You'd think it impossible when surrounded with so much luxury to have a bad time, but sadly for some celebs their visit to the showcase was a right pain in the derrière, as the French call it. As the 66th festival kicked off last night (May 15) with a gloomy, rain-lashed premiere of The Great Gatsby, we take a moment to remember the stars who came home crying from Cannes.
Jack Black, Dustin Hoffman out details of Angelina Jolie's pregnancy
Despite being one of the most well-known women in the world, Angelina Jolie is fiercely private when it comes to matters of health and family. The world only discovered about her brave decision to have a double mastectomy when she announced it in a moving essay this week intended to raise awareness of the cancer gene BRCA1. And when she gave birth to her first child with Brad Pitt, she flew all the way to Namibia to escape the prying eyes of the press.
So we can't imagine she was too thrilled when at the 2008 festival her Kung Fu Panda co-star Jack Black casually let slip to reporters that a heavily-pregnant Jolie was expecting twins, before their colleague Dustin Hoffman announced her apparent due date. Jolie's laughing with Black in this video where all is revealed, but we're confident she gave him a Lara Croft-style ass-kicking afterwards.
Pamela Anderson gets booed by paps
Movies getting booed at Cannes is a regular occurrence, but celebrities? Not so much. So imagine Pamela Anderson's surprise when at the 2007 festival she found herself being jeered by the paparazzi, a group of people who are not known for being sensitive and flappable.
We reckon her turning up two hours late to the photocall and only sticking around for a couple of shots might have been the problem, though we can't rule out that people were pissed at her boasting about being in a film called Blonde and Blonder. Pammy complained afterwards that the paps were in "a frenzy" and she objected to being "prodded through like cattle", even though we're sure she's had more demeaning experiences than that.
Kanye West gets snapped looking down Kim Kardashian's dress, presumably gets a slap
Now, fellas, let us be clear - there's nothing wrong with a cheeky glance down at your missus every now and again. The real sin is getting caught, just as Kanye West did when his eyes drifted on the red carpet last year next to girlfriend Kim Kardashian.
And there was no way he could protest that he had merely spotted something interesting on the ground, or make up another silly excuse like that. Where there is a Kardashian, a camera is sure to be close by, and his gawping was immortalised by the masses of paps for Kim to see. We're not sure exactly what repercussions Kanye faced, but at best he had (another) global embarrassment as the snap spread from publisher to publisher and at worst there was an enraged Kardashian to deal with.
Kelly Brook gets an unflattering proposition
To the best of our knowledge, there was no screening of 1993 Demi Moore classic Indecent Proposal at last year's Cannes Film Festival, so we have no idea where some hopeless romantic named Frederic got the idea to invade a photocall and confront Kelly Brook with a €1,000,000 cheque in exchange for one night of luvvin'.
The model was out promoting Keith Lemon: The Film and initially thought the exchange was a prank organised by the ginger one himself. It says something about how bizarre and upsetting the situation was that it could have feasibly come from the mind of the man who dreams up deranged garbage like 'Scotch Egg Club'.
Penelope Cruz eats something dodgy
Let's face it, Cannes is basically Crufts for actors... they trot out, pose, and are then awarded symbolic prizes for being the best groomed. Normally Penelope Cruz would be a serious contender for any kind of 'look at this hottie' trophy dished by the press, but even the Spanish siren would struggle to make chucking up on the red carpet look sexy.
The Oscar winner missed a presentation for the Nine trailer in 2009 after she was struck by "some sort of food poisoning", which is something we'd expect from a late night kebab but not the gourmet dishes surely served at Cannes. We also love that Nine's producer Harvey Weinstein told press straight up that one of the most glamorous women in the world was currently hunched over a toilet, rather than make up an excuse that would save Cruz from being sniggered at.
Elton John gets irritated by the paps, wants to shoot them
Elton John has been well established as an irritable little man, but you'd think that in the beautiful surroundings of Cannes he'd be able to relax a little bit more. Nope, the ole Rocket Man couldn't even keep some decorum during possibly the most sophisticated event on earth, lashing out at the paps while presenting an award to Transamerica actor Kevin Zegers in 2006.
Elton's blood began to boil when a bunch of "f**kwit photographers" started calling out to him as he was making a speech. While we admit this might be quite annoying, was there really any need to declare that the paparazzi "should be all shot"? Like, all of them? Dead? We can imagine him chewing David Furnish's ear off about the incident for the rest of the damn festival, instead of... you know... enjoying it.
P Diddy ruins Beyoncé's romantic break with Jay-Z
Beyoncé had been married to Jay-Z for little more than a month when the pair stepped out at Cannes in 2008, so it's understandable that she'd want to spend a little quality time with her new hubby in the splendour of the French Riviera once the camera flashes subsided. Enter P Diddy, the third wheel from hell, who reportedly lured the rapper away from Beyoncé's makeshift honeymoon to hang out.
"Beyoncé's usually so mild-mannered but she was rolling her eyes as Diddy kept dragging her man off to party," said an insider at a bash thrown by the couple that the former Mr Puff Daddy gatecrashed.
"She tried to win her hubby back by dancing up close to him, but Diddy pulled him on stage and made him watch his raucous rendition of 'New York, New York'." If Beyoncé had been planning a fairytale romance for the film festival, no doubt she was horrified to see it turn into You, Me and Dupree.
Clive Owen gets trapped in a lift
Being Clive Owen and getting stuck in a lift is possibly one of the most terrifying experiences in life, second only perhaps to getting stuck in a lift with Clive Owen. The Children of Men star was forced to cancel several promo talks for his HBO film Hemingway & Gellhorn when he got trapped with his daughters and others at last year's festival.
Luckily everybody was fine and recovered from the ordeal, which means it's now ok for us to laugh at the idea of him emoting for possibly the first time ever while inside.
Wondering where Lars von Trier is? He's made it to our gallery of the biggest Cannes moments ever: