The Book Of Eli

Barely two weeks into 2010 and we already have a contender for the worst film of the decade. Making The Postman look like a triumph of post-apocalyptic cinema, The Book Of Eli is a bloated, uninvolving mess that squanders a talented cast by trying to construct a procession of striking imagery instead. It's a hugely laboured affair and lacking anything to engage the little grey cells.

Denzel Washington stars as Eli, a loner who survives on a diet of vermin and trudges around a ravaged America clutching a rare Bible that gives him hope and salvation. Along the way, he encounters various one-dimensional bandits who appear to have walked straight out of Mad Max. Gary Oldman's psychotic Carnegie discovers that Eli has the book he so craves, so without the option of ordering it on Amazon he dispatches his henchmen to retrieve the sacred scripture at all costs.

Throughout The Book Of Eli, directors Albert and Allen Hughes opt to slow down the perpetually sagging storyline by resorting to pointless slow-mo and roving camerawork that looked cool in The Matrix but feels very tired now. They undoubtedly have some visual flair, as shown by an early fight scene depicted in silhouette, but prioritizing such superficial elements makes their attempts to convey the earnest, faith-related themes of the narrative feel even more pompous.

As the movie drags on, continually eschewing character development in favour of a self-important sense of mystery, plenty of unintentional laughs creep in. As Solara, the plucky prostitute who tags along with Eli, Mila Kunis veers between two facial expressions (shock and relief) and appears to be reading the dialogue from cue cards such is the wooden nature of her delivery. You can see more convincing portrayals of a damsel in distress by watching a '70s porn flick (apparently). It's also amusing how Solara, in a world where the survivors have to scavenge for items of clothing and water is a rare commodity, is constantly wearing full and immaculate make-up. Maybe Eli has some kind of portable mini-salon in that rucksack he drags along with him?

Gary Oldman, complete with a limp and hip flask, appears to be spoofing the psycho role he played in the masterful Leon. He simply serves to be The Bad Guy and hams it up with panache, as do Michael Gambon, Malcolm McDowell and Frances De La Tour in brief cameo roles. This trio of British thesps all provide a few chuckles in their quirky roles, which feel like outtakes from The League Of Gentlemen and are utterly incongruous with the surrounding material in the movie. As for Washington, it's hard not to feel sorry for him as he plays the solemn, resolute Eli perfectly well, but deserves a better vehicle for an actor of his calibre.

The one overly positive note to be found in this abomination comes from the impressive synthesized soundtrack, which has echoes of Vangelis and tries to lend proceedings a bleak yet grandiose air. Doing for Christianity what Battlefield Earth did for Scientology, The Book Of Eli is an ill-conceived, preachy leaden dud that's painfully pretentious and deserves to limp off the cinema screens in a mercifully swift time. Avoid.


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