All celebrities love a good slanging match, don't they? But over the years one professional show-off has become the Queen of mean, the behemoth of bitching, the Grande Dame of grand slams. The list of celebrities this jibeaholic has criticised includes (but is not limited to): George Michael, Madonna, Boy George, Brian McFadden, the makers of The X Factor and Victoria Beckham. Taking his bitchy history into account, the news that Sir Elton John has decided to kiss and make up with Madonna - in full view of the paparazzi, of course - feels like the showbiz equivalent of George W. Bush writing off the third world debt. Will the celebrity love-fest continue? Well, the ball's in your court, Miss Lily Allen.

10. Gordon Ramsay
Chef's lesson #1: Never put your knackers near the cooker.

9. Klaxons
The dayglo nu-ravers snatch the Mercury Prize right from under Winehouse's whisky-sniffing nose. Glow sticks ahoy!

8. Dinger the Cat
Pete Doherty's druggy kitty is snapped puffing on a crack pipe. What's the world coming to, eh?

7. Mary-Kate Olsen
The tween icon is spotted "humping", "grinding" and "flailing" with "questionable men" at a dingy discotheque. Oh dear. Isn't this how it all started for Britney?

6. Nick Hoult
The Skins star would rather go naked than wear a pair of dodgy Y-fronts. Well, Nicky boy, don't hold back on our account.

5. Kate Nash
The cockney songstress says she wants to give Tony Blair a good slap. She's not the only one.

4. Halle Berry
Baby Berry is on its way. Eek! Just imagine the tears when Halle first sets eyes on her beautiful babe.

3. Marco Pierre White
The Hell's Kitchen supremo is strangely mesmerising, isn't he?

2. Sir Elton John
As one Elts feud ends, another begins...

1. Sarah Harding
The Girls Aloud star likes to play the dominatrix in the bedroom. Sexy? Yes yes yes!