Ladies and gentlemen, a question for you: if you had a third nipple, would you get it out on TV? Maybe you do have a third nipple. That, of course, is fine. But are you willing to flaunt it? Just have a little ponder. Anyway, when you're a celebrity, showing off is what you do, so the decision’s pretty much made for you. Your answer isn’t so much ‘OK then!’ as ‘Who’s going to pop a little blusher on my nubbin before the camera rolls?’

10. Alex Turner
Is this cheeky little (Arctic) Monkey dating Alexa from Popworld?

9. Denise Van Outen
The blonde bombshell from Basildon is returning to TV. But don’t worry – she’s not making another series of Something For The Weekend.

8. Daniel Radcliffe
Harry Potter points his magic wand at the pretty bald lady from Closer.

7. Spice Girls
David Beckham bans the feisty five-piece from his LA gaff. Is he afraid of stumbling in on the first rehearsal for their comeback tour?

6. Louis Walsh
Oh, what hasn’t the reinstated X Factor judge said this week?

5. Kate Nash
The female singer-songwriter from London is furious that she gets compared to another female singer-songwriter from London.

4. Jordan
By naming her Bunny, is Mrs Andre trying to steer her daughter towards a particular career path?

3. Lily Allen
Guess who’s not afraid of showing us her third nipple!

2. Simon Cowell
The showbiz mogul likes a woman who’s prepared to stand up to him. Ladies - form an orderly queue.

1. Amy Winehouse
The ‘Rehab’ star smacks herself in the face with her microphone, hits the pub the day she cancels a gig due to “exhaustion” and becomes the favourite for the Mercury Prize all in one week. What a woman!