Fergie: 'Clumsy'

It's well over a year since the abomination that was 'London Bridge' came tumbling out of the musical mystery that is Fergie. A year on and three further singles down the line, we're no surer as to what the Black Eyed Peas popstress is really any good for. She's tried crooning, ballads and sauce-box R'n'B but she's mastered none of the above. She doesn't have the diva-glam of a J.Lo or the voice of a Christina. And she certainly doesn't have the car-crash lifestyle of a Britney 'baldy' Spears. Yet somehow, she keeps creeping through the net and sticking singles out that score higher in the charts than they have any bleedin' right too.

'Clumsy', as now seems like a Fergie tradition, is nothing like any of her previous singles. Much like Gwen Stefani, she seems intent on genre-hopping and bandwagon-jumping - sometimes she even manages to do it mid-song, slipping into a weird, uncomfortable and unpleasant acapella breakdown halfway through. There's clearly some attention deficit disorder going on somewhere. It bears a (rather shockingly) striking resemblance to the Tweet's 2002 single 'Oops (Oh My)' and is based around a Gameboy-style, Tetris-esque, bleeping beat. Fergie does some rather predictable and unsexy mumbling over the top. We think it's about having 'Clumsy' sex but we haven't listened too hard. Flatter than a pancake that's been sat on by the cast of Celebrity Fit Club, this tune's a proper stinker.