Showbiz
Readers, we have received yet another email of complaint. "You're always moaning about how much time, money and effort it takes to buy birthday presents for celebrities," writes Mr. G. Rumps of Scarborough. "Why don't you just pop round their houses and give them the birthday bumps?" Well, kind sir, we're happy to trial your suggestion on one condition: you're helping out when Brian Blessed's big day comes around.
Sting
How many candles? The yoga-honed rocker turns 56 tomorrow.
DS' birthday present: We've sent Sting a goodie bag featuring The Joy of Sex, The Kama Sutra and Fabulous Foreplay: The Sex Doctor’s Guide To Teasing And Pleasing Your Lover. Well, if he and Trudie are getting frisky for five hours at a time, they'll need to mix things up a bit.
Tim Westwood
How many candles? Radio 1's hip-hop honcho begins his sixth decade on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: Enough is enough – we're sending the Suffolk man with the West Siiiiide twang to elocution lessons. And right this minute, man.
Gwen Stefani
How many candles? The 'Hollaback Girl' celebrates her 38th birthday on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: Poor Gwen! Whatever she does, wherever she goes, she's followed by a quartet of identically-dressed Japanese girls. It must get awfully irritating for her, so we've got legal on the issue: the pint-sized pests won't be allowed within a 500m radius of La Stefani from now on. How ASBO-tastic!
Jackie Collins
How many candles? The bastion of the bonkbuster celebrates her 70th birthday on Thursday.
DS' birthday present: We reckon Jackie deserves a break after four decades of scribbling, so we've confiscated her laptop, hidden her notepad and removed all writing implements from her house. Hurrah!
Nicola Roberts
How many candles? The scowl-faced Girls Aloud star turns 22 on Friday.
DS' birthday present: Nicola looks like she needs cheering up, so we’ve organised a surprise party for her. To make sure that everything runs smoothly, we've booked a caterer, hired some waiting staff and consigned Sarah Harding to the Appletiser for the night. Aren't we thoughtful?
How many candles? The yoga-honed rocker turns 56 tomorrow.
DS' birthday present: We've sent Sting a goodie bag featuring The Joy of Sex, The Kama Sutra and Fabulous Foreplay: The Sex Doctor’s Guide To Teasing And Pleasing Your Lover. Well, if he and Trudie are getting frisky for five hours at a time, they'll need to mix things up a bit.
How many candles? Radio 1's hip-hop honcho begins his sixth decade on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: Enough is enough – we're sending the Suffolk man with the West Siiiiide twang to elocution lessons. And right this minute, man.
How many candles? The 'Hollaback Girl' celebrates her 38th birthday on Wednesday.
DS' birthday present: Poor Gwen! Whatever she does, wherever she goes, she's followed by a quartet of identically-dressed Japanese girls. It must get awfully irritating for her, so we've got legal on the issue: the pint-sized pests won't be allowed within a 500m radius of La Stefani from now on. How ASBO-tastic!
How many candles? The bastion of the bonkbuster celebrates her 70th birthday on Thursday.
DS' birthday present: We reckon Jackie deserves a break after four decades of scribbling, so we've confiscated her laptop, hidden her notepad and removed all writing implements from her house. Hurrah!
How many candles? The scowl-faced Girls Aloud star turns 22 on Friday.
DS' birthday present: Nicola looks like she needs cheering up, so we’ve organised a surprise party for her. To make sure that everything runs smoothly, we've booked a caterer, hired some waiting staff and consigned Sarah Harding to the Appletiser for the night. Aren't we thoughtful?
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