Showbiz
DS Fantasies: The new 'X Factor' panel
Published Thursday, Mar 12 2009, 06:00 GMT | By Alex Fletcher | 17 comments
If the tabloid press is to be believed, contract negotiations about who judges this year's X Factor are approaching an end point later this month. Many are tipping Dannii 'iceberg' Minogue for the axe, while Mel B, Lily Allen and Charlotte Church are just a few names linked to taking over.
However, DS has its own ideas about who should be helming the 2009 singing contest. We've chucked out Simon Cowell, told Louis Walsh to spend the autumn at Bette Midler's house and decided to let Cheryl have the year off to make another Girls Aloud record. In their place, we've come up with four famous faces, who we think would make this year's X Factor the most exciting to date.
Kerry Katona
She might be more famous for her fluctuating weight and dodgy Iceland adverts these days, but those with long enough memories may remember her original claim to fame was singing. Who could forget her Atomic Kitten classics 'Right Now' and 'See Ya'? A tabloid dream, at the very least she would generate enough headlines to keep Cowell Towers happy. Plus, if her judging is anything like her famous This Morning ramble, it would make for TV gold as well.
Noel Gallagher
"High School Musical is like drugs", "Lady GaGa makes my teeth hurt", "Mark Ronson ruins songs"; Noel Gallagher is never afraid of sharing his views with the nation, so why not give him the biggest TV stage of all to mouth off on? The Oasis guitarist could fill Simon Cowell's "grumpy judge" slot nicely. We're not sure what he'd make of Brian Friedman's dance routines, but we love the image of Liam, Paul Weller and the guys from Kasabian cheering their bandmate along.
Ozzy Osbourne
Sharon's been there, done that and chucked the glass of water. Kelly has ruled out ever working on one of Simon Cowell's shows. So why not go straight to the great man himself - the Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne. We'd prefer to see Ozzy biting the heads off bats and launching expletive-filled rants at his fellow judges than watch another teary-eyed montage sequence from Dannii or Cheryl any day. We'd also pay some serious cash to see him turn a Eoghan Quigg-esque teeny-bopper into a full on guitar-thrashing, metal-head.
Su Pollard
When we were thinking of someone to replace the cheeky Irish charms of Louis Walsh, we knew that we that we had to look a bit further afield than our other judges. We needed someone kitsch, light-hearted and preferably with appalling music taste. We're not sure if Hi-Di-Hi!'s Su Pollard is a fan of Irish boybands, but other than that she fits the bill to a tee. The Nottingham funnywoman isn't a novice when it comes to music or talent shows either. She famously finished second to a singing Jack Russell on 1974's Opportunity Knocks and even has a number two record to her name called 'Staying Together'. Not even Simon Cowell can claim that!
Who do you think should be on the panel for the next series of X Factor? Would you stick with Dannii? Post your views in the slot below!
However, DS has its own ideas about who should be helming the 2009 singing contest. We've chucked out Simon Cowell, told Louis Walsh to spend the autumn at Bette Midler's house and decided to let Cheryl have the year off to make another Girls Aloud record. In their place, we've come up with four famous faces, who we think would make this year's X Factor the most exciting to date.
She might be more famous for her fluctuating weight and dodgy Iceland adverts these days, but those with long enough memories may remember her original claim to fame was singing. Who could forget her Atomic Kitten classics 'Right Now' and 'See Ya'? A tabloid dream, at the very least she would generate enough headlines to keep Cowell Towers happy. Plus, if her judging is anything like her famous This Morning ramble, it would make for TV gold as well.
"High School Musical is like drugs", "Lady GaGa makes my teeth hurt", "Mark Ronson ruins songs"; Noel Gallagher is never afraid of sharing his views with the nation, so why not give him the biggest TV stage of all to mouth off on? The Oasis guitarist could fill Simon Cowell's "grumpy judge" slot nicely. We're not sure what he'd make of Brian Friedman's dance routines, but we love the image of Liam, Paul Weller and the guys from Kasabian cheering their bandmate along.
Sharon's been there, done that and chucked the glass of water. Kelly has ruled out ever working on one of Simon Cowell's shows. So why not go straight to the great man himself - the Prince of Darkness Ozzy Osbourne. We'd prefer to see Ozzy biting the heads off bats and launching expletive-filled rants at his fellow judges than watch another teary-eyed montage sequence from Dannii or Cheryl any day. We'd also pay some serious cash to see him turn a Eoghan Quigg-esque teeny-bopper into a full on guitar-thrashing, metal-head.
When we were thinking of someone to replace the cheeky Irish charms of Louis Walsh, we knew that we that we had to look a bit further afield than our other judges. We needed someone kitsch, light-hearted and preferably with appalling music taste. We're not sure if Hi-Di-Hi!'s Su Pollard is a fan of Irish boybands, but other than that she fits the bill to a tee. The Nottingham funnywoman isn't a novice when it comes to music or talent shows either. She famously finished second to a singing Jack Russell on 1974's Opportunity Knocks and even has a number two record to her name called 'Staying Together'. Not even Simon Cowell can claim that!
Who do you think should be on the panel for the next series of X Factor? Would you stick with Dannii? Post your views in the slot below!
Your Views
17 Comments
Your Responses
Vanessa, Reading, on March 13th, 2009
Bring Paula Abdul back!!
Bring Paula Abdul back!!
Matt, Uxbridge, on March 13th, 2009
I'm with Pollard all the way!!!
I'm with Pollard all the way!!!
jon, dundee, on March 12th, 2009
keep dannii bring on kylie as a new judge get rid for that girls aloud t**t
keep dannii bring on kylie as a new judge get rid for that girls aloud t**t
dougie, dundee, on March 12th, 2009
i think dannii should stay she is great, it would be even better if kylie was a judge then they both could pick on simon think he would love that 3some
i think dannii should stay she is great, it would be even better if kylie was a judge then they both could pick on simon think he would love that 3some
Charlie Sheffield, on March 12th, 2009
Keep Dannii she is sweet and doesn't get the recognition she deserves. She always gives good criticism too
Keep Dannii she is sweet and doesn't get the recognition she deserves. She always gives good criticism too
Lewis Burton Upon Trent, on March 12th, 2009
I think Cheryl and Danni are both good judges. But my ideally judging would have to be Simon, Sharon, Louis and Paula Adbul. Why did the production team not think that this line up would work becuase Paula had done a stint a few years back and their was no arguments then.
I think Cheryl and Danni are both good judges. But my ideally judging would have to be Simon, Sharon, Louis and Paula Adbul. Why did the production team not think that this line up would work becuase Paula had done a stint a few years back and their was no arguments then.
Sandra Birmingham, on March 12th, 2009
Remove Danni and replace with Charlotte Church is a fantastic idea.
Remove Danni and replace with Charlotte Church is a fantastic idea.
Goochy, on March 12th, 2009
Bring sharon osbourne back. 2getha with louis walsh they were brilliant and made the show more enteraining
Bring sharon osbourne back. 2getha with louis walsh they were brilliant and made the show more enteraining
Jake, Barnstaple, on March 12th, 2009
Dannii Minogue HAS to stay - she is exceptionally successful in her genre (Dance Music) and more individual than Cheryll. Nothing against Cheryll but the ideal panel would be Simon, Dannii, Mel B, and Louis for me.
Dannii Minogue HAS to stay - she is exceptionally successful in her genre (Dance Music) and more individual than Cheryll. Nothing against Cheryll but the ideal panel would be Simon, Dannii, Mel B, and Louis for me.
Jason, Brighton, on March 12th, 2009
I think Charlotte Church could have been a great judge. She expressed an interest. She has been more of a worldwide star than Minogue or Cole ever have, and understands the bigger picture. Couple with the fact she's very grounded, very talented, speaks her mind, and is DAMN funny - as evideced by her Channel 4 Show. Louis Walsh REALLY needs to go - he brings NOTHING to the party any more. He's old-hat, irrevalent and has outstayed his welcome with his repetitive comments and sniping with Simon.
I think Charlotte Church could have been a great judge. She expressed an interest. She has been more of a worldwide star than Minogue or Cole ever have, and understands the bigger picture. Couple with the fact she's very grounded, very talented, speaks her mind, and is DAMN funny - as evideced by her Channel 4 Show. Louis Walsh REALLY needs to go - he brings NOTHING to the party any more. He's old-hat, irrevalent and has outstayed his welcome with his repetitive comments and sniping with Simon.
Liam, Manchester, on March 12th, 2009
Dannii. Minogue. That's who should and will be staying on the panel! She's got style, grace and she gives very good face! As for bringing the violation that is Sharon back - urgh! She's nothing but a bitter, manipulative shrew. The panel is perfect.
Dannii. Minogue. That's who should and will be staying on the panel! She's got style, grace and she gives very good face! As for bringing the violation that is Sharon back - urgh! She's nothing but a bitter, manipulative shrew. The panel is perfect.
karl ellesmere port, on March 12th, 2009
bring sharon back
bring sharon back
Scott Sheffield, on March 12th, 2009
This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. 4 of the worst and most annoying people around - if this ever happened i for one would switch off!! The panel is right as it is... Plus it was already confirmed Dannii and Cheryl at least would be returning, and its Simon's show...
This is the worst thing that could possibly happen. 4 of the worst and most annoying people around - if this ever happened i for one would switch off!! The panel is right as it is... Plus it was already confirmed Dannii and Cheryl at least would be returning, and its Simon's show...
Lee, on March 12th, 2009
Dannii was a good judge last year so let's keep her!
Dannii was a good judge last year so let's keep her!
Chris Burgess High Wycombe, on March 12th, 2009
They need to get rid of Dannii because she has no talent and defiantly can't sing, she hasn't got the right to judge others. I say bring in Elton John!
They need to get rid of Dannii because she has no talent and defiantly can't sing, she hasn't got the right to judge others. I say bring in Elton John!
Jay, Harrow, on March 12th, 2009
I would stick with Dannii she is the best judge ever no one can replace her ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would stick with Dannii she is the best judge ever no one can replace her ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Keep Dannii. Just because other people from UK don't seem to appreciate her now, since Cheryl arrived, they are great judges. The bottom line, keep them all!!!