Which glitzy, glamorous name does Ulrika(ka ka ka) give her newborn son? Err... Malcolm.
19. Chris Martin
At the end of another demanding day, the Coldplay frontman gets into bed, shuts his eyes and dreams about Westlife.
The R&B super-producer wants to grow his own skin in a test tube. You know, someone's been spending waaaay too much time with Madonna.
17. James McAvoy
The Wanted star says he'd rather "eat dog poo" than go to the gym. Come on Jimmy, it's not that bad!
A panel of pop pundits reckons her version of 'You Shook Me All Night Long' is the worst cover version ever. Ouch.
15. Lee McQueen
Fingers crossed Sir Alan isn't working the new Apprentice champ too hard.
The former Spice Girl is the worst cook ever to appear on The F Word, says Gordon Ramsay.
13. Verne Troyer
The actor who plays Mini Me becomes the latest celeb to star in his own sex tape. Wait... come back! Don't ditch DS for Google!
Congratulations again, guys!
11. Sienna Miller
Never let it be said that Sienna doesn't suffer for her art - she actually burned her boobs while shooting her latest film.
The queen of morning TV receives an unexpected gift live on air... a box of condoms.
9. Peter Andre
Jordan's hubbie reckons he's "so over" pop music. You know, something tells us the feeling's mutual.
The rap mogul says he likes his body smooth all over. (Yes, we do mean all over.)
7. George Michael
The 'Faith' star announces his last ever arena concerts. Say it ain't so, George, say it ain't so!
We wish we could write something witty and a little bit cheeky here, but sadly we're just too scared.
5. Sir Alan Sugar
The next mayor of London?
Getting into scrapes with fans, making allegedly racist videos and stuffing packets of Haribo down her bra - all in a month's work for Amy.
3. Billie Piper
She's worried she's ruined her career by going topless in Call Girl. Au contraire, Billie - you've probably boosted it.
Well, you can't have missed those Emporio Armani underwear shots, can you?
1. Joan Rivers
As far as we're concerned, the outspoken comedienne can say what she wants, when she wants.