Woah, you go away for a week and the whole world of celebrity implodes! What has been going on?! The New Year showbiz breakups continue at an alarming rate of knots. The most shocking (and sad) has to be the news that after a seemingly happy marriage and four kiddies later, the previously indestructible couple that are Heidi Klum and Seal, are *sob* no more. But with Seal heaping praise and respect on his 'Mrs' of eight years and Heidi looking visibly devastated (er, as you would be!), could there be a glimmer of a reunion?? Oh we hope so; come on 'Klum-Se', grab a romantic weekend away at Necker Island or something and sort it out. A world without your beautiful family sashaying around together is a far less heart-warming place.
And talk about 'opening the floodgates'. With news that fellow A-listers Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis are also experiencing problems in marital department, and, (not so A listers) Tulisa and Fazer, Heidi Range and Dave Berry also hitting splits-ville - the list is growing by the week. Eek, what happened to the pregnancies and proposals of yesteryear?! Oh well, at least we can rely on the likes of Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton (*cough*) to give us more than our monthly dose of schmaltz and schmoozing.... right?
Now I write this week's column in partial agony having just spent the past week at the top of a French mountain with British Ski Champion, and Dancing on Ice's Chemmy Alcott's bezzy mate, Pam Thorburn. In between being put through my paces tackling some glorious black runs (hard ones for those non skiers), enjoying the après ski and watching Sting, of all people, sashay past on his skis, I've been managing to keep my showbiz eye on the latest goings on. Oh, and in case you're wondering, the cause of said agony? I gave myself whiplash! No, not as you might be imagining, perhaps from hurling myself stylishly off a sunkissed mountain... I stacked it on some ice on my way back from the local shop carrying a bag of cheese!
So from my ice injury to the real ice troopers; Dancing on Ice continued to up its game this week with all 13 remaining pairs taking to the ice to battle it out. Because I think she's a trooper for doing it in the first place having famously shattered her leg, and because I was sat next to her mate, my vote was with Chemmy Alcott this week. Boo to Katarina Witt for bestowing the 'big woman' comment, but with hindsight I appreciate that it perhaps wasn't meant in the horribly cringe-worthy and unkind way it was interpreted, and it certainly isn't true. Sad to see Mark Rhodes get the boot, but to be honest, he'd had one week too many in the competition as it was. Presenting, being funny and the occasional song, yes. Skating and prancing about in Lycra, no. BUT big respect for giving it a go, mate.
This weekend's upcoming 'twist' of two sets of celeb skaters and their partners taking to the ice at the same time should be interesting. I just hope that with the rink slightly more crowded than normal, no-one gets knocked out by Corey Feldman's ridiculous, over lacquered 'rat tail'.
Over on EastEnders, a subtle (or not) nod to the new Lucy Beale as Tanya remarked to Jane 'Err has she 'ad a personality transplant or something?' - er no, that'd be a completely new actress on her first day at work, trying in vain to do a better job than her predecessor. To be honest, Hetti Bywater isn't 'alf bad. I say good luck to you girl, keep turning up on time and behaving and you might just be in for a good stint. And speaking of replacement actors, nice to see Ben Mitchell following in his dad's loving and happy family footsteps as he finally grassed Phil to The Only Copper in Walford, DCI Marsden. Good to see Sophie Stanton back for her annual 'whodunnit' role.
Meanwhile, Britain's Got Talent is back. Well, not on our screens yet, but the auditions with their much hyped and - with the signing of Alesha Dixon - controversial judge lineup is already making headlines. Not least of course due to Amanda Holden unexpectedly going into labour and having her beautifully named little girl, Hollie Rose, a little earlier than planned. Poor woman, after all the heartache and complications over the past few months, I'm sure you join me in wishing her a swift recovery, a happy family, and in time, a return to her safe seat next to Mr Cowell.
*Just want to say a huge thanks to all at Zenith Holidays and Helly Hansen for a fantastic week in Alpe d'Huez and Monthgenevre. Truly fab trip!
Dancing on Ice's 'Movie Week', and Corey Feldman and his partner Brooke skated to 'Stand by Me' - ha, the irony, bet she wished he would have as she was reduced to awkwardly interviewing solo following his post-skate strop. There's no 'I' in team, Corey.
EastEnders' newest recruit Ray and old flame Bianca clearing 'getting the memo' and sporting the same stunningly rank puffa jackets upon their reunion over little Morgan.
And finally... Denise Welch in CBB. Say no more. OMG, surely signing of the DECADE!?