 'Something Nice To Look At' accolade – gets friskier each week in this (supposedly) historical drama series. Who cares if titillation takes precedence over factual accuracy?
What's happening? McFly perform a greatest hits show at London's G-A-Y club night.
Why should you care? When the guitar-wielding cheeky chappies took to the stage at the Astoria last summer, they ended their set by whipping their kit off for the lads. Don't you want to see if they'll do it again?
What's happening? Calvin Harris begins a 16-date UK and Ireland tour at Nottingham's Rock City.
Why should you care? To be honest, this intimate theatre tour is the closest any of us will get to merrymaking at Calvin's place. Sob!
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