Cheeky Girls: 'The Farmyard Hokey'

Five years after 'The Cheeky Song (Touch My Bum)', the Cheeky Girls are still taking up space on the release slates. Credit where credit's due – that's a decent shelf life for any pop group, let alone a Transylvanian novelty duo who emerged from the wastelands of pre-X Factor reality TV. To put Gabriela and Monica's achievement in context, the time span between Hear'Say's first and last single comprised a mere 15 months.

Thankfully, 'The Farmyard Hokey' isn't so much the final nail in the Cheeky coffin as the cold, bony finger pushing the 'BURN!' button at the Pointless Popstars Crematorium. A bewildering melange of the 'Hokey Cokey' and The Archers' sound effects library (Moo! Baa! Oink! and the rest), with an atonal lead vocal provided by Lorena, the gormless pair's eight-year-old niece, its musical merits are as extensive as John McCririck's social skills. The only consolation? Imagining that Lembit Opik might have to listen to this when he arrives home from the House of Commons of an evening.