Jonas Brothers 3D

Director: Bruce Hendricks
Starring: Kevin Jonas, Joe Jonas, Nick Jonas (press conference), Robert 'Big Rob' Feggans
Running time: 76 mins
Certificate: U

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience claims to be a behind-the-scenes account of the pop trio's 2008 'Burning Up' tour. In reality, it's a trite cash-in designed to empty pockets, lazily slapped together with concert footage and phoney fly-on-the-wall snippets. The siblings storm through a set comprised of flashing lights, questionable foam and their slimline pop-rock back catalogue. The bulk of the action takes place in New York as the band, and their trusty head of security Robert 'Big Rob' Feggans, prepare for a sell-out gig at Madison Square Gardens.

There is one flicker of delight in this unbearable film. It happens during a musical number where the Jonases down guitars and turn foam cannons on their adoring crowd. The subsequent cutaway, showing a group of young female fans covered in white goo, hilariously encapsulates all the desires and fantasies these teen girls have about the virginal trio. It's either brilliantly subversive or Disney and director Bruce Hendricks showing a complete lack of self-awareness. Judging by the rest of this awful movie, let's assume the latter. It's difficult to judge the Jonases' star quality since they're overwhelmed by lavish pyrotechnics, but they find themselves upstaged by country singer Taylor Swift, who pops up to give a charismatic rendition of a song that at least feels like it's been created by a musician and not a filthy rich record exec.

Taking inspiration from Richard Lester's lively Beatles mock-doc A Hard Day's Night, Hendricks fills the space between musical numbers with clips of fans losing it. The opening sequence even tips the hat/rips off the start of Lester's film, showing the Jonases being pursued by the type of crazy fan that chased down John, Paul, George and Ringo some three decades earlier. The connection between the Liverpool band and the Jonases is one this movie insists on making - later, there's a glimpse of a news segment suggesting that the two groups are cut from the same musical cloth. The only thing the Jonas Brothers and Beatles have in common is the hysteria they create; dim down the screaming and what's left is one of the greatest bands of all time and a hideously bland pop outfit who are placeholding until someone more marketable is unearthed. Disney's audacity in making these Beatles/Jonas comparisons is infuriating.

Jonas Brothers 3-D is a formless mess. Barely a movie at 76 minutes, it feels like it's been padded out (one scene consists only of Kevin and Joe taking off their shirts) and its premise stretched wafer thin. The most intriguing thing about the Jonas phenomenon is their slightly unhinged followers. There's an interesting story to be told about the girls who sleep outside venues for 72 hours to see their idols - many of them probably just a couple of years away from looking back on their fanaticism with embarrassment. Hendricks doesn't question this obsession in any detail, or the three seedy guys who dress up as the 'Fake Jonas Brothers'; instead he oversees a safe, factory line Disney product. At least Hannah Montana had a modicum of integrity, craft and a magnetic actress at the centre - Jonas 3D is an experience not worth repeating.


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