The American Idol judge wants to make Simon Cowell a fragrance made of “cat pee, horse poop and fart”. We love you Paula, but we’re going to have to tell you straight up: you’re not doing anything to quell those tippletastic rumours.
9. Joss Stone
Apparently it’s the press’ fault that the soul siren spoke in a faux-LA accent, butchered Amy Winehouse’s ‘Rehab’ and generally made a tit of herself at the Brit awards. Course it is, love.
The model asks her five-year-old son to pose in a neon pink bikini for a photo shoot. Parenting strategies have, ahem, obviously moved on since our day.
7. Russell Brand
The loquacious lothario says some naughty things about Welsh people. What a silly boy! Doesn’t he remember what happened to Anne Robinson?
The carroty-locked comedienne signs up to be the Doctor's new companion. Yay! But is she ‘bovvered’ about spending six months a year in Cardiff?
5. Spice Girls
The garrison of girl power is said to be under siege – from the five generals themselves.
The Popworld legend proves she’s a girl and a half at the Potter premiere. We love you, Miquita – mwah!
3. David Tennant
The charismatic actor pledges his future to Doctor Who. Nice one, Dave!
The naughty, snorty (but presumably not very sporty) rocker gets his knuckles rapped for turning up to court late.
1. Lily Allen
The prickly popstrel declines to talk to DS at the Potter premiere because we "write mean things" about her. But Lily, it's not true! We think you're one of the most compelling pop stars of our time, and we've never been afraid to say it.