Digital Spy's Celebrity Chart: September 14

Her dancers were primed. Her tummy was covered in more fake tan than Jodie Marsh’s cleavage. Her backing tape was checked, double-checked and triple-checked. Britney Spears had planned her comeback performance at the MTV Video Music Awards to perfection, but she blew it. Was she nervous? Was she drunk? Was she put off by some of the ropiest, most charmless jokes ever attempted at an A-list awards ceremony? Only Britney knows the truth, but she shouldn’t dwell on her disappointment too much. Christina Aguilera would kill for this sort of publicity.

10. Sting
The yoga-honed rocker pays a visit to a German brothel. Hmm. We wonder if Roxanne had to put on the red light?

9. Richard Hammond
Isn't it about time the DVLA confiscated the Top Gear tyke's driving licence?

8. Rebecca Loos
The Celebrity Love Island star decides to move to LA. Victoria sobs, David smirks and every pig in California rejoices.

7. Ulrika Jonsson
Britain's favourite sex addict gets engaged for the third time. Congratulations, 'Ri!

6. Vanessa Hudgens
Zac Efron gets to see her naked every single day. And so do we!

5. Michael Parkinson
The king of twittering sneaks a peek at David Beckham's love-muscle. Lucky sod!

4. Anneka Rice
The jump-suit icon is booted off Hell's Kitchen. Sob! We always thought she was too classy for that reality TV lark, anyway.

3. Brad Pitt
Apparently the Hollywood hunk is incapable of managing his money. Brad, mate, did you know that DS also offers a financial advice service?

2. Hayden Panettiere
Boys, we've got some fantastic news for you: the Heroes hottie is single!

1. Britney Spears
The pop baldie provides the most memorable moment of the showbiz week. Gimme More? Hell yeah!