When it comes to getting off their pampered bottoms and actually doing some bloody work for a change, celebrities have always preferred to keep it in the family. Joan Rivers and her daughter Melissa team up to expose the stars’ red carpet fashion faux pas. Davina McCall likes to phone her 'mum' to tell her about her fabulous new hair colour. Kelly Osbourne informs us she's going through "chaaaaaaanges" with daddy dearest in tow. But the latest family business in celebworld is rather less wholesome. Keith Allen – actor, comedian, creator of Fat Les - claims he used his daughter, gobby popstrel Lily, to lure potential customers at Glastonbury. "I didn't see what was wrong with taking [her] along with me as a sales tool rather like the homeless lads do with dogs," he insists. But what was he selling? Well, we'll put it this way: seeing as his target market comprised 100,000 thrill-seeking festival-goers, it probably wasn't jelly tots.

10. Kylie Minogue
The Aussie pop rocket gets our two feet tapping together – woo! – with her glamtastic comeback single.

9. Eric Clapton
The king of dadrock admits that he used to be a shoplifter. Hmm. Something tells us he hasn't always been known as 'Slowhand'.

8. Michelle Pfeiffer
The Hollywood glamourpuss reckons she doesn't make as much effort with her appearance these days. Eek. If that's letting yourself go, what hope is there for the rest of us?

7. Isaac Hanson
The eldest Hanson is recovering nicely after undergoing surgery to remove multiple blood cots. Get well soon, Isaac!

6. Nico Marallegro
At last, Hollyoaks gets its first emo!

5. Jonathan Ross
The Friday Night smut-peddler shaves off his beard because he doesn’t want to look like a "bad George Michael". A very wise move, Jonathan, especially as you live in Hampstead.

4. Nigella Lawson
The queen of coquettish cookery says she loves men with hairy backs. Well, if you're ever in need of date, Nige, we know a few guys you can call.

3. Icaro Taborda
He flirts outrageously with Sharon and admits to eating his wife's placenta, but still the X Factor fruit-loop can't win a place in the final 12.

2. Melanie C
Scouse Spice reckons she can boost her bra size – but avoid putting on weight anywhere else – by eating special Japanese cookies. Aha! Is this how Posh perfected her figure?

1. Keith & Lily Allen
No guys, we don’t want any "gear", thank you very much.