Celine Dion: 'Alone'

In April last year Sony BMG gave us the shocking announcement that Celine Dion had sold more than 200 million albums worldwide - a fact as astonishing as it is worrying. Even if every single person in the UK bought the new Kooks album three times each, it wouldn't sell that amount. Dion's inexplicable sales record begs the age old question: does quantity equate to quality? The answer: a resounding no!

As Westlife have proved countless times over, you may be able to top the charts with your flaccid old power ballad, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's any good. 'Alone' - Dion's cover of Heart's eighties chart-topper - induces so many cringes that you'll need a dozen Botox jabs to clear the wrinkles from your face after listening to it. With horrendous lyrics that sound like they were nicked from a Hallmark Valentine's Day card ("But the secret is still my own, and my love for you is still unknown... alone") and Dion showing off her spine-chilling holler in all its terrifying glory, this track is the aural equivalent of a train wreck. Even if she sells another 200 million records, it won't justify this charmless monstrosity.