Movies
As if charging an extortionate fee just for a skanky roadkill hotdog and syrupy carbonated beverage wasn't bad enough, cinemas across the globe have harboured some real atrocities of the big screen in 2007. 'Nam style flashbacks flicker into the mind when remembering how gratingly bad some of these films were. So here are all the 1 star travesties, named and shamed for your perusal.
Cinematic Crime Of The Year
Mr Bean's Holiday
Has there every been a more painful, torturous experience in the cinema? If Guantanamo Bay has a multiplex for detainees then this mess will be showing in every screen on an endless loop. No jokes, repeated gurning and a sinister child abduction plot heap shame on all those involved in this fiasco. It's hard to believe that the nation once loved Mr Bean's madcap antics, but Rowan Atkinson once had decent scripts to work with.
Other Notable Duds Of 2007
Captivity
An abysmal attempt at a horror movie that seeks to entertain through graphic scenes of mutilation - but without the framework of a coherent or engaging narrative. It's exploitational 'torture porn' that's made far worse by Elisha Cuthbert not even taking her clothes off. She sheds her dignity instead by agreeing to star in this woeful waste of celluloid.
Sleuth
Not even a virtuoso performance from Sir Michael Caine can save this baffling mess, which tries hard to be clever but succeeds in generating tedium instead. What were the esteemed likes of Kenneth Branagh and Harold Pinter thinking?
Die Hard 4.0
Snazzy effects and a contemporary premise couldn't save Bruce Willis' legendary cop John McClane from firing blanks in this dull, personality-free clanger. The cracking one-liners and thrills from the previous Die Hards have disappeared alongside McClane's hair and white vest.
Sicko
Leaving a very bad taste in the mouth, Michael Moore's look at the US health system comes across as a wildly biased, exploitational documentary that serves to feed the filmmaker's ego. His blinkered take on the British NHS is jaw-droppingly contrived.
Shrooms
Dumb, generic teens are picked off by a crazed killer in this abhorrent tripe of a film. Full of horrendous dialogue, unbelievable characters and a narrative full of disjointed sequences that seem to have been randomly 'cut and pasted' into a script, Shrooms makes for a really bad trip to the cinema.
If you're feeling a tad depressed about the state of modern cinema, then we advise you to read our Best Of 2007 feature to cheer yourself up!
Has there every been a more painful, torturous experience in the cinema? If Guantanamo Bay has a multiplex for detainees then this mess will be showing in every screen on an endless loop. No jokes, repeated gurning and a sinister child abduction plot heap shame on all those involved in this fiasco. It's hard to believe that the nation once loved Mr Bean's madcap antics, but Rowan Atkinson once had decent scripts to work with.
Captivity
An abysmal attempt at a horror movie that seeks to entertain through graphic scenes of mutilation - but without the framework of a coherent or engaging narrative. It's exploitational 'torture porn' that's made far worse by Elisha Cuthbert not even taking her clothes off. She sheds her dignity instead by agreeing to star in this woeful waste of celluloid.
Sleuth
Not even a virtuoso performance from Sir Michael Caine can save this baffling mess, which tries hard to be clever but succeeds in generating tedium instead. What were the esteemed likes of Kenneth Branagh and Harold Pinter thinking?
Die Hard 4.0
Snazzy effects and a contemporary premise couldn't save Bruce Willis' legendary cop John McClane from firing blanks in this dull, personality-free clanger. The cracking one-liners and thrills from the previous Die Hards have disappeared alongside McClane's hair and white vest.
Sicko
Leaving a very bad taste in the mouth, Michael Moore's look at the US health system comes across as a wildly biased, exploitational documentary that serves to feed the filmmaker's ego. His blinkered take on the British NHS is jaw-droppingly contrived.
Shrooms
Dumb, generic teens are picked off by a crazed killer in this abhorrent tripe of a film. Full of horrendous dialogue, unbelievable characters and a narrative full of disjointed sequences that seem to have been randomly 'cut and pasted' into a script, Shrooms makes for a really bad trip to the cinema.
If you're feeling a tad depressed about the state of modern cinema, then we advise you to read our Best Of 2007 feature to cheer yourself up!
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