Scooch: 'Flying The Flag (For You)'

Is this a dream? Or, more accurately, a nightmare? Scooch, the proud owners of one top ten hit from 2000 - it was 'More Than I Needed To Know', fact fans - have reformed to represent us at this month's Eurovision Song Contest. They've popped on some trolley dolly outfits, shot a video that makes 'Club Tropicana' look like an RAF recruitment ad and recorded what seems to be a leftover from a Steps session circa '5,6,7,8'.

'Flying The Flag (For You)' sounds as though it was recorded almost exclusively on a slightly temperamental casio keyboard: all joyless beats and tinny electro blips. Its lyrics offer a stream of double entendres as subtle as a chat-up line from an Amsterdam window-dancer - "Would you something to suck on for landing sir?" - and the chorus is mindnumbingly crass. Scooch might think that this single is kitsch, camp and just a bit of fun, but they're wrong. This sort of thing is harmful to the future of pop music.