We’re having a very quiet time this week. In fact, we’re free every single night. Sob! If any celebs fancy sending us an invitation to their birthday parties – as a thank you for the thoughtful, generous gifts we’re lavishing upon them – well, put it this way, we probably wouldn’t say no. So, Halle, Patrick and the gang, would any of you like our address?

Halle Berry

How many candles? The blubtastic Oscar-winner celebrates her 41st birthday tomorrow.

DS' birthday present: We’ve snapped up every copy of Catwoman in existence and torched the lot of them. How generous are we? It’s not just a gift for Halle, but a gift for the world.

Sarah Brightman

How many candles? The raven-haired soprano turns 47 tomorrow.

DS' birthday present: Does Sarah know there’s a new kid on the block singing all her tunes? She does now – we’ve sent her the Paul Potts CD!

Tony Robinson

How many candles? The Blackadder star celebrates his 61st birthday on Wednesday.

DS' birthday present: Tony’s latest squeeze is three-and-a-half decades younger than him - how does he do it? To make sure his birthday night goes with a bang, we’ve sent him sent him something small, blue and packed with action. Grr!

Mika

How many candles? The pop showman turns 24 on Friday.

DS' birthday present: We've heard on the grapevine that Mika's looking for a particular type of lady, so we’ve sent him a giant birthday cake with a very special surprise inside.

Patrick Swayze

How many candles? The toe-tapping actor celebrates his 55th birthday on Friday.

DS' birthday present: Everyone loves a bit of nostalgia, so we've bought Patrick a ticket for the West End production of Dirty Dancing. Sadly, nobody we spoke to had heard from Jennifer Grey since 1987, so he'll just have to reminisce alone.