Wet Wet Wet: 'Weightless'

Every year on The X Factor, some quivering fat bloke who's been working the club circuit for 20 years is given a last-ditch shot at fame. Sharon Osbourne licks her lips and tells him he's fabulous, while Louis Walsh jiggles in his chair and squeals "I like it!" But then old grumpy-drawers Simon Cowell goes and ruins it all by comparing him to an act from a hotel waiting room or Butlins holiday camp. If you've ever wondered what said act would sound like, look no further than the new Wet Wet Wet single.

If Simply Red's last album didn't quench your thirst for wilting lounge-jazz, 'Weightless' should keep you topped up for a couple of weeks. To describe the tune as 'meandering' would be an understatement, while branding it 'dull' would be a bit generous. In their '90s pomp, at least, the Wet released tunes that could inspire a boorish, drunken sing-a-long at a wedding disco. With 'Weightless' they've been reduced to knocking out paper-thin, decrepit, vacuous white soul that should have been banished back in the '80s. It's so dreadful, in fact, that by the end you'll be begging for a reissue of 'Love Is All Around'.