Showbiz
Kylie has one. Greedy old Britney’s got three. Even Christina Aguilera’s getting in on the act these days. For the 21st century celebrity, launching your own perfume is a rite of passage: it shows you’ve really arrived. But which savvy stars are crushing rose petals and pummeling pomegranates in time for the Christmas rush? DS previews the hottest showbiz scents of 2007.
Alright Darlin' by Amy Winehouse
This mesmerising fragrance has top notes of export-strength vodka, a heart of self-destruction and base notes of fag-smoke-trapped-in-beehive. You'll never have to worry about its staying power - because it’s 100% alcohol. Alright’ Darlin is only available at The Hawley Arms in Camden, but we can’t guarantee that shipments will arrive when they say they will.
Cor Blimey! by Kate Nash
This earthy fragrance is probably the most hyped scent of the summer. It has top notes of jellied eels, a heart of beans on toast and a base ofbitter bittah lemons. Please note: it is in no way similar to recent perfumes by fellow London songbird Lily Allen. Cor Blimey! is sold exclusively at Whitechapel Market by a gnarled old woman called Ethel who wears fingerless gloves.
Jordan's First Perfume by Katie Price
This fragrance is floral-fruity – emphasis on the fruity – with top notes of fake tan, a heart of steely ambition and base notes of Peter Andre’s nether regions. Its bottle, designed by Katie herself, has been sculpted to represent a pair of cosmetically-enhanced breasts. If you are unable to wait for Jordan's First Perfume to hit the shops, pick up a 25ml sample in next week’s edition of OK! magazine.
Sweet Smell of Success by Simon Cowell
Are you desperate to get ahead in life? If so, this manly, ambitious scent is just for you. It has top notes of airline food, a heart of warrior-like determination and base notes of filthy lucre. Its jet black bottle is the epitome of good taste and sophistication. Recent wearers include Gareth Gates, Brian Friedman and Steve Brookstein. Price per bottle: £100 million (estimated).
Eau De Shaggeur by Steve Jones
This effortlessly smooth fragrance is a must for any ladies’ man. It has top notes of extra strong mints, a heart of bottomless lovin’ and base notes of latex. Its larger-than-average bottle has been designed to represent the male appendage at its most voracious. Recent scientific studies indicate that Sarah Harding is powerless to resist the effects of this sensual scent.
This mesmerising fragrance has top notes of export-strength vodka, a heart of self-destruction and base notes of fag-smoke-trapped-in-beehive. You'll never have to worry about its staying power - because it’s 100% alcohol. Alright’ Darlin is only available at The Hawley Arms in Camden, but we can’t guarantee that shipments will arrive when they say they will.
This earthy fragrance is probably the most hyped scent of the summer. It has top notes of jellied eels, a heart of beans on toast and a base of
This fragrance is floral-fruity – emphasis on the fruity – with top notes of fake tan, a heart of steely ambition and base notes of Peter Andre’s nether regions. Its bottle, designed by Katie herself, has been sculpted to represent a pair of cosmetically-enhanced breasts. If you are unable to wait for Jordan's First Perfume to hit the shops, pick up a 25ml sample in next week’s edition of OK! magazine.
Are you desperate to get ahead in life? If so, this manly, ambitious scent is just for you. It has top notes of airline food, a heart of warrior-like determination and base notes of filthy lucre. Its jet black bottle is the epitome of good taste and sophistication. Recent wearers include Gareth Gates, Brian Friedman and Steve Brookstein. Price per bottle: £100 million (estimated).
This effortlessly smooth fragrance is a must for any ladies’ man. It has top notes of extra strong mints, a heart of bottomless lovin’ and base notes of latex. Its larger-than-average bottle has been designed to represent the male appendage at its most voracious. Recent scientific studies indicate that Sarah Harding is powerless to resist the effects of this sensual scent.
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