Maybe it's because of Valentine's Day, but our favourite stars seem incredibly horny this week. One ageing female celeb wants to be "swept off her feet", another admits to being "desperate" for a man, while yet another laments the fact that men never chat her up. Meanwhile, Jack Nicholson criticises the lack of "middle-aged sex" on screen. Hmm. Can anyone think of a way to solve all their dilemmas?

10. Cher
Don't worry, Cher, we'll chat you up next time we see you in Wetherspoon's.

9. Amy Winehouse
Congratulations, Amy! You really made us proud at the Grammys.

8. Anne Robinson
The wicked witch of the Weakest Link says she's "desperate" for a man. Only those with self-esteem issues need apply.

7. Paris Hilton
Now available in doll form, believe it or not.

6. Prince William
The heir to the throne is questioned by police... after witnessing an assault. Phew!

5. Kylie
Is she really giving up the hotpants? Say it ain't so, Kylie, say it ain't so!

4. John Barrowman
The more he talks, the filthier he gets. Isn't it about time he got his own (late-night) show?

3. Robbie Williams
Apparently he's furious that Paris Hilton's moved into his street. Cheer up, Rob - it could have been Gary Barlow.

2. Dolly Parton
A back injury forces the queen of country to cancel her US tour. Hmm. How on earth could she have sustained it?

1. Vanessa Feltz
Old motor-mouth says she wants to be "swept her off her feet". Any takers?