What on earth has got into our favourite celebrities? The claws are well and truly out. Some celebs don't like "chicks with d**ks". Others don't like girls who dish it out but can't take it back. Others just don't like Coleen McLoughlin. But which glitzy little kitty deserves the biggest saucer of milk this week? Read on to find out.

1. Cheryl Cole
The 'Biology' belter invites Lily Allen to her gig because it's the "closest she'll get" to an arena tour. Miaow!

2. Lily Allen
What do you do when one of Girls Aloud laughs at a joke about you having a penis? Why, you look into plastic surgery, of course!

3. Judy Finnegan
Apparently the Queen of daytime doesn't want to appear on the telly anymore. After 15 years of being interrupted by Richard Madeley, who can blame her?

4. Avril Lavigne
The punkette decides to shed most of her clothes for a music mag. She's not "skanky" like Britney, though.

5. Kylie Minogue
The pocket-sized popstrel is to play a "sexy Cyberwoman" on Doctor Who. Teenage boys across the land are frantically setting their Sky Plus boxes as you read.

6. Justin Timberlake
Apparently JT is bringing sexy back with Fantastic Four star Jessica Biel.

7. Bobby Brown
Whitney Houston's ex says that Osama bin Laden wants to kill him. Bobby, mate, that's his prerogative.

8. Keith Richards
Why is the Rolling Stones rocker on this week's chart? One, because Johnny Depp likes him. Two, because he's in the new Pirates of the Caribbean flick. And three, because he's stayed alive for another seven days.

9. Vanessa Feltz
The slightly crazy lady from Celebrity Big Brother is getting married. Congratulations, 'Nessie!

10. Peaches Geldof
Sir Bob's daughter is not a fan of ladies who are only famous because of who they know and what they like to wear.