The glitterati of today are nothing if not diverse. They can be big or small, straight or gay, sweet as sugar or nasty as a kick in the unmentionables, and black, white or Michael Jackson. This week's celebrity chart features everyone from a 60-year-old WI disciple to a 15-stone squirrel-eating lesbian. But these unlikely bedfellows have got one thing in common: they're all desperate for a bit of attention. Read on to find out how they've been grabbing it this week.

1. Billie Piper
The former Doctor Who star is free to marry again. We're sure that all offers will be gratefully received.

2. Calum Best
George Best's son is planning to go to rehab. Fathers, it's safe to let your daughters out again.

3. Beth Ditto
It seems that nobody and nothing is standing in the way of the Gossip star's mouth this week.

4. Brand Katie
Apparently the boardroom harridan manages to find time to conduct affairs and practise her pithy Apprentice one-liners. What a multi-tasker!

5. David Hyde Pierce
The former Frasier star reveals that he prefers boys to girls.

6. Marilyn Manson
Imagine coming home to find your mummy talking about naughty things with this dirty old goth. Well, that's what happened to Justin Timberlake...

7. Bev Callard
Life imitates art as Corrie's pint-puller buys her own pub.

8. Big Brother's Lovely Lesley
She suits the BB house as well as Ann Widdecombe suits a career as a glamour model. That's why we love her!

9. Paula Abdul
The American Idol judge insists that - hic! - she isn't fond of one tipple too many.

10. Michael Jackson
The troubled superstar buys the rights to lots of songs by other singers. Michael, mate, perhaps it's time to write a few of your own?