Showbiz
Over the weekend a celebrity emailed DS to turn down her birthday present. Readers, we were absolutely mortified. Every week we rack our brains, bust our balls and raid the DS biscuit fund to make sure our favourite stars feel special on their birthdays. And this is the thanks we get. Humph. If this week's birthday boys and girls don't show a bit more gratitude, it'll be gift vouchers all round from now on.
Fearne Cotton
How many candles? The Xtra Factor presenter is 26 today.
DS' birthday present: Fearne must be missing her favourite "ugh-may-zing" bands since TOTP finished, so we've bought her a year's subscription to Kerrang! Rawk on!
Beyoncé
How many candles? The glamazonian popstrel celebrates her 25th birthday on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: It must be very difficult for Beyoncé to keep her thighs that shiny, so we've bought her an extra large tub of body shimmer.
Mark Ronson
How many candles? Tom Cruise's favourite disc-spinner turns 30 on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: Amy's unwell and Lily's still recovering from her exploits at the Notting Hill Carnival, so who's Mark going to play with this week? This is where we step in: Mr. Mark Ronson, allow us to introduce Miss Kate Nash...
Pink
How many candles? The ballsy belter celebrates her 29th birthday on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: Pink's hubbie was recently accused of being a no-good-cheatin'-dawg. A woman needs to be sure, so we've subjected the naughty scamp to a lie detector test. The results, of course, are strictly confidential.
Natasha Kaplinsky
How many candles? The Six O'Clock News' resident glamour-puss turns 35 on Sunday.
DS' birthday present: 'Tash looks like a woman who enjoys a bit of pampering, so we've sent her to a luxury spa for the weekend. But fear not, news hounds - we'll have her back in time for Monday evening!
How many candles? The Xtra Factor presenter is 26 today.
DS' birthday present: Fearne must be missing her favourite "ugh-may-zing" bands since TOTP finished, so we've bought her a year's subscription to Kerrang! Rawk on!
How many candles? The glamazonian popstrel celebrates her 25th birthday on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: It must be very difficult for Beyoncé to keep her thighs that shiny, so we've bought her an extra large tub of body shimmer.
How many candles? Tom Cruise's favourite disc-spinner turns 30 on Tuesday.
DS' birthday present: Amy's unwell and Lily's still recovering from her exploits at the Notting Hill Carnival, so who's Mark going to play with this week? This is where we step in: Mr. Mark Ronson, allow us to introduce Miss Kate Nash...
How many candles? The ballsy belter celebrates her 29th birthday on Saturday.
DS' birthday present: Pink's hubbie was recently accused of being a no-good-cheatin'-dawg. A woman needs to be sure, so we've subjected the naughty scamp to a lie detector test. The results, of course, are strictly confidential.
How many candles? The Six O'Clock News' resident glamour-puss turns 35 on Sunday.
DS' birthday present: 'Tash looks like a woman who enjoys a bit of pampering, so we've sent her to a luxury spa for the weekend. But fear not, news hounds - we'll have her back in time for Monday evening!
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