The shops may be packed at this time of year but that didn't stop us pulling on our bobble hats and mittens in pursuit of presents for our beloved celebs. We queued all night outside our favourite stores, elbowed frantic mums out of the way in supermarket aisles and bribed more than one pimply-faced shop assistant to get our paws on the goods. Readers, it was exhausting! Now we don't expect to be worshipped for our trouble, but we can't help feeling that a little gratitude wouldn't go amiss. If we don't receive at least a hastily-penned thank you note from our birthday boys and girls, it'll be home-made origami frogs and papier-mâché ornaments from here on in. Celebrities, you have been warned!

Katie Holmes

How many candles? Tom Cruise's leading lady turns 29 on Tuesday.

DS' birthday present: We're sure Katie must be secretly gagging to escape those pesky Scientology minders and nab a few hours of peace. So we hired a body double, engineered a Mission Impossible-style switch and set her free for a whole afternoon. Run for the hills, Katie!

Samuel L Jackson

How many candles? The follicly-challenged thesp is 59 on Friday.

DS' birthday present: We happen to know that Sam's a fully-fledged member of the 'Bald Hall of Fame' and loves wearing wacky wigs. To that end, we kindly arranged to let him loose in Phil Spector's rug collection for a couple of hours. We imagine that frizzy number will look just splendid!

Kiefer Sutherland

How many candles? Jack Bauer's alter-ego enters his 41st year on Friday.

DS' birthday present: We thought about hiring Michael Scofield to bust Kiefer out of the slammer for his big day, but then we reminded ourselves that Prison Break is not actually real. So we buried a hacksaw in a big, gooey cake and left him to do the honours himself. Right now it's your only option, Kiefer!

Tara Palmer-Tomkinson

How many candles? The IT girl-turned-TV presenter is 36 on Sunday.

DS' birthday present: We're sure poor TPT must be suffering acute withdrawal symptoms now that she's shunned her party-girl ways. So we've sent her an embossed invitation to our very own DS Christmas party where she can quoff beer and pull crackers to her heart's content. Just don't expect us to carry you home, m'lady!

Jodie Marsh

How many candles? The Essex glamour girl also turns 29 on Sunday.

DS' birthday present: Since Jodie's marriage has collapsed after just three months, it's back to the drawing board in her search for a man. So we've nabbed her a subscription to MailOrderHusbands.Net where she can find her ideal match without even leaving the house. Happy surfing, Jodie!