Soulja Boy: 'Crank That (Soulja Boy)'

Now, here's a tale of preternatural musical ability to have us all dribbling in anticipation. A teenage rap prodigy nabs himself a record deal with Interscope off the back of an independently-released album, writes and produces his major label debut himself, then scores a US number one with its lead single. 'Crank That (Soulja Boy)' should be the rap record of the year, right?

Wrong. Soulja Boy's UK debut is a mind-numbingly tedious pop-rap single: three minutes and 45 seconds of inane hollering over a simple steel drum melody, some nifty hi-hat and a finger-click beat. It uses up all its musical ideas within its opening bars, relying on crotch-tugging posturing ("Then watch me crank dat robocop, super-fresh now watch me jock") to carry it to its climax. Crank that? Nah, just turn it down mate.