Well, the stars themselves, apparently (see: Bruce Willis. More on him later.) Still, luckily for us they haven't all quit, so we can still soak up their every sentence. Read on to find out what they've been spouting about and getting up to this week...
Miley Cyrus tips even further into, 'Oh, God, Miley, stop it' territory.
Everyone's been there. We've all had a friend that we've wanted to sit down and give a bit of a talking to. It's just unfortunate that we don't actually have Miley Cyrus on our speed dial and can't tell her that she needs to just, like, stop. We get it, Miley. You're not Hannah Montana. Give us some credit, and stop trying so hard.
We actually think Miley is probably quite a nice young woman, but her latest photoshoot with (who else?) Terry Richardson had us putting our heads in our hands in despair. Look how wild she is, guys! She's smoking and grabbing her crotch and twerking upside down, which isn't even a thing. Screw Disney, yeah? Except this is all a bit desperate and 'look how grown up I am!' for us.
We have to give Miley some credit for calling her album BANGERZ since it's the most entertaining record name for ages, but now she needs to chill out a little bit. No-one still thinks of Selena Gomez or Vanessa Hudgens as Disney girls, and all they had to do was dance around a bit in bikinis in Spring Breakers (yes, yes, we're being facetious). Do what all young popstars always talk about and let your music do the talking. Although, sorry Miles, but 'Party In The USA' is still far better than 'We Can't Stop'. I'm just putting it out there.
Lady Gaga vs Katy Perry - it's war
Two women released songs at around the same time, so obviously it's a war between them. This is stupid - for goodness' sake, the duo didn't even plan to drop their tracks at the same time - but it's also very entertaining for uninvolved bystanders. Who's going to triumph? Gags or K-Pez? Incidentally, our money is on Katy Perry because a) 'Roar' is more fun to say than 'Applause', b) she's not massively over-rated like Gaga can be (let's be honest, 'Applause' ain't anything to write home about, is it?) and c) she named her cat Kitty Purry. We've tried not to be impressed about that last fact, but there's just nothing we can do about it.
Also, Katy Perry doesn't tweet in capitals all the time and announce that she's rush-releasing her single because of a "POP EMERGENCY". So.
Anyway, this whole palaver has been given added excitement because both Gaga and Perry have ended up finding themselves being a little controversy. On Katy's side, it's that she's been a bit plagiarism-y (apparently, her lyric video copied someone else's idea, and 'Roar' is way too similar to Sara Bareilles's 'Brave' - though props to Sara for being supremely unconcerned about the comparisons.) And on Gaga's side, there are accusations that she's urging her fans to buy multiple copies of 'Applause'. Well, if that is her plan, it's not working, given that Katy looks like the chart battle winner so far...
Breaking Bad gets everyone talking. Hopefully not trying crystal meth.
It's not often these days that a television show gets everyone talking, but my goodness, has Breaking Bad managed it. It's into its final eight episodes now, and by all accounts America was glued to the gogglebox on Sunday when it returned from hiatus with a stonker of an episode (chill out, we're not going to give any spoilers away, except to say that it was bloody good.)
Thanks to streaming and word of mouth and so on, Breaking Bad got its highest ever ratings (double its last premiere) - and that's despite the fact that Rihanna couldn't watch because she's still three episodes behind and very upset about it. The Heisenberg fever pitch only continued, with Aaron Paul making an adorable appearance on Reddit, the news that the episode had been dedicated to a teenage fan who passed away, and the emergence of the show recut as a romcom trailer (Jesse <3 Walt forever.)
Then Bryan Cranston went and said he'd be up for playing Lex Luthor in Superman vs Batman. Which is why your internet spontaneously combusted, if you were wondering.
Bruce Willis is bored. (Incidentally, we're bored of Bruce Willis.)
Isn't it strange how an actor can have so much goodwill towards them and then completely and utterly undermine it and their previous body of work? We'd always thought of Brucie as quite a well-loved star, but instead of just grinning and bearing the duller parts of his job for the sake of the public's goodwill, he decided to huff about everything instead. It started with that infamous, horrendous interview a couple of weeks ago, and things have just deteriorated from there.
Not only is Sylvester Stallone calling Bruce out for being "GREEDY AND LAZY" (seriously, $1m a day for The Expendables 3, Bruce, really?) but now Mr Willis has been going on about how he's "bored" of making action movies. I know - it's hard to imagine given how present he seemed in A Good Day To Die Hard. Anyway, when you're complaining that seeing kick-ass explosions in your day-job is all a bit 'so-so', you know you've got yourself into rather a comfortable position. No-one's going to be getting the violins out, are they?
So basically, Bruce, we want to like you. We'll always remember the amazing Friends moment when you pump yourself up for a date with Jen-An with some motivational mirror time. But if you don't stop complaining that your diamond shoes are too tight, it's going to get very old, very fast.
Justin Bieber is - wait for it, wait for it - well-behaved. What?
It's been tough being Bieber lately. There's always someone waiting to criticise (or bring up your monkey). X Factor USA band Emblem3 is mocking you by mimicking your naked pictures. There are even rumours that besties Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez are falling out because of you. Who would want to be the cause of that kind of rift? Even if you can basically ignore all the drama and go on a dinner date with a model?
Well, there's always something that can be done, and this week it seems that Justin's been on a bit of a mission to 'make over his public image'. It started with reports that he'd broken a record for the Make-A-Wish foundation, and was rounded off nicely when he gave some money to a homeless woman. Let's ignore the fact that his charity in the second instance was recorded in an image posted to his own Instagram page, showing him leaning out of his fancy sports car to hand over a token piece of change to a woman whose identity has now been seen by millions of Beliebers, and that he accompanied it with the preachy caption: "Always give back." I'm sure Justin didn't have any tiny weeny little piece of self-interest here. Right?
- Amanda Seyfried is dating Justin Long. A Mean Girls star with a New Girl star.
- Nina Dobrev isn't in any rush to date again after her split from Ian Somerhalder. Sorry, vampire fans.
- Will Arnett is dating Billy Joel's ex-wife Katie Lee. Which is sweet.
- Lily Collins and Jamie Campbell-Bower are still friends despite their split. They're doing a much better of seeming amicable on the Mortal Instruments press tour than K-Stew and R-Patz did with Twilight, to be fair.
- The Bachelorette's Desiree Hartsock has moved in with her fiancé Chris Siegfried. I guess they won't be having her brother over for dinner any time soon, given that he just spouted off about how she "settled" when she got engaged.
- Mischa Barton has split from boyfriend Sebastian Knapp. Maybe he was just as furious as we were with her dismissal of The O.C. (Rachel Bilson knows where it's at.)
- Jennifer Aniston is not getting secretly married soon. And she's not pregnant, either ("it's just a couple of lbs"). SO QUIT ASKING OKAY.
- Ashley Tisdale is engaged. Sharpay grew up, guys.
- Lea Michele delivered a beautiful tribute to Cory Monteith at the Teen Choice Awards. It's impossible to get through without tearing up. (Also, a trailer for one of Cory's final films has been released, and Glee's boss confirmed that his character Finn will not die from a drug overdose, which is probably for the best).
- The Bachelor star Gia Allemand has passed away at the age of 29. It's terrible news, which caused an outpouring of tributes from other stars of the franchise.
- Sandra Oh is leaving Grey's Anatomy. How can Meredith cope without her person? (How will we?)
- Lindsay Lohan is going from strength to strength. She's looking good, speaking to Oprah, and acting in an HBO comedy. Must be all of that advice from Ben Affleck.
- Keeping Up With the Kardashians is very hard to do. Kim and Kanye were spotted out and about with a covered-over North (and Kanye was smiling and not attacking the photographer, so the pics must have been staged, so we should expect more any time soon); Kourtney has proved Scott Disick is the father of adorable Mason (screw you, lawsuit); Khloe and Lamar are not getting divorced; and President Obama's been dissing them (at least they're in good company - Matt Damon's also been snubbed by the Prez).
- Speaking of the White House, they're fans of Mean Girls and The West Wing. So we can pretty much trust everything they do from now on. Their good judgement has been proved.
- Miguel has been arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence. Tsk tsk.
- Jennifer Lawrence turned 23 this week. She might make us all feel hideously old, but she continues to be awesome in every way. (Take note, Bruce - this is how you complain gracefully about fame.)
- Andy Cohen has refused to host Miss Universe because it's being held in Russia and he feels uncomfortable with the country's stance on homosexuality.
- Real Housewives of New Jersey stars Joe Giudice and Teresa Giudice have pleaded not guilty to fraud. The trial for 'crimes against television' hasn't taken place yet.
- Reese Witherspoon turned down Legally Blonde 3. Reese, you and me are going to have to have a little chat.
- Heidi Fleiss got caught with hundreds of marijuana plants in her back garden. Go hard or go home.
- Soulja Boy got kicked off an aeroplane for refusing to sit down. I know! Soulja Boy! Remember him?
- Stephenie Meyer is bored of Twilight. Now she knows how we feel. And she wrote the damn thing.