Believe it or not, but this is the eleventh week that we've taken it upon ourselves to send birthday presents to celebrities. During this time our thoughtfulness has been boundless, our generosity has shamed Bill Gates' charitable foundation and our dedication to the task has bordered on the maniacal. But, we hear you cry, what's in it for us? Well, we're driven solely by altruism, thank you very much, but we do like to remind ourselves that the Nobel Peace Prize is only a matter of time.

Declan Donnelly

How many candles? Ant’s best mate turns 32 on Tuesday.

DS' birthday present: Now that Dec's traversing the ocean to maintain a transatlantic TV career, shouldn't he be joining Simon Cowell in the private jet club? Because we know which side our bread's buttered, we've made sure it's a two-seater.

Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones

How many candles? One half of Hollywood's golden couple celebrates her 38th birthday on Tuesday; the other turns 63 on the very same day!

DS' birthday present: We've pledged to clean the high-achieving pair's Oscar statuettes every day for the next year. Catherine, love, you just need to send us your front door keys…

Anne Robinson

How many candles? The queen of cutting quips turns 63 on Wednesday.

DS' birthday present: Anne's been looking very fresh-faced recently – it must be thanks to a healthy diet and plenty of exercise! To help maintain her glowing complexion, we've treated her to a year's gym membership and a hamper of organic veggies.

Avril Lavigne

How many candles? The stroppy pop brat celebrates her 23rd birthday on Thursday.

DS' birthday present: Avril wants to launch a film career, so we’ve arranged for her to attend an acting class with three other popstars who went on to light up the silver screen. Phew! It hasn't been easy trying to get Madonna, Mariah and Britney in the same room, you know.

Keisha Buchanan

How many candles? The longest-serving Sugababe turns 23 on Sunday.

DS' birthday present: Keisha must be missing her old pop colleagues, so we've arranged a secret reunion meal with departed Sugababes Mutya and Siobhan. What's more, the police folk of our fine nation need not worry, for a trio of 30-stone bodyguards will be on hand at all times.