Digital Spy's Celebrity Chart: August 17

Well, we guess the signs were there. She kept telling Justin she didn’t want anything to do with his purple love parsnip. Then she kissed an old lady with the arms of an Eastern Bloc gymnast at the MTV awards. And then she shaved her head. But, even so, were were agog and aghast to read the words “Britney”, “lesbian” and “romp” in the same tabloid headline. Still, like any loving, supportive friends, we’ll stand by the pop princess whatever she chooses to do. Good on ya, baldie!

10. Amy Winehouse
No jokes here – we really want Amy to get well soon.

9. Jade Goody
The Queen of reality TV plots her small screen comeback. Readers, you have been warned.

8. David Gest
Liza's loopy ex tells us what we've known all along: Grease Is The Word really wasn't that great.

7. Jack Osbourne
Like mother, like son? Not when it comes to gastric bypass surgery.

6. Lily Allen
Him from the Arctic Monkeys must be joking her, if he thinks that he'll be poking her. Well, so we've heard.

5. Stephen Fry
The eloquent thesp tells DS he wants to "stand up in public, pull down his trousers and do a big poo". Whatever floats his boat, we suppose.

4. Michael Jackson
Apparently the fallen superstar is too scared to leave the house. Well, if you’d written ‘Earth Song’, wouldn’t you feel the same?

3. Britney Spears
At this stage in the game, we just want to give her a big hug.

2. Louis Walsh
It’s nice to have the cheeky Irishman back on X Factor - and slagging off every pop group he doesn't manage - isn’t it?

1. Angelina Jolie
Britney's not the only one with an eye for the ladies.