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DS Fantasies: The new 'X Factor' panel

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If the tabloid press is to be believed, contract negotiations about who judges this year's X Factor are approaching an end point later this month. Many are tipping Dannii 'iceberg' Minogue for the axe, while Mel B, Lily Allen and Charlotte Church are just a few names linked to taking over.

However, DS has its own ideas about who should be helming the 2009 singing contest. We've chucked out Simon Cowell, told Louis Walsh to spend the autumn at Bette Midler's house and decided to let Cheryl have the year off to make another Girls Aloud record. In their place, we've come up with four famous faces, who we think would make this year's X Factor the most exciting to date.

Kerry Katona
She might be more famous for her fluctuating weight and dodgy Iceland adverts these days, but those with long enough memories may remember her original claim to fame was singing. Who could forget her Atomic Kitten classics 'Right Now' and 'See Ya'? A tabloid dream, at the very least she would generate enough headlines to keep Cowell Towers happy. Plus, if her judging is anything like her famous This Morning ramble, it would make for TV gold as well.

Noel Gallagher
"High School Musical is like drugs", "Lady GaGa makes my teeth hurt", "Mark Ronson ruins songs"; Noel Gallagher is never afraid of sharing his views with the nation, so why not give him the biggest TV stage of all to mouth off on? The Oasis guitarist could fill Simon Cowell's "grumpy judge" slot nicely. We're not sure what he'd make of Brian Friedman's dance routines, but we love the image of Liam, Paul Weller and the guys from Kasabian cheering their bandmate along.

Ozzy Osbourne
Sharon's been there, done that and chucked the glass of water. Kelly has ruled out ever working on one of Simon Cowell's shows. So why not go straight to the great man himself - the Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne. We'd prefer to see Ozzy biting the heads off bats and launching expletive-filled rants at his fellow judges than watch another teary-eyed montage sequence from Dannii or Cheryl any day. We'd also pay some serious cash to see him turn a Eoghan Quigg-esque teeny-bopper into a full on guitar-thrashing, metal-head.

Su Pollard
When we were thinking of someone to replace the cheeky Irish charms of Louis Walsh, we knew that we that we had to look a bit further afield than our other judges. We needed someone kitsch, light-hearted and preferably with appalling music taste. We're not sure if Hi-Di-Hi!'s Su Pollard is a fan of Irish boybands, but other than that she fits the bill to a tee. The Nottingham funnywoman isn't a novice when it comes to music or talent shows either. She famously finished second to a singing Jack Russell on 1974's Opportunity Knocks and even has a number two record to her name called 'Staying Together'. Not even Simon Cowell can claim that!

Who do you think should be on the panel for the next series of X Factor? Would you stick with Dannii? Post your views in the slot below!

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